Keeping toddlers safe around an unfenced villa pool on holiday

[OneProudCrab]

Very excited to be going on our first family holiday to a villa. We have DS1 (3yr) and DS2 (13 months crawler). There will be PIL (but are fairly hands off parenting) and BIL with a baby also.

Ive started to get a bit paranoid about pool safety after hearing some terrible statistic that it is the number one cause of death in 1-3yr olds (think it was the US and haven't fact checked so it may be completely false but nevertheless I'm worried still).

The villa does not have a fence around it and I think the idea was to spend a lot of time in the outdoor shady area that is close but not directly overlooking the pool.

Any advice other than to stay super vigilant on how to keep kids safe and allow us to relax as much as we can whilst they play?

I would very seriously look into changing the accommodation if at all possible.

If not, I’m afraid you’re in for a very unrelaxing holiday. You could potentially hire or borrow a playpen for the 13 month old but you’ll still have to watch the toddler constantly. Who chose the villa?!

How are you travelling there?if by car then you could get a playpen.

This one clicks together so you might be able to set it up as a garden divider against a wall/fence. Amazon link. Then if the kids are doing quiet play they should be in there and only out of this when directly supervised by an adult each.

We did this a few years ago with DM and DMIL. It was stressful and annoying (but doable, so don't stress too much if you can't change the holiday at this stage). I made sure I was watching the kids at all times unless I needed a drink/toilet break, and then would assign responsibility to one of the mums. (Most of the time my DH was cooking or tidying - like I say, not a relaxing holiday!!). One time I came back from a toilet break and DMIL had her back to my two DS, drinking a beer, after having been 'assigned' to watch them. I was seething! Had to keep banging on about the dangers of drowning and it being a silent killer, ie, not lots of splashing like most expect, a kid will just sink like a stone. Needless to say - we've not booked a villa since, and I won't again until both boys are competent swimmers.

I wouldn’t be going to that villa. No chance. My toddler can unlock and open the back door. I wouldn’t even be able to sleep if I thought she could get out to a swimming pool.

I know a family whose toddler drowned. They were so so diligent about supervising him. They all came into the house and shut the doors, got chatting and the toddler let himself out of the back door which was shut but not locked and drowned when he fell into the pool. Absolute tragedy. No way on earth would I go somewhere with an unfenced pool with a toddler it's not worth the risk.

That sounds like a ratio of at least 4 vigilant adults to one child. OP doesn’t have that - she has two infants, ‘hands-off’ PIL, and BIL who is focused on his own baby. It is going to be down to her and DH to be constantly on guard.

DH and I took our 1&3 yr olds to a villa with an unfenced pool and it was fine, had a lovely holiday! I agree that other adults being in the mix is the main thing that could cause a problem, so I would talk to them about rules before you go - but don’t assume they’ll follow them, so be extra vigilant while you’re there!
if you’re inside the villa there isn’t a problem, just have the doors to the pool locked. Agree that adults must make everyone aware if they’re unlocking the door for any reason.

than as a pp said, one child each or take it in turns to watch both children so the other can swim or sunbathe. When ours were toddlers DH and I used the handover system that pilots use 😂so when they give control of the plane to the co-pilot, they say “your controls” “my controls” to confirm they’ve taken over…..I’d say “DH I’m nipping to the loo, your Susie?” and he’d reply “my Susie!” To confirm child handover 😂 it worked for us!

It sounds as if the villa is already booked, so how do you manage??? You have to have your eyes on children all of the time when outside (taking your eyes off for 30 seconds sounds too long!) . Agree the alcohol ban. Don't give Grandparents the responsibility of supervising the children.

Have the children in life vests all the time (they are not going to save a life but they might keep them nearer to the top of the water). When you go to sleep have the bedroom doors firmly locked so 3 year old cannot wander out. An adult could easily go out after you go to bed and just forget about locking the door. You will no doubt have floating stuff for the pool. Take them out when you are not near to the pool - because three year old might consider jumping on to them without realising that they are not able to. I would not teach the child to jump into the pool just yet.

It won't be a relaxing holiday for you but the children should have the best time.

I think some of the responses (saying they wouldn’t go at all) are a bit over-dramatic to be honest…
My MIL has a large pond in her garden that is not fenced, and we stay with her several times a year. What we do is: 1. Instill in the kids that the pond is VERY DANGEROUS, and they don’t go near it or they could drown.

The difference is that people aren’t taking their children swimming in garden ponds and having a lovely time so they don’t want to go in the pond and enjoy themselves when they get up in the morning and everyone is busy making breakfast.

Ponds are for looking at and for fish and frogs. They aren’t glittering jewels full of dinosaur shaped lilos where yesterday little Jim had a great time playing with a beach ball with his dad and Grandma said Jim was a brave boy for getting in.

Nor do adults just take their eye of a toddler who was is splashing about in a pond to just check the cricket score or answer a work email because if a child was in a pond you would tell them to get out straight away.

Children do drown in swimming pools all of the time.

