Dad won't give consent letter for my daughter as he is bitter

[KindExpert]

Hi I have booked a holiday to Egypt for October 2024 with my daughter who lives with me. And only sees him when her can be bothered in all fairness. I told my ex partner back in January about the trip and he was fine with it. He hasn't been paying child support for over 7 months so I've decided to go down the csa route. He isn't happy about this and out of spite has now decided he won't give a consent letter unless I cancel the csa. I haven't mentioned anything about this to my daughter because I don't want to upset her as she's quite an emotional person and this will affect her. I have her birth certificate. Me and my ex both have custody of her so I feel this will be a issue when traveling. Can anyone help

When he provided consent for the holiday back in January, did he give this in writing?

I am pretty laid back but wouldn't take the risk after my experience taking DS (10) to the USA. His dad and I are together but not married and DS has his dads surname. We got stopped at border control in New York and DS got quizzed on who I was, where dad was, why we were going to the USA without dad etc.... they asked to see documentation and luckily I had his BC and a letter from my partner giving me permission to take him (my own child!) o holiday.

I've also been stopped taking one of DS's friends age 15 on a flight in Europe- again I had a letter from the parents giving permission but in that case they phoned the father to check as well!

Maybe I'm just unlucky- or I look like a dodgy child trafficker (I don't btw).

I’d keep all the texts, copy them, back them up etc Tell him ( don’t put it in writing) ok ( sad face) you’ll drop the csa claim as long as dd can go on your holiday.
Then as soon as you’re back show his texts to a solicitor as evidence of coercive control, and reactivate csa claim.
Enjoy your holiday, sounds like you both need a break far away from him.

I can’t believe he sent that text to his child. What did she say back?!

No it's was done by txt. He was said when he next sees our daughter he will give it to her. But never did.

She didn't say anything back apart from "ok". She was upset. It's played a massive impact on her mental health. Just because she's in the middle of it all. Which his dragging her into

With very recent experience, police advice from border control at London Gatwick allow those with "verbal consent" to travel alone with their DC, and will often go all out in making the parent attempting to prevent the holiday / travel feel very, very ashamed. Obviously this directly contravenes the government website suggestion that if there is no court order in place, all those with PR must provide written consent for travel, however those on the ground are indeed the ones you need to get through.

Given the child's age, the court would be unlikely to make a child arrangements order anyway, and it is the child's wishes and feelings which hold the most weight at 14. A solicitors letter won't be worth the cost you will pay to get it written and sent, as the other party simply does not have to engage.

@KindExpert, a text could absolutely work in this scenario.

I have taken DS on holiday 6 times, on my on and have never been asked for a letter - I didn't know it was a thing tbh.

Thank you. I appreciate your comment.

My kids have a different surname to me and are a different race, and I’ve travelled with them loads but got stopped last year at Portsmouth. I thought they were joking, but no, Border Force insisted on my contacting my ex and he had to text his ID and a permission notice that the kids were ok to travel with me. I was astounded, and ex is an epic arse but even he didn’t withhold consent on his own kids ,at check-in. They also said to make sure I had their birth certs with me in future which I did, plus my marriage certificate and divorce decree absolute, and there was no problem the next time we travelled, but they certainly checked.

I have a different surname to my child and have been asked a few times for his birth certificate but never a permission letter.
We are usually only asked when we arrive back in England (both White British).

Forge a letter just in case. V unlikely to be asked.

You can apply through the court for permission and show them the evidence that he is withholding permission as a means of blackmail.

Can you ‘ring’ him , lie and say, ok iv dropped it
Just so he wont cancel the passport?

Depending on the area OP is in in the UK, they could indeed raise a C100 and highlight that they are in need of a Specific Issue Order for travel on the dates booked. The C100 costs £255. An issue you may come across is the need to attempt mediation ahead of heading to court - you'll need a MIAM certificate to prove you've at least tried to sort this between yourselves.

In any event if you decided to request a SIO you'll need to get your skates on - courts are inundated and the administration of proceedings can take weeks, if not months (and in some cases, years....)

You have asked for lots of opinions and who knows. Mine is , you will be fine.
I would say , no problem, I can't afford it anyway and tell your daughter that- you will go to Cornwall and see xyz friend instead - insert another county of choice .
I travel ALL the time and have zero problem.
Anecdotally I do actually have a friend with a court order and her daughter registered at the border. We are in a European country however. Her daughter was taken without a consent letter on holiday ( she was basically just taken by her dad on her mums week) back to UK. The court order covered our country and UK, No one stopped the dad. The police in the UK were informed and visited where this dad was. The police were happy the child was with another parent and had a return ticket. Case was closed. Nothing was done about it.
Go on your holiday. Nothing will happen. Turkey will not care.

That has confused me too.

you'll need a MIAM certificate to prove you've at least tried to sort this between yourselves

Does refusal to pay child support and blackmail count as financial abuse?

Thank goodness, a how-to guide. Step one: see family law solicitor.

The seriousness of forging documents or leaving the country without the consent of everyone who has PR is really being minimised in this thread.

If no live with child arrangements order or specific issue order is in place, it is a criminal offence to take a child out of the jurisdiction of the U.K. without consent of all those who hold PR. Without consent, it is considered abduction and would be treated severely by border control should the father report it. The police could then put a block at the airports and OP could be arrested.

It's really not worth it, especially considering it is likely the father would take this course of action judging on what he has said to the OP.

Unfortunately there would be no time to get an application through the court for an SPO by the 4 October.

SIO not SPO 🤦🏻‍♀️

I would just go, no one is going to stop you, l took my kids many times on holiday, different surnames, didn't even occur to to me ask my ex, just took birth certificate.
Is your ex really going to stop you? Will he report you and be at airport to pick up your daughter If she can't go?? She's 14 l think you will be fine.

No, he could just tell the police to issue a Port Alert, claiming that his ex-wife is abducting his daughter. Seriously, I wish people with no awareness of the Hague Convention would refrain from commenting about taking children abroad.

https://www.mediateuk.co.uk/online-miam/ offers a pretty quick turnaround on MIAM certs. Sadly, kicking this deadbeat dad in the nuts so hard that he has hairy eyeballs isn't a lawful option.