Husband and I are going away for a week... how much to pay the babysitter?

[LondonLisa]

My husband and I will be going on our first holiday away from our 22-month-old daughter. We have someone from her nursery staying with her for the 7 days we are away. This will mean the sitter will take our daughter home from nursery (6-ish) and stay all night and bring her to nursery the next day. Repeat. This will also overlap 2 weekends.
Any idea what fair pay would be? I don't want to skimp but I also don't want to be... ostentatious, if that makes sense.
We usually pay this sitter £8/hr if that helps.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

Some of the posters on MN are just determined to make motherhood out to be this experience that has to be endured with no pleasures of one's own. It doesn't make you a bad mother to want to be a wife as well, you know.

Dont think anyone is saying that. In fact I think everyone is saying the opposite - life has changed and you have to accept that but life still goes on and you are still a wife / friend / whatever but now you fit around your kids. That is life and that is ok, its not martyrdom.

'It doesn't make you a bad mother to want to be a wife as well, you know.'

Get a grip TheBossofMe

So the only way to 'be a wife' is to go away on holiday to do it?

As someone else said babies do sleep.

DP and I have plenty of time as a couple when dd is in bed. Watching movies, having a few drinks, cuddling and talking.

Is that really so hard to grasp?

"want to be a wife" ?

Do people really think this is a wind up? Sadly I dont. Friends of friends left their 8 month old with a nanny for 2 weeks while they went on a long haul jolly "just the two of us". Admittedly at least it was the nanny so the baby was familiar with her but really.

Last year in the swimming pool I got chatting with a mum with an 8 month old just like me. Only she wasnt the mum she was a nursery worker and again the parents had gone away for a week. So it really does happen. I know we are not allowed to judge, each to their own etc etc but must say I was both times. A night or so with familiar nanny/granny yes. Weeks swanning around abroad just feels wrong to me.

depends on what your dh thinks i suppose. mine really would prefer to go on holiday with his children. being a wife and a mother are not mutually exclusive.

A nursery worker is most likely young, and have no children of her own. I doubt she really can manage a full days work, for the entire week, and then go home to one of the "customers" for more childcare throughout the evening and night, and morning, and the weekend too. It is not very sensible.

Howevever, I applaud becstarlitsea on her post of Wed 10-Feb-10 13:06:23 . It it the only attempt to see the situation on a deeper level.

OP please reread the above post. Please try and ignore the cruelty that some has shown, me included, and DO NOT GO AWAY WITHOUT YOUR CHILD. I beg you. Take your child on a lovely holiday, to a nice family friendly resort, where you have a creche on site, and babysitting facilities. Enjoy time with your daugther on the beach.

You know, I spent a week on SriLanka when our oldest was just 23 months. It is one of the best memories I have, we spent every day jumping around in the waves on the beach. The joy on his face is something I will never forget. I dont think I have ever seen him so happy. And that is something to hold on to. Precious time with your child, jumping around the waves together, holding hands and gazing into a lovely little face, full of laughter and excitement. Do that instead.

ROFL at "want to be a wife"

I want to be bloody lazy - that's why I go away without mine. DH and I read in companionable silence. It's fab!

Its quite simply a matter of extremes.

1. the little girl has never been left before

1. instead of leaving her for an entirely reasonable 1 or 2 nights, the op is going to leave her for two weekends and a whole week.

1. she will be looked after by someone who will no doubt do a wonderful job and is entirely responsible and trustworthy, but she is not a parent/carer/close relative or even Nanny.

I do not for one second believe this Boss:

"Some of the posters on MN are just determined to make motherhood out to be this experience that has to be endured with no pleasures of one's own."

you really are exaggerating wildly.

Also it's a bit weird to say that you can't be a wife AND a mother simultaneously.

I mean, does anyone feel the need to get rid of their husband so they can spend time "being a mother"?

I'm guessing not (or not many).

Yet somehow being "a wife" [even trying to ignore the slight shudder at stepford/surrendered associations] is seen as a specially onerous ring-fenced occupation.

(Or is "being a wife" a [cough cough] euphemism )

i think it specifically means 'being a giver of blow jobs'. which as we all know is impossible to do with wee ones in the house.

I am more of a mother now that my husband is away for 2 1/2 weeks, that is for sure. I have to juggle all the extra curricular activities on my own, and instead of sending him up the ski slopes for ds1s slalom practice, while I stay home and get supper ready, I have to do the supper when I get back from having played on snowboard for 2 hours with ds2. But I would not dream of sending him away saying "go away, I need to be a mother for a little while".

I would say £10 per hour - so between 18.00 and 08.00 (when the nursery is closed) it would be 14 hours = £140 x 5 days = £700

£10 per hour for the weekends (54 hours) = £540 per weekend = £1080 for 2 weekends.

Grand total: £1780

Have you thought about this instead www.holidaynanny.org

I should think the weekend rate was higher?

Perhaps we could just decide what WE think would be a reasonable rate to pay a SAHM for all the jobs she covers in a week...? I'm guessing slightly more than the figures quoted...

mp is right. It is not just babysitting. It is cooking and cleaning and entertaining at home too.

"As someone else said babies do sleep.

DP and I have plenty of time as a couple when dd is in bed. Watching movies, having a few drinks, cuddling and talking.

Is that really so hard to grasp? "

Lucky you. That isn't the reality in some houses. I can't remember the last time I got to do any of those things, in between working late and dealing with screaming DD.

You are all acting as if the OP is leaving her child with someone she doesn't know. She isn't. In her own words, the "babysitter" is someone who she and her DD have known very well for over a year, and she would trust her entirely.

My parents had a holiday every year without me, never did me any harm at all.

I think some of you believe that your own parenting choices should be the way everyone parents. Which is ridiculous to say the least.

It's still above the minimum wage for 24 hour care over 9 days.

hey, bec, i mentioned your post too.

I wouldn't leave my 22 month old for that long. I'd miss him too much, for one thing.

I agree with whoever suggested they take a weekend away instead, though, tbh unless it's a family member looking after them (which is clearly impossible in the OP's case) I still wouldn't do it.

How about taking a responsible teenager on holiday with you, to babysit? Then you could have the best of both worlds.

Speedy - you would rather leave your child in the care of a teenager that your DC doesn't know than a qualified childcarer that she knows really well????

I think Speedy's point was that the Teenager would be a) responsible, b) with you!

Blimey, this is all a bit harsh.
Very sorry you have had to take all this criticism OP.
SHE HAS KNOWN THE BABYSITTER FOR A LONG TIME AND COMPLETELY TRUSTS HER.

all this arguing over who has it better, who has more fun on holiday. Everyone does things differently. FGS.

OP will probably go away, realise she misses the DD too much and come home early.
End of story.

DS has been with Grandma on a couple of occasions. Asked where we were about 3 times! He has just turned 2.

Everyone is different