Dad won't give consent letter for my daughter as he is bitter

[KindExpert]

Hi I have booked a holiday to Egypt for October 2024 with my daughter who lives with me. And only sees him when her can be bothered in all fairness. I told my ex partner back in January about the trip and he was fine with it. He hasn't been paying child support for over 7 months so I've decided to go down the csa route. He isn't happy about this and out of spite has now decided he won't give a consent letter unless I cancel the csa. I haven't mentioned anything about this to my daughter because I don't want to upset her as she's quite an emotional person and this will affect her. I have her birth certificate. Me and my ex both have custody of her so I feel this will be a issue when traveling. Can anyone help

I would just say fine we've cancelled then go, at 14 shes not going to be asked.

I have a different surname to son and only been asked returning back to the UK for his birth certificate not leaving the country and have taken away from 4 to 15! His dad would not stop me though although he's uslessles.

Seems a teen girl thing to me too. What I would say is it depends on the passport people when you travel a lot of the time. Myself, my daughter and her school friend went to Amsterdam on the overnight ferry for the day. Me and daughter same name. Friend obvs different. They would not let us on in the uk port until they'd called and spoke to one of her parents. The girls were 15. On reaching Amsterdam we had a bit of a kerfuffle getting through in that they kicked up A bit of a fuss. But after half an hour they let us in. Some parents on the coach transfer were not happy as they were with their own kids all same names and being treat terribly.

This is ridiculous advice. So single parents and children are meant to be punished because absent parents can’t be arsed to play an active part in their lives and don’t want to pay child support?

If there is no court order in place I would continue with the holiday, although be aware he could contact the passport office/police and state you intend to abduct your child. In which case you could be arrested. Might be worth seeking 30 minute free legal advice.

I was travelling with my 2 kids without their dad and was asked for a letter and quizzed at Schipol airport about where their father was.

If I were you OP I'd get someone else to write you a letter. They're barely going to glance at it never mind be able to check he even wrote it.

Don't cancel the holiday.

@KindExpert - I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and I understand how stressful it must be, especially when you really need a break. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of incorrect and irrelevant information in in this thread regarding the details you’ve shared about your situation. While I can’t offer specific advice on your situation, as mentioned by @Starlightstarbright3, you could face charges. With a malicious and spiteful ex who shares access and parental responsibility with you, it’s not worth taking any risks. You need to legal advice. I am sorry to be bleak but this is the reality.

We had the same thing but only on entering the uk with dd’s friend this year. They let us out of the country with her just fine. She’s 16. She called her mum, who confirmed all was well and we were sent through with a reminder that we should have written parental consent for a minor.

Very high trafficking risk. Better safe than sorry.

I've got a different surname to my daughter and once when travelling back to the U.K. she was asked at passport control who I was. Never had to produce a letter. Surely anyone could just fake one anyway??

Yes you do! Please can people stop saying this. You only get 28 days if there is a child arrangements order in place.

OP, could you contact the PP office to put a note on file to check with you if anyone reports your DD’s passport as lost? I’m sure they’ve encountered this sort of thing before.

You could always pay £250 and apply to court for a specific issue order, and get a 'lives with' order at the same time. That would take the wind out of his sails...

Get a specific issue order: https://www.mills-reeve.com/services/family-and-children/children/holidays-abroad#:~:text=If%20your%20ex%20has%20parental,called%20a%20specific%20issue%20order.

and speak to the lawyer about his attempted blackmail and coercive control.

Why bother chancing it? You've got evidence threatening removal of consent if you don't drop your legal entitlement to go through the CMS for child maintenance. That's going to be incredibly useful to substantiate the reason for applying to Court for permission.

It’s the law. Travel abroad needs the permission of the both parents when both parents have parental responsibility for their child. You can go to court to sort out problems such as refusal to give permission or to become the single responsible parent. The child support aspect is a separate issue to the travel permission.

Even then, that has to be a lives with order and not a shared care order (which is more common), and if the other parent has contact time scheduled within that 28 days which is likely in most cases, then you still need their consent and written permission or you are in breach of a court order and could face abduction charges.
The only other alternative to that is if there is judicial consent for said holiday or specific window of time and place for travel.

Your daughter is old enough to have Gillick competency. This most often involves involvement in medical decisions, but there is no reason why the same principle can’t apply to her involvement in other decisions. She cannot be held prisoner and denied opportunities by a spiteful absent parent. I expect she could apply to the court law to have his parental responsibility removed to prevent him from interfering in this way. It may not help for October, but is worth looking into. Why fathers destroy their relationships with their children in this way is unfathomable.

Just go, it'll likely be fine.

Don't tell him either. Just let the date approach and get on the plane. Tell your DD to respond "I don't know" to any enquiries from her nasty father.

My partner and I have taken his 4 year old daughter abroad 3 times, we have verbal consent from Mum obviously but nothing written, mum applied for the passport; and we have never been stopped. Last return to UK they asked at customs if I was her Mum and I said no and he just said ‘that’s good, I don’t need to ask loads of questions now’, as it must’ve flagged up Mum’s name and not mine.

Ask Women's Aid for advice.

At 14 I would take her anyway.

Unfortunately this is Nowhere near enough to get Pr removed!!! Would be better for kids if it was though. So many abuse responsibility out of spite, like OPs prince among men.

Is it literally a written piece of paper that says ‘I xxx, give permission + signature’? There is surely no way to verify or document something like that, so there would be no proof it ever existed after showing it to staff… so what would stop someone forging it? They couldn’t even validate the signature could they.

I've travelled abroad with DS (now 16) multiple times since he was 6. DH is not his Dad. All 3 of us have different passport surnames and we were never stopped.

I never had a letter either. Solicitor advised us that if ex ever attempted to report us for taking the child out of the country without permission, he wouldn't have a leg to stand on because there is a return journey booked and you can take them for upto 28 days without permission if you're the resident parent and it's court ordered.