On cruise and kids so ungrateful and bored

[Fishnchips22]

On our first ever week long cruise, ship is amazing, loads to do. Family of four, kids are 19 and 12. They’ve enjoyed some
of it but now can’t be bothered to get up in the morning, spend loads of time on phones, haven’t done the pool/slides etc. DH pretty lazy too, so unless I organise stuff we don’t do anything. I’m so frustrated, last day today and I’m off doing my own thing cos they can’t be bothered. I’m just so fed up, it was a very expensive holiday and I’ve had a crap year with losing a parent and just wanted some lovely family time. My 12 year old DD just can’t be bothered, despite being blown away by the ship when we first boarded. I went to a show last night on my own as none of them fancied it. And just had lunch on my own as they were still in bFeel like holidaying on my own in future and saving my money! I just feel they’re so ungrateful. Does anyone else have this?

Hash brownies are hardly strong class A drugs. At least if @GinnyPiggie did these with her children it was in a safe environment and with a trusted person rather than buying it on the streets or through the local dealer whether that’s at home or on holiday. I’m not in favour of weed though either.

What sort of cruise is it op? What activities are aimed at teens on board ? Are you all in one room?

At 19, all I ever wanted to do on holiday with family was read, sit in the sun, nap, swim, mooch around the local towns or maybe go on a day trip. I certainly didn't want to hang out with a parent most of the day.
At 12, kids are mostly too old to splash around in the pool/do kids' activities but too young to enjoy a lot of the adult-focused things.
In your shoes, I'd leave the 19 year old to do what they want largely (they're an adult, after all) but remind them what great stuff there is to do and if they miss out then 🤷🏽‍♀️.
But I'd remove/greatly restrict the 12 year old's phone use - it just isn't necessary. Then they can either tag along with what you're up to find their own fun on the ship. No sitting around in their cabin all day. They're a child - you set the boundaries, not them.

However, a cruise wouldn't be my first choice for a family holiday with a tween and a young adult. Is this something that you really wanted to do and they're just along for the ride? If so, you can't really blame them for lacking some enthusiasm. Yes, they're missing out on stuff and that's annoying but they'd both probably rather be with their pals.

As for your husband though, if you both jointly wanted a cruise and now he's not doing anything on it then that's unreasonable. If, however, he's just gone along with what you want for an easy life and generally hates shows and 'organised fun' then what do you expect?

I do realise that but you are then on a timetable and you get off the ship together with hundreds if not thousands of other people to invade some town for a few hours before you have to get back on to the ship. To me that sounds even worse than staying on the ship the whole time.

Holidays with teens are generally not lovely family time.

Teens rarely get up in the morning and are mostly allergic to spending time with their parents.

We had a lot of success at this sort of age with AI hotels - they could eat when they wanted, we could eat when we wanted and we met up for dinner. They joined us for
Some excursions but not
Others.

To be fair not everyone wants to be on a cruise which presumably has people who are significantly older than they are.

The demographics of people who cruise has changed. The ones I've been on have been full of families. There is loads of things for kids and teenagers to do.

Doesn't sound like cruises work really well for OPs family 😄

From what I've read of cruise itineraries, the vast majority of the time is spent on board the ship.
When a ship does dock, it's usually only for a few hours, definitely much less than a day, and land excursions are therefore limited to crowded, organised affairs that can be done in the time available. There seems little to no opportunity for exploring the place away from the crowds. One simply wouldn't have the time to, for example, find a car hire place, hire a car and drive to somewhere away from the busy, urban port where the ship is docked, explore, go out for a meal, have a walk around then drive all the way back, drop off the hire car and get back to the port by the time the ship was due to leave.

I doubt that the OP drugged their 19 year old and parcelled them on board. So it was a choice.

@Fishnchips22 I would be fuming. A bit of time on phones fine - but that can be done at home.

I would have to have an open and strong chat with them and ask them why they are behaving like that

Yeah toughie one this. We always plan the holiday and get the kids agreement of the destination and then we ask them what they want to do whilst there and so all of us get to do things we like and no one can complain about doing other stuff. For instance I don’t really like beaches but I go along and take a book and relax and they all splash about. I drag the kids on walks and they plod along. I think a cruise they would just laugh in my face.

so honestly I wouldn’t get upset with them. As long as they enjoyed the holiday loafing then it’s a good holiday. Chalk it up to experience and make changes for next year.

Anyone over 30 is an oldie to teens and pre-teens.

And where do you expect OP to holiday with no over 30s? If teens are being brought up by adults dismissing rude and ungrateful behaviour and referring to anyone not a teen an an "oldie" even if in jest to be down with the kids, is it any wonder there are horrible teens out there that are rude? Mine do not act like that.

