On cruise and kids so ungrateful and bored

[Fishnchips22]

On our first ever week long cruise, ship is amazing, loads to do. Family of four, kids are 19 and 12. They’ve enjoyed some
of it but now can’t be bothered to get up in the morning, spend loads of time on phones, haven’t done the pool/slides etc. DH pretty lazy too, so unless I organise stuff we don’t do anything. I’m so frustrated, last day today and I’m off doing my own thing cos they can’t be bothered. I’m just so fed up, it was a very expensive holiday and I’ve had a crap year with losing a parent and just wanted some lovely family time. My 12 year old DD just can’t be bothered, despite being blown away by the ship when we first boarded. I went to a show last night on my own as none of them fancied it. And just had lunch on my own as they were still in bFeel like holidaying on my own in future and saving my money! I just feel they’re so ungrateful. Does anyone else have this?

I think a 19 year old who is on a family holiday could make an effort to have lunch with their mum or join her for a show.

presumably they chose to be there. Not participating in anything is pretty poor behaviour.

I'd say the idea is they do what they feel like. You shouldn't try and force entertainment and 'fun' on kids. 12 is a difficult age as a lot of the kids stuff might seem a bit babyish but obviously he's not old enough for drinking or late night more grown up stuff. Maybe the 16 yo might feel similar, in that they're not quite an adult yet.
I would just relax, do your own thing. Maybe make a few new friends? I heard cruises were very sociable places.
Just explore a bit on your own, and hopefully the others will come round to sharing some of the experiences with you. But they may be happier just chilling quietly doing hardly anything.
Don't let it spoil your fun. If you dragged them to stuff they have no interest in it would just be a downer on your enjoyment.

I get exactly what you mean but this is what they wld prefer. When I was 19 I wld never have wanted to go away with my parents, I was old enough to be doing my and enjoying my own holidays. 12 is also a bit of an awkward age, they "get bored", I remember saying it myself on holiday with my own parents.

Maybe try something that everyone fancies next time or even just somewhere cheaper that if they want to laze around and not do much then it hasn't cost an arm and a leg.

My kids are 4 and 7 and were a bit like that after the first 4 days this year, more so my eldest. It was an all inclusive resort with a few pools, slides, a la carte restaurants and great kids entertainment. We went for 10days. They ended up not wanting breakfast as didn't like it much. Eldest started asking to stay in and play on her tablet 😳😮 I think a week would have been enough this time. The resort we were in outside the hotel didn't offer much either. The kids also didn't like the food much. We are going away for a week at February half term and this time it's self catering. In the resort centre and it's only a week and I'm hoping they'll be grateful for some winter sun.

It's everyone's holiday. Just relax and do what you want just as they are doing!

I think the problem with a cruise is that it is such a specific type of holiday. If you like that sort of thing then you will be fine. If you dont then there is little opportunity to change it.

This is why we have always self-catered. We can then all holiday at the level we enjoy. DH and I enjoy sightseeing, DCs would prefer lounging around.

I remember my parents taking me on a cruise when I was about 16 and being a right mardy cow about it! I spent half my time on the computers emailing my boyfriend

Obviously now I understand my parents perspective about it a bit more but at the time my feeling was- I’ve had no say about coming on this holiday, I would have been happier at home, yet because you chose to spend a load of money on it I’ve got to pretend to have fun?!

Don't expect gratitude from kids.

Don't believe cruise adverts with idealised family pics.

Go and do and enjoy the things you want to do, which aren't of interest to them.

Let them do what they want. They're on holiday too and want to do things that aren't of interest to you.

Well why can’t they enjoy it the way they want to then? You’re being super prescriptive about what the holiday should look like. Have you considered you’re ruining their holiday with your behaviour?

Enjoy it on your own and leave them be

They are doing what they want to do on holiday?
The monsters!!!
Why should they have to holiday exactly the way you want to?
Maybe a bit of compromise is needed? You say you’d love it if they joined you for a meal and you leave them to relax for the rest of the day?