It won't be a relaxing holiday for you but the children should have the best time

or drown

one or the other

I know that MNers famously have Terribly Advanced children but the idea that a 13-month-old could understand and heed a stern warning that the pool is VERY DANGEROUS is perhaps a stretch.

I’m sure, and I’m hopeful that everybody has said the same I wouldn’t go

We did a holiday at a house with a similar set-up quite regularly. I’m afraid you do have to be ‘on’. The biggest risk is assuming that someone else has eyes. You can’t do that basically and you or your husband have to be very clear who is in charge of which child and never rely on the group. Don’t ever have multiple doors open even if it’s more convenient- if you have one entrance and exit it isn’t as bad to manage.

I have drummed it into my children that they do not enter a pool without an adult and have been incredibly hot on that. My kids are now 7 and 10 and while they are both excellent swimmers, the rule still stands that they do not enter the water if an adult is not pool side and watching and they never have. I do not allow any dangerous behaviour in the pool. If they don’t listen or twat about they know they’ll be sat on the side.

Now your biggest risk is probably the 3 year old. The 1 year old will have no sense but you probably won’t be leaving a recent walker unattended anyway (especially as villas in hot countries often have stone floors). I would drum it into the 3 year old that no adult no pool and do some floating drills to make sure they can float on their back and starfish in case they ever did accidentally fall in.

I had this experience and it was a nightmare. I thought I could keep 2 toddlers entertained and distracted away from the pool, with colouring books and games, But they were naturally drawn to it and kept running there every 5 minutes. I ended up never relaxing as I was always with them. This meant most of my holiday consisted of being in the pool with them or watching them hover around it. My husband got fed up watching them so intensely, so started buying a daily newspaper and spent an hour reading it before returning. I know this because he was taking a while and we went to find daddy! This caused an argument as I was exhausted from being so attentive towards the children. Sorry op, you’re not going to have a relaxing holiday.

My parents lived in Spain when DS was born. Un fenced pool. You just have to have one person near them at all times, but with a toddler you need to be vigilant anyway. It's not a big deal, just don't let them outside alone, don't be pissed on a lounger reading a book. Job done.

I'm not even a a parent and I think this would be madness. You want a holiday, not a week-long stretch of 24/7 hypervigilance. As PPs have pointed out, it's not just knowing what you, your DH and your children are doing at any given moment, it's the added element of otner adults opening doors that you know you locked, etc.

If your children are only safe as long as someone else doesn't do something stupid or careless, they are not really safe.

This.

We stayed in a villa with unfenced pool with a 2yo and 18mo with in laws and siblings (not our choice of booking). I was so worried but it was actually alright, we had a good system where we would clearly say who had each child and if you were handing over responsibility to another adult you had to wait for them to acknowledge (“BIL can you watch DC1?” “yes I have DC1”) before leaving - like airline pilots!

Not ideal and you have to be really vigilant obviously, but possible with good communication.

Why would you need to rely on other people? Surely the parents are the people who need to be watching their children?
OP, make sure your children are wearing a flotation jacket when outdoors if you’re anxious. Also, make sure they’re used to jumping in water and going under well before you go on holiday.

Either you or your husband needs to be watching your 2 kids at all times during the day without exception. I wouldn’t designate this task to either of your in-laws if they are generally hands off. If your husband isn’t with the kids you need to have eyes on both and vice versa.

Once you’re all inside for the night you could lock the doors, take keys out and put them in your bedside drawer or something so you know there’s no chance of 3 year old getting out? If it’s a turn lock without out a key on the inside I don’t know.

IMO, you won’t be able to “relax” but you could still enjoy some of it. You could allocate a child each to basically follow around and always make sure they are safe - BiL’s baby is his responsibility to do the same thing. It must always be one person’s sole and main responsibility to be watching a child.

Then, you can still have fun - take your child in the pool and splash together etc. put them in a high chair and have some different foods. Go on days out (assuming you have pushchairs or carriers for the baby etc).

It could still be a fun holiday. Like going to a theme park - it’s not going to be “relaxing” but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself.

If you’re taking your children on holiday, then you’re not going to be able to lie on a sunlounger reading the latest airport novel! Holidays with little children ARE exhausting for the adults!

I wouldn't go either. I used to live in a place where many people had pools, and the number of drowning deaths was appalling. Even with a fence. Without a fence, a pool is just a death trap.

Everyone saying you need to watch them at all times, you need to do this on any holiday. Beaches and hotel pools don't have fences. It's the joy of a holiday with little kids (which isn't a holiday at all until they go to bed!)
@OneProudCrab

No response from op. Either this is a bs thread, or the op is now desperately trying to think how she can break the news to the rest of the family that it’s a bad idea and she and the dc won’t be going away! Even if bs, it’s good if it’s made people think twice about doing this kind of holiday with young children. Holidays with toddlers aren’t relaxing at the best of times, let alone with an open pool in the mix.

Agreed. But It’s better going to a family friendly hotel as they have kids club, and a park. So you don’t have to be hyper vigilant like you would around the pool. The hotel room is automatically locked while you all nap, shower or have something to eat. Whereas the villa doors internal and external are easier for them to open and the pool is more accessible to them.