Dad won't give consent letter for my daughter as he is bitter

[KindExpert]

Hi I have booked a holiday to Egypt for October 2024 with my daughter who lives with me. And only sees him when her can be bothered in all fairness. I told my ex partner back in January about the trip and he was fine with it. He hasn't been paying child support for over 7 months so I've decided to go down the csa route. He isn't happy about this and out of spite has now decided he won't give a consent letter unless I cancel the csa. I haven't mentioned anything about this to my daughter because I don't want to upset her as she's quite an emotional person and this will affect her. I have her birth certificate. Me and my ex both have custody of her so I feel this will be a issue when traveling. Can anyone help

@MaidOfAle It's more the time frame from the court application to the hearing. Usually 6+ weeks.

Yes it counts as financial abuse because it's using money to change behaviour against wishes.

@MaidOfAle - the thing is, OP can prove consent was originally provided by dad, back in January, and then withdrawn for no valid reason (other than CMS having been applied for).

If C100 for SIO is raised with exemption from MIAM (citing financial abuse) today, this could be heard within the OP's timeframe (ie before half term which is usually end October?). It's a risk, but I would imagine it's worth trying so as to remain on the correct side of the law (even though consent has already been given).

Like I said down thread however, having had lived experience of a similar situation (which was in fact somewhat more unnerving as parent A + child were travelling to their country of origin, the parent (B) who contacted border police was given a serious grilling by several officials as to why they would not grant permission for the holiday), it's an awfully difficult one to answer when the person attempting to prevent the travel has absolutely no valid evidence that there is a serious enough flight risk - particularly if the person travelling with the child has all the necessary documentation (passport, BC, marriage and divorce certificates (if relevant), a home, mortgage / rental agreement, job, wider family, or even, other children, and that the child is 14 and looking forward to their holiday...

It really depends on the area OP is living.

Just another one chipping in to say I've never been asked for anything extra when I've taken DS abroad & I've never had a letter or taken his birth certificate.

We share the same surname.

There is no rule that a British citizen can only have one passport. OP if you think this is likely then apply for a second passport for her.

You can risk it - I've never been stopped or had the kids asked any questions when I've taken them abroad on my own & my mum has taken them numerous times without me since youngest DD was 3 & never been questioned.

However, the basic fact is he's not given you permission, his reasoning is irrelevant, I'm sure he could come up with something reasonable sounding if he cared enough & if he was to contact border force or the passport office & advise them that he hasn't given permission but you intend to take your child out of the country then the likelihood is they'll put a flag on her passport & you'll be dragged to a back office for questioning when you get to security.

They know that some parents are arseholes but still need to work within the constraints of the law.

She knows there's an issue. But I don't want to say to her that we are DEFINITELY not going. I've just been saying to her it'll be fine and don't worry about it. But reality is, is that I am worried. And just needed to hear other people's experiences when traveling with there daughter with a different name, who are not with the childs father.

No not this
this is a myth. Only if you have a child arrangements order.

Go see a solicitor op and get and order that allows you to take her out of the country without his permission.
within this order also get it stated you hold the oassport and he has to return it to you within x amount after he had taken her out of the country.

However as you may not manage this in Time for now text him you have heard him and holiday has been cancelled and you will instead holiday in the UK tell him sonething like center parks etc. so it still sounds like a great holiday (Hopefully should put him off cancelling passports etc ) then obviously go where you intend to and have an amazing time.

Your stating in the thread that you will chance travelling abroad without the other responsible parents permission is just wrong. You might get away with it as others have said here and have a nice holiday with your new partner but just get ready for the fallout when you get back. You will have given your ex gold dust to use against you forever. You will have acted illegally and taken his child, for which he has responsible parent status, away abroad. Think of this the other way round - an entitled feckless dad takes his kid abroad without the permission of the other responsible parent . It would be outrage here but most people have written forge documents and/or just go for it because you are the mum. You can wave goodbye to the child support being actioned as the court looks first at your illegal actions. If you forge documents you will have to explain this to the justice system. Your ex’s texts saying don’t go wont be seen as blackmail but as an attempt to stop you from taking his kid abroad. If you get a criminal record you won’t be able to easily get a visa again. If you think that your ex will never know - a visa will be attached to your daughter’s passport so he will find out at sometime. But …Your ex does actually know about your holiday plans and he could be hoping you’ll go so he can use this against you. Think what you are teaching your daughter about following the law and getting her to lie to her dad. Does your partner know about the situation? If he knows then he obviously doesn’t care if you get into trouble with the law. Does he want your dd to live with her dad? Have a think about it all.

I’m not surprised. She is probably disgusted.

I don't want to take chances. I'm saying that he has been saying his happy for dd to away with us and his happy to write a letter of consent. But since last year he hasn't paid nothing for his daughter, I have had no options than to go down the CSA. Now up until last week his has now declined giving consent. I'm seeking legal advice asap. If we can't go then we won't. It'll be on him then. And our daughter will know that he causesd it

Legal advice can and will cost you a fortune - look at the C100 application online. Mark yourself as exempt from mediation (financial abuse). Fill out the form making sure in the written parts you state you need an urgent hearing listed as the holiday which dad previously gave consent for in January, was booked, and now he has withdrawn consent. Tick the box for Specific Issue Order. Make sure you tick the box for sending a copy of the completed form back to yourself. It will go directly to the closest court to where you live. Wait patiently for 24 hours before calling the court to pay £255 for the form to be pushed through the process.

A solicitor will charge upwards of £250 + VAT to tell you this, and a further £500 + VAT to fill the form in for you. It's just not worth it.

What makes you think that if you withdraw the CSA claim he will allow your daughter to leave the country?

He's doing this because he doesn't want to pay the money but also so he can control you.

It's abuse.

If he finds you do withdraw the claim, then what will be the next demand?

He's withholding the money not from you but his daughter too.

A fair amount of this is complete nonsense. For a start, child maintenance is not linked in any way to the illegal actions/lack thereof of the RP. Next, although I would never advise anyone to forge documents, the law around forgery and what amounts to a criminal offence is complicated and it's doubtful that the police would be particularly interested in this sort of "domestic" situation, especially if the child had already returned to the UK. Then also, the father would be very unwise to make a complaint given the allegations of coercion/financial abuse which could be made against him.

Complete nonsense is what you write that’s for sure. Taking a child abroad without permission from the other responsible parent isn’t a non issue especially when the ex has been described as “toxic”.

The police are highly unlikely to be particularly interested in it after the fact.

Give in to his blackmail and deny her daughter the holiday?! Are you serious?

OP don't do this.

The DD deserves a holiday. I'm assuming she's not having one with her shitty dad, so she should definitely get one with her one decent parent.

So you’re telling the op to break the law?

I've no advice as such, but your ex wins today's Massive Cunt award by quite a distance. And in a very strong field.

Imo the OP should go to court for a court order and ask the judge to award costs against her ex. If I were the OP, I'd ask for a general order (covering future holidays as well) so he can't pull this stunt again.

But the police aren't going to be interested when the child (a teen) is ALREADY BACK IN THE COUNTRY. I imagine they have enough real work to do rather than acting as a tool for controlling men.

Thank you.