I can understand the kids being lack lustre, although they really should make more effort for their mum, but your DH is just being plain mean. Marriage is about supporting each other (to an extent and within reason of course) otherwise you might as well be single.

I would agree. I've cruised with my kids since they were early teens and one of the reasons we all love it so much is because we can do nothing. Plus it's easy for us to do different things if we want. The only thing I enforce is a shared sit down dinner. I'd say just go with the flow, chill and enjoy.

They are having the holiday they want

Have you actually sat them down and explained how you are feeling in a non emotional, non guilt tripping way.

"After the difficult year I've had I was really hoping that we would spend some time together, I can see that you want to relax so do that during the day then there are these 3 shows / events this evening which would you like to do with me? "

Or are you expecting them to mind read which they won't

I would also be furious if my DC behaved like that, especially the 19 year old who is an adult and could have chosen to stay at home.

My own 14 year old was ruining a UK holiday with similar
attitude and I ended up losing a day driving her home to stay with her aunt.

I would also be disappointed at my DH for not making an effort.

You chose a cruise because it was what you wanted to do. You spent the money on it

^

This.

Plus, did you mean 9 or 19??

We normally did holidays based on what the DC liked ,and now they have grown up we do what we like
Can't think any of mine would have enjoyed a cruise and certainly not the 'entertainment '
When they were mid to late teens we usually left them sleeping in hotel and went and did something and then met them for lunch
Not sure what your husband is playing at but if he won't join you I would just enjoy doing my own thing

I do sympathise. I remember taking my then 14 year old to India on an amazing trip, he couldn't have been less interested in the culture, hated eating dinner with me in hotels every night, was bored by the sightseeing ( except the Tigers) and spent every moment he could glued to his phone ... But then it was MY choice to go, not his...

You have a dh problem op!

Its fine for teens to be teens, by why is your husband behaving like one?!

He should be joining you for the day and/or evenings. You shouldn’t be doing everything by yourself. By all means enjoy some time apart and do your own thing but he isn’t participating at all as a couple. Which doesn’t bode well for the future.

I would holiday with friends going forward that share your interests, and leave them all at home!

Go away with a girlfriend instead. I had a two week holiday with my bestie this year. Best holiday ever. In fact, it was that good, we have already booked for next year.

Cruises are amazing for teens nowadays. The last one we went on with our kids had climbing walls. Surf simulator, Escape Room, pools, huge slides, hot tubs, films on deck, shows, discos, laser tag, free pizza delivered to the cabin

they didn’t get up till lunchtime though, and never ate wit us - they wanted the diner, we wanted the ‘good’ restaurants

I’m guessing g the age difference might factor in. If your dd had another 12yo to explore with, she might enjoy things more. Can you inveigle her to the teen club once or twice so she can pal up?

Our children stopped holidaying with us when they went to uni. The last holiday we did was exactly like this, not up till 3ish and bed at 3 p.m having graciously accepted an expensive meal before partying! Now they’re adults we’ve had several lovely holidays as a family, they do get better!

I would feel the same, it would be my worst nightmare. I love holidays but something very different to this. I couldn't imagine DS 17 and 20 wanting to come with us on holiday like this.

YABVU to expect them to get in a cruise ship pool. Urgh. All those bodies in such a small bit of water.

It's their holiday too. I have a teen and tween and we're not doing a main holiday next summer. My kids are great but I'm not spending several K for them to be online the same as they would at home.

We have agreed to do some short city breaks, a uk caravan (they still love a caravan holiday) and I'm going off for some sun.

I have a friend who won a cruise trip when he was 19. He went with a friend of his the same age. They said it was the worse holiday they ever had. A few decades on and they haven't been on any cruises since.

He's also someone who refused to go on holiday with this parents from the age of 14.

He did and does like going away but he prefers visiting actual countries with ab bit of laying around.