On cruise and kids so ungrateful and bored

[Fishnchips22]

On our first ever week long cruise, ship is amazing, loads to do. Family of four, kids are 19 and 12. They’ve enjoyed some
of it but now can’t be bothered to get up in the morning, spend loads of time on phones, haven’t done the pool/slides etc. DH pretty lazy too, so unless I organise stuff we don’t do anything. I’m so frustrated, last day today and I’m off doing my own thing cos they can’t be bothered. I’m just so fed up, it was a very expensive holiday and I’ve had a crap year with losing a parent and just wanted some lovely family time. My 12 year old DD just can’t be bothered, despite being blown away by the ship when we first boarded. I went to a show last night on my own as none of them fancied it. And just had lunch on my own as they were still in bFeel like holidaying on my own in future and saving my money! I just feel they’re so ungrateful. Does anyone else have this?

Cruises worked really well for my family when my DC were a similar age. We’d take turns choosing excursions and prebook those before we went. My DC are into history, anything war related and general sightseeing so that helps.
For the days at sea we’d do a few activities together or in different combinations of family members and also a lot of stuff in our own. I particularly enjoyed having a posh lunch with a glass of something sparkling on my own. My DH loves the buffet and the DC would be the American diner place. My older DC would spend ages in a hot tub, i would go the spa, the youngest would find something sporty to do and he loves a quiz. He’d also hang out in his stateroom a lot, the older one did too as he liked reading on the balcony.
We always got two interconnecting balcony staterooms (and have the balcony divider removed) and something we did do as a family was watch the runners just before the shop was due to leave the port a mocktail or cocktail.

Frankly, if I was on cruise, I'd hide in my cabin most of the time. My idea of hell on earth tbh. Did you ask them (kids and DH) if that's what they wanted to do before you booked?

What I now do with family holidays is agree (and book) a location, and then decide what I want to do. Then each evening I will announce ‘I’m planning to go to [insert site of ancient ruins] tomorrow. Does anyone want to come?’ I usually get at least one taker (DH), often all of them, but I don’t make a fuss if it’s just me. And I’ll happily tag along with anyone else who wants to take the initiative. I just don’t want to end up not doing things I want to do because I can’t get anyone else to do them with me.

We tend to self cater — none of us would enjoy a cruise — but I find that taking it in turns to choose the restaurant when we go out ensures 100% participation.

Goodness at either 12 or 19 I would have found a cruise very boring. At 66, I would still find it boring. I like going outdoors things or learning things or seeing a new city/culture on my rare holidays. If I want a break I can lie around at home. A cruise up the Norwegian fjords, or to the Galapagos or to the Arctic might be interesting but just lying around on a big tub?

kust leave them to it @Fishnchips22 You go enjoy yourself!

Being in bed until 11.30 on holiday is standard for me. We very rarely make breakfast when we're away. Don't get me wrong, i like to get out and about when i'm up but getting up early on holiday is not my thing.

Try and be happy of the peace and quiet and enjoy your last day. Next time have a discussion about everyones expectations before you book/go.

I couldn't imagine my kids would have enjoyed a cruise at those ages. We're city people though and holidaying for us is doing cultural things, walking around looking at areas/buildings/parks/beaches and taking in the place, sitting outside at restaurants/cafe's people watching and having slow lunches/dinners. To me going on a cruise is even less fun than going to a resort for a week or two and never set foot outside of it, which I would also hate. At least in a resort the people change every day.

.I like going outdoors things or learning things or seeing a new city/culture on my rare holidays

A cruise actually sounds perfect for you.

Tbh we’ve got to this stage with our kids too - they truly have no understanding how much a holiday costs - or how many hours you’ve had to work to earn the money. I decided I was done after the last trip (same reluctance to get up, put tech down, join us with any civility, made to feel as though they are joining us under sufferance and doing us a favour).

Told them I won’t be taking them on any more holidays but will go away for a week with DH, and arrange a few solo city breaks. I love them, but perhaps they just don’t want to be with us that much now they’re teens and perhaps they don’t really care about the pool/bar/sights. So, Ok, fine. They can wait until they’re older and choose their own holidays, funded by their own graft.

