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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
Auchencar · 21/04/2025 16:26

It's not just incredibly mean, it's extremely bad timing to cause upset with only a short while to go to the start of exams.

It wouldn't occur to me not to include a DC. I might offer the option of not coming if they wanted to do something else but not to offer to include a DC is terrible.

MooFroo · 21/04/2025 16:26

Very strange behaviour from a mother! If you can afford it, take her on the family holiday so she feels included - you sounds like you really don’t like her or want her there!

paddyclampster · 21/04/2025 16:27

This can’t be for real. If it is you are a horrible person. Poor girl!

Sayithowiseeit · 21/04/2025 16:27

You sound jealous and spiteful. You can afford it but you don't want her there. And what's worse is that your daughter now knows.

You'll be back in a few years wondering why she's gone no contact and "have no reason why".

NeverHadHaveHas · 21/04/2025 16:27

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:24

I have a right to boundaries just like she has a right to be upset

And what boundary of yours are you protecting? Love when people use terms glibly to excuse being arseholes.

Hwi · 21/04/2025 16:27

Absolutely, reward them! (I did not reward mine, but that is because I thought that the fact that I worked like a dog to send them to a minor day school whilst I was a comprehensive girl, was reward enough or more than enough). But it should be PARENTS rewarding them, not children rewarding themselves - it states 'she booked 2 hols to reward herself for the effort'. Nobody should be rewarding themselves - it is up for others (parents/colleagues/teachers) to reward you. Otherwise it is idiotic and self-congratulatory. Why are people up in arms when dictators of this world reward/award themselves medals? Because it is immoral and wrong. So parents should be rewarding children for effort - not silly little children 'rewarding themselves' with parental money.

Secondly, you don't reward yourself AHEAD of the results in A-levels - how do you know if you will have to re-sit? So you wait for the results, then award yourself with as many award as you want (when you make enough money to pay for them).

RogersOrganismicProcess · 21/04/2025 16:28

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:24

I have a right to boundaries just like she has a right to be upset

I have a right to boundaries attachment issues, just like therefore she has a right to be upset.

There, fixed it for you. 😉

Moonlight222 · 21/04/2025 16:28

My daughter is 17, stays with her boyfriend. Stays and holidays with her Dad she’s been on 1 holiday with us so far this year and we have 2 more booked, didn’t occur to me not to book her and do not expect her to pay either, I’ve paid deposit for next year and didn’t even ask her if she wanted to stay home.

Answeringaquestiontonight · 21/04/2025 16:28

I think (if you can afford it), it’s a shame not to invite her whilst she still might come. It’s almost like you are punishing her for going away with friends. It would perhaps also have been better to be clear before you booked so everyone knew where they stood.

Allseeingallknowing · 21/04/2025 16:29

When you booked the family holiday, having discussed it with everyone, you could have said no need for her to book the second holiday as you would all be going as a family, or she could still go on her second holiday if she paid for it all, than joined you on the family holiday.

BacktoBeginnersFran · 21/04/2025 16:29

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

Why can't you communicate with your daughter?
You're making a rod for your own back here with the way you're treating her.

MummyJ36 · 21/04/2025 16:29

OP she’s 17 not 30! If this isn’t a troll post (and I’m thinking it is) then you are really really mean spirited.

DisabledDemon · 21/04/2025 16:30

You've given her the impression that she is going to be invited as you checked with her when she will be free. What did you think was going to happen?

beetr00 · 21/04/2025 16:30

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 21/04/2025 15:31

I've already reported someone as a PBP today I am not sure MN will let me have another one, but OliveKoala only joined us today. From the posting style I'd say this is a wind up. Yes some mums do treat their kids like this, but most don't publicly boast about it.

I reported, the thread was temporarily hidden.

Unbelievable that people like this exist.

No wonder our society struggles when parents treat their children like this.

@RaffleQueen you and your husband paid for your own holidays from 15 years onward. SMH 😭

ThisCantBeRightCanIt · 21/04/2025 16:30

YouBelongWithMe · 21/04/2025 16:17

I went straight to 'read all OP's posts' and, back to back, it reads like you don't like your child tbh. And she's 17, and still a CHILD.

