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Original poster

Husband and I are going away for a week... how much to pay the babysitter?

394 replies

LondonLisa · 10/02/2010 12:02

My husband and I will be going on our first holiday away from our 22-month-old daughter. We have someone from her nursery staying with her for the 7 days we are away. This will mean the sitter will take our daughter home from nursery (6-ish) and stay all night and bring her to nursery the next day. Repeat. This will also overlap 2 weekends.
Any idea what fair pay would be? I don't want to skimp but I also don't want to be... ostentatious, if that makes sense.
We usually pay this sitter £8/hr if that helps.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

OP posts:
Monty100 · 10/02/2010 15:02

HF - you're on the same 'sheet' as me, except, the parents are out of the country so as far as I'm concerned the 'babysitter' assumes responsibility should anything go wrong during nursery hours, so I included those hours in my calculation:

£8 per hour - 24 hours = £192 x 10 days =

£1920

KarmaNoMore · 10/02/2010 15:03

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Monty100 · 10/02/2010 15:03

I do hope the OP doesn't find that ostentatious.

Rubyrubyruby · 10/02/2010 15:03

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AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/02/2010 15:04

big fat hairy deal, she's never been away from the kid and thinks 'it's time'.

except i bet it's her dh saying that.

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/02/2010 15:05

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TheBossofMe · 10/02/2010 15:15

Well, I'm about to leave my DD for a month to go on ahead to our new country of residence and start work etc. So there.

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/02/2010 15:17

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Rubyrubyruby · 10/02/2010 15:18

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TheBossofMe · 10/02/2010 15:19

Pixie - was that gavel banging on my head?

Guess I'm a little sensitive about "child abandonment" accusations, am getting a whole heap of vitriol from "friends" and family who can't understand how I can do this. TBH, its breaking my heart, but there is no way round it...

TheBossofMe · 10/02/2010 15:20

Ruby - the difference between me and the OP?

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 10/02/2010 15:20

I would be looking at paying an hourly fee and a sleepover fee.

So would pay £8 per hour for waking hours ie child wakes at 7am so pay 7am until they go to nursery, then when she picks her up an hourly fee of £8 until she goes to bed so 7pm then a flat rate of £20 overnight but if she wakes in the night pay £8 an hour for anytime the babysitter will be dealing with her. I would also consider £20 flat fee for nursery days too.

So M-F = 1 hour before nursery (x5) flat day rate (x5) 1 hour after nursery (x5) flat over night rate (x5)

S-S - flat over night rate (x2)and £8 per hour for her 12 waking hour day (x2)

nikki1978 · 10/02/2010 15:23

"And a lot of the criticism levelled at the OP sounds like the usual reverse snobbery (we don't have holidays, we don't have fun now we're parents, it's horsehair tampons all round you know.) But I do second those who say, try leaving your DD over night a time or two first, a whole week is a lot for a small toddler to cope with"

Spot on SGB. Blimey I think people are being incredibly harsh here. Not everyone parents in the same way and it is not fair to judge others like this in my opinion. I have left my two kids three times in the last two years (with my mother with whom they are very close). Once for a weekend, once for our honeymoon of 5 days and recently 15 days when we went to Australia to see my friend get married. Apparently this is a terrible thing I have done according to some of your posts! My best friend just got married to a man who is terminally ill so I went to support her - we stayed for a holiday too but to be honest with the jet lag it is too big a journey to do in a week and my mum encouraged us to have some time off Anyway I couldn't take the kids as it was in school time and they would have hated the journey (I nearly jumped out of the plane myself at one point it was so blummin long!).

Anyway I can't imagine that I would leave my kids with a nursery worker but none of you know how close the child is to this person and I am guessing her mother knows best.

I do agree that you should try for a shorter holiday but only because this is the first time.

By the way my children hardly missed me at all (although we did talk on skype) but to say it would be like a bereavement is a bit extreme

Obviously it is a sensitive subject dependant on where you are coming from!

Rubyrubyruby · 10/02/2010 15:28

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TheBossofMe · 10/02/2010 15:33

Ruby - I agree.

Goober · 10/02/2010 15:35

Give yourself a good, hard slap dear.

Nobody leaves their baby with a stranger for a week. FFS!! Why did you have her??

TheBossofMe · 10/02/2010 15:37

Goober - she isn't a stranger - read the thread!

Goober · 10/02/2010 15:40

Still slap-worthy.

TheBossofMe · 10/02/2010 15:43

Meanie

frakkinaround · 10/02/2010 15:47

OP I really hope you come back because there's a very important thing to consider.

Your carer will need a letter, signed by you and your DH, covering the specific dates you are not around authorising her to consent to any treatment deemed medically necessary etc etc whilst you are out the country.

You also need to check that your household insurance is okay with this and she should have her own liability insurance (but that's her own repsonsibility).

Missus84 · 10/02/2010 16:05

I think you definitely need to check with the nursery if this arrangement is ok too, as if your dd is ill then the babysitter will have to take time off work.

SpeedyGonzalez · 10/02/2010 16:15

TheBossofMe - I hope you're not assuming I meant a teenager who's a complete stranger?

Let's not be under any illusions here. The child in question will be 2 at the time of the holiday. She does not have the life experience or emotional capacity to interpret this in any other way other than that her parents have abandoned her for what will feel like a very long time. Phone calls, postcards, etc, won't help to ease that feeling.

The fact that she knows this babysitter already doesn't mean she doesn't know the difference between her and her parents, does it? That is a hell of a strain to put on a toddler. It's hard enough on a child of this age being put into nursery (and I am writing from experience) - we have to be brutally honest with ourselves that it's not the ideal for them, is it? But at least we're there with them every morning and at the end of every day.

I am suggesting a solution that would mean the OP could still take her child on holiday with her AND have time alone with her husband - and it would probably cost the same; maybe even less. The parents will still be on hand if there are any problems with their DD; she won't have to deal with the anxiety of feeling abandoned by her parents; and they can still enjoy time with their DD whilst relaxing on holiday. What's so bad about that?

I appreciate that life is tough as a parent, plus the additional factors which the OP is dealing with of living abroad, etc etc - but the choice here is either to have a slightly more stressful holiday with your child, or to foist that stress onto your 2-year-old. The adults in this equation are clearly far better-equipped to deal with this stress than the child.

NeedCoffee · 10/02/2010 16:21

FFS. Just because some people are unable to/don't want to do what the OP is planning, does not mean that she is wrong to do it. By all means suggest that she try a night or 2 away from the child or shorten her trip or whatever, but to get nasty is just so uncalled for.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 16:30

'Actually you can be practically forced to move to the UK. There are forces bases with 'foreign' personnel on UK soil and if your DH is going you're pretty much forced to. '

Still not forced. You can resign. Your spouse can stay at home.

Or you can stay on base and shop in the PX and even eat in a Taco Bell that other Americans can't access [sob!].

frakkinaround · 10/02/2010 16:33

Hmmm next time DH gets a posting we don't like I'll tell him to resign. Don't think it'll go down well! And would you REALLY stay on the other side of the world? Admittedly no-one's holding you at gunpoint but it's not always a personal choice to move.

If we were American I wouldn't mind so much but sadly not!