We did our first cruise in the summer and the best part of it for me was that we could all make the holiday exactly as we wanted it.
Being on a ship allowed my early teen DD to freedom to do as much or as little with us as she liked. We knew she was save on the ship. Wanted to join us for dinner great, come along, prefer to head to the buffet with friends she had made, no problem Didnt fancy the show, off she went to the teen hang out area. We wanted an early night, she could stay in teen hangout until midnight, didnt fancy breakfast, no problems she could go to the buffet later.
First couple of days we insisted she did ports with us, then she was getting fed up so we let her stay onboard one day, she then decided coming with us was more fun after all.
Its there holiday as well OP, they should get some choice. I assume your DH hasnt changed over night and he is usually lazy on holidays? My DH has a siesta pretty much every day. I would use that time to head to the spa or sunbathe etc that he had zero interest in doing.

Well, I would take this as a learning experience, yelling or getting huffy is not going to magically make them start enjoying themselves. I’d actually be a bit worried about them tbh, sounds like they are living their lives online (as do so many these days). It’s so easy to get into a rut where you stare at a screen all day long and the real world loses its excitement and shine because it just doesn’t dish out the dopamine as regularly as a screen.

Your 19 year old is an adult, so I’d just call this the last family holiday for them.

Your 12 year old though I think needs less screen time. I would be seriously thinking of upping phone restrictions and finding ways to get her out and about in the real world without it. In retrospect, the cruise would have been a good opportunity for ‘phone free time’ for all of you. Maybe do this next holiday.

Oldies, it is half term and the OP said it is a ship with loads to do for young people. I cannot imagine most “oldies”, as you so eloquently put it being the least bit interested in going at half term!

I had similar with my mum, wasn't 19 though. She loves cruises and offered me to join her, all expenses paid. Shopping! Eating! Drinking! Lounging by the pool! Yay!

I love museums, people watching, activities, sightseeing, lots of walking, always on the move, architecture, gigs, tours, active big city holidays. I'd rather stay home than go on cruise.

She also called me ungrateful. I don't see why should I be grateful for her trying to drag me to hell.

Oh yes, and we did some 'sun, sea and sand', hols when I was a child/teen. I hate it, it's skullcrushingly boring. Doing nothing, just lying at the beach and eating out. Pretended to be somewhat grateful to keep the peace and counted the days until I could come back home to my friends.

We love a cruise, although we’ve only ever been on the Disney Cruise Line ships and only ever around the Bahamas, so we know there’s plenty to do and you’re generally going to have the weather.

I’ve looked into other cruise lines and with teenagers, probably wouldn’t contemplate many of them. With more adult shows and focus on restaurants, casinos, cabaret etc it just wouldn’t appeal to my family. So I think it really depends on what ship you’re on and where in the world you are, as to how enjoyable this type of vacation is likely to be for teens.

People also holiday in different ways. Teens love to sleep in. It’s part of how they relax. I wouldn’t sweat it and I’d leave them in bed. Part of the joy of this type of vacation surely, is so you can all go and do your own thing and enjoy at your own pace. Seems a waste for you to be getting all worked up about it.

Enjoy your last day op. You’ll be sorry you didn’t. And for next year, adult only vacations are definitely the way forward.

Depends on the cruise.
I went on one this summer. I didn't book a single excursion, we did our own thing in every port. It was pretty easy to get away from the crowds and explore.
Most port days were 7/8am to 5/6pm (apart from one day where is was 12-7).

You don't have to get off straight away, we usually had a leisurely breakfast and then got off the ship. We always had plenty of time to see the place and go further afield if we wanted to.

It's Amsterdam, it's well regulated! We didn't snort something off a bin in Catford.

We were in a far worse state after some of the on-cruise cocktails...

A 19 year old is an adult.

Not a good idea to start a fight with a younger adult family member.

🤣💀

There's been some shitty replies on this thread. OP's upset - did you see she recently lost a parent- so why put the boot in?

Lots of people of all ages love cruises. I'm sure the OP discussed it with her kids before they booked it.

All the best, OP.

If all you do on holiday is stay in bed until afternoon then sit playing on your phone, you might as well stay at home and do that.

I can understand your annoyance with them OP. I'd be very annoyed with DH is he had helped to choose the holiday and plan it and then just lay in bed all day .

I'm not saying every minute has to be planned and packed with activities but I can'y understand him just lying in bed all day every day. Part of a holiday is having time together doing interesting/relaxing things and new opportunities. Lying in bed or being on a phone all day is lazy, selfish and thoughtless.

You just need to research your cruise so it fits with what you want to do.

On one we did around the caribbean we got talking to a couple who were avid bird watchers. At every port we stopped at they had pre-booked a hire car and went off in search of specific birds. Not for me but they had a wonderful time.

We never do ships tours. If there is somewhere specific we want to go we get a local bus or taxi, or in some ports you can hire bikes and just go off and do your thing.

Just because someone is an "oldie" doesn't means teens don't respect them.

They just treat oldies differently depending on age, how they are related to them and some other characteristics.

That's quite a stark age gap in terms of interests op which makes for a bit of a challenge. 12 year olds can be very self conscious doing things alone and a 19yo might not want to look like they are hanging out with a 12yo.