As the mother of a 17yr old, your attitude and values baffle and sadden me. Your poor daughter.

This ^^
17, Boyfriends every weekend, about to go to uni? - sounds like the best years of her life! Wonder if OP is a little jealous?

Maddy70 · 21/04/2025 16:30

Jesus...you left your daughter out of a family holiday! What's wrong with you?

LouOver · 21/04/2025 16:31

Enjoy favouring your sons because that's going to bite you in the arse in 10 to 15 years time when they prioritise the female side of their families.

Most families would be looking forward to a final family holiday before your daughter leaves for uni. Sounds like you can't wait to get rid of her.

Frontroomroomjungle · 21/04/2025 16:31

I wasn't welcome on any family holidays from the age of 15 - no discussion, just told the dates they were going.

It's incredibly hurtful.

LittleBearPad · 21/04/2025 16:32

Hwi · 21/04/2025 16:27

Absolutely, reward them! (I did not reward mine, but that is because I thought that the fact that I worked like a dog to send them to a minor day school whilst I was a comprehensive girl, was reward enough or more than enough). But it should be PARENTS rewarding them, not children rewarding themselves - it states 'she booked 2 hols to reward herself for the effort'. Nobody should be rewarding themselves - it is up for others (parents/colleagues/teachers) to reward you. Otherwise it is idiotic and self-congratulatory. Why are people up in arms when dictators of this world reward/award themselves medals? Because it is immoral and wrong. So parents should be rewarding children for effort - not silly little children 'rewarding themselves' with parental money.

Secondly, you don't reward yourself AHEAD of the results in A-levels - how do you know if you will have to re-sit? So you wait for the results, then award yourself with as many award as you want (when you make enough money to pay for them).

The DD has paid for one of the holidays herself. But well done your parenting approach is right up there with OPs

BeCleverViewer · 21/04/2025 16:32

This is terrible you read like your envious of your daughter. This is so malicious it's breath taking. I hope to God she gets as far away from you has possible. Toxic mothers are the worst.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 21/04/2025 16:35

Wow.

I cannot imagine ever treating my child like this.

Although I do actually really like my child, whereas it doesn't sound like you have much time for yours.

Suspect you'll be back here in 15 years wondering why you never see your grandchildren.

Pihrd · 21/04/2025 16:35

Fucking hell. Are you jealous she’s going on two holidays so punishing her? Absolutely horrible. Imagine telling your child you don’t want her.

Whenim63 · 21/04/2025 16:36

She’s 17! For context, this is the exact kind of thing that my mother did. She’s really not a very nice person and I now treat her accordingly.

BeCleverViewer · 21/04/2025 16:36

I hope she finds this post. OP your mother will continue to make you feel unwelcome and undeserving. She will as you become a woman try to sabotage you in subtle ways. She will hold on to anything you do or don't do because she is a deeply failed woman. Draw a line now build other relationships with other woman in your family. Do not help her in old age see her on your terms. 17 is hard but I promise you get out of this woman's home and she is currently your enemy. Evil evil witch.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 21/04/2025 16:37

Hwi · 21/04/2025 16:27

Absolutely, reward them! (I did not reward mine, but that is because I thought that the fact that I worked like a dog to send them to a minor day school whilst I was a comprehensive girl, was reward enough or more than enough). But it should be PARENTS rewarding them, not children rewarding themselves - it states 'she booked 2 hols to reward herself for the effort'. Nobody should be rewarding themselves - it is up for others (parents/colleagues/teachers) to reward you. Otherwise it is idiotic and self-congratulatory. Why are people up in arms when dictators of this world reward/award themselves medals? Because it is immoral and wrong. So parents should be rewarding children for effort - not silly little children 'rewarding themselves' with parental money.

Secondly, you don't reward yourself AHEAD of the results in A-levels - how do you know if you will have to re-sit? So you wait for the results, then award yourself with as many award as you want (when you make enough money to pay for them).

There is a lot to be said for rewarding effort rather than outcome.

And also a lot to be said for taking the time to reward yourself for achievements.