My first holiday/flight was at 23. Never had so much as a camping trip or day trip to the beach and I wanted better for them. So it’s my fault as we’ve spoilt them. Not any more.

Eh? Don't the ships moor and you go out for the day (if you want to?).

You do get to get off the boat and explore. Though you have a limited time.

I recently came back from a cruise, and although there were children on the ship, and a children's club, I do not think it is really suitable for a 19 year old, and I did not see many teenagers at all.
When I went away with my DC when they were a similar age, we discussed beforehand the things they wanted to do, and I made sure we all did some things we all (including me) wanted to do.
A cruise ship often has several days spent at sea, and although there are often things laid on to do, I would imagine there would be very little that would suit all of you.

You do realise that cruises stop at different places for you to explore? It's actually a really good way to see a variety of places on one holiday.

There are some really strange views on what a cruise involves.....
I did a cruise recently and we had kids with us aged between 10-16. There was so much for them to do and loads of other kids to hang out with.
During the school holidays cruises will have a wide range of ages.

Plus you wake up in a different place everyday!

Anyone over 30 is an oldie to teens and pre-teens.

It's unclear whether you're getting off at the ports and spending all day out and about.

If you are, then of course they're tired and want to lounge the rest of the time ot want time alone (although not wanting to go to a show is a bit rubbish).

If you aren't, then they suck.

What are you doing at mealtimes?

At least in a resort the people change every day.

On a cruise the place changes everyday!

They're like theme park water slides, adult style, not kids' swimming pool slides.

My mother used to be like this about holidays (and much else besides). She would book somewhere nice for us all to go but she would get so wrapped up about how the holiday should be that it really bothered her when things turned out differently to how she had planned it in her head.

@Fishnchips22 I'm sure they are all very grateful about going on a cruise but their idea of a holiday is obviously very different to yours. I've only been on a cruise once and I enjoyed every day of it but bits of it wore off more quickly than others. I find by day 4 I'm bored of the abundance of food and the shows and I just want to relax for example.

It sounds like you have somewhat fixed ideas about how your family should behave on the cruise and unfortunately I think this is your problem rather than theirs. I'm slightly uncomfortable with the idea that I would take my family on holiday but then expect them to behave in a certain way or get enthusiastic about certain things to meet with my approval. Like I said, I think my mother wore me out with those kind of expectations. Sitting around and doing nothing on holiday is actually a really popular choice and it's certainly what I would have been wanting to do if I was having a break from university or school!

I saw in another thread that a guy was complaining because his wife wouldn't let his own mother come to theirs on Christmas Day. I feel like this is something similar. It's a control thing, expecting people to conform to your vision of how things should play out or being disappointed if they don't. It's good that you haven't acted on it and I would recommend keeping your disappointment to yourself.

You did drugs with your son/daughter? Okayyyyyyy

The attraction of cruises:

that you get beautiful views that other people don't see, both at sea and entering different countries with an "above" view.

that the travel becomes part of the holiday rather than clock watching at airports and sighing about cancelled flights and being knackered.

being able to see a lot of different places in a short amount of time.

When I went on a family holiday at 17 years old I’m sure I lazed around/slept in late and used the pool (house/villa with a pool) sporadically but not huge amounts. That’s family holidays for you though.

The 12 year old here I’d expect to be more into the cruise. To be fair not everyone wants to be on a cruise which presumably has people who are significantly older than they are.

Fine for them to have a lie in, but not fine to be on phone all day. I would take the phone away a few hours a day and say they need to make use of the cruise.....or at least lie by the pool on their phone and make them all at least watch one show with you etc.

The cruise experience has change massively in 'a few decades'. Have only been on one family friendly cruise and the teens all seemed to be having a great time. They had a dedicated area and any time we walked past it was always packed with music blasting out. On the last night there were groups of teens crying and hugging each other and promising to keep in touch. It was quite sweet.

Oh, and cruises do visit actual countries.

Will people stop saying that the OP has in some way forced her children onto a cruise. She specifically said that they all chose it.

It sounds as if they’re enjoying their holiday their way which doesn’t fall in line with how you’re expecting them to enjoy their holiday

Especially the 19 year old, who do you know that age that likes getting up early, particularly when they’re on holiday?!

Family friendly cruises during school holidays are awash with kids of all ages.