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Original poster

Dad won't give consent letter for my daughter as he is bitter

181 replies

KindExpert · 04/09/2024 19:50

Hi I have booked a holiday to Egypt for October 2024 with my daughter who lives with me. And only sees him when her can be bothered in all fairness. I told my ex partner back in January about the trip and he was fine with it. He hasn't been paying child support for over 7 months so I've decided to go down the csa route. He isn't happy about this and out of spite has now decided he won't give a consent letter unless I cancel the csa. I haven't mentioned anything about this to my daughter because I don't want to upset her as she's quite an emotional person and this will affect her. I have her birth certificate. Me and my ex both have custody of her so I feel this will be a issue when traveling. Can anyone help

OP posts:
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6
alseb · 04/09/2024 22:04

You need to see a family solicitor if you think he’s going to try and stop your trip etc. The solicitor can write to him to try and get his consent. If he declines you have to apply to the Court for a specific issue order. This is the Court giving you permission to go. You can then travel as normal (taking the order with you) knowing that you are covered and that he cannot thwart your plans. Have a great trip!!

Starlightstarbright3 · 04/09/2024 22:09

The problem is there is a difference between someone not knowing and someone who is actually been vindictive .

He reports that you are taking the child abroad against his permission then yes it can absolutely be picked up by border police ..

This is why you do need an order . Going through airports are stressful enough - at least you know there won’t be an issue .

MammaMiaPizzeria · 04/09/2024 22:09

I have no helpful comment to make, but I find it so crazy that you need permission to take your 14 year old abroad. She's old enough to fly as an unaccompanied minor with BA and would seemingly only need consent from one parent or guardian for it, so not sure why it's so different when flying with a parent at that age.

Dad won't give consent letter for my daughter as he is bitter
MaidOfAle · 04/09/2024 22:11

If you cancel the CSA claim, he might still report your DD as at risk of abduction to punish you for even trying to go to CSA. With a court order for the holiday and a note on file with the Passport Office, you should be bombproof.

GiRaFfeNeSs · 04/09/2024 22:16

So your daughter does already know there's an issue? In your 1st message you say you don't want to tell her about the potential problem due to her being emotional.

Or have I misunderstood you?

soberholic · 04/09/2024 22:17

I'm disgusted by your daughters 'father' OP.

He's refusing your daughter money (that's all you were asking for to begin with), now he's refusing her a once in a life time holiday?

He's more interested in trying to upset you and make your life difficult than anything about her. Definitely go down the legal route if you can so you can get that much deserved holiday with peace of mind

Imthefairyonthetree · 04/09/2024 22:24

I had this with my ex. He refused and I took them anyway. I got asked one time upon arrival at Edinburgh airport for birth certificates which I had as I expected it anyway. As long as you have marriage/divorce birth certificates you’ll be fine if they do ask.
my ex also called police but he don’t that many times I’d call our local station to tell them I was going away. They still do a check though when you’re back ans may try to call you but honestly nobody really bothered I never for in trouble. I’d maybe call Passover office and ask for no lost/stolen passport instructions to come from anyone but you, and add a password as all the security questions he will know the answers to. Honestly I know all this because I’ve been with someone like this for many years and it’s tiring staying ones step ahead from them. What ever you do don’t stop the csa claim. He is basically using finance to gain control of the situation to his advantage and I’d say to him that this is a form of financial abuse and that you’d be entitled to report his threats to the police. What a twat of a man he sounds just like my ex.

I hope you go away and enjoy your time xx

Imthefairyonthetree · 04/09/2024 22:25

hope my message made sense. A lot of autocorrects.

NotAgainWilson · 04/09/2024 22:27

Isthisreasonable · 04/09/2024 19:57

If you're the resident parent you can take your dc out of the country for 28 days without permission

This.

Original poster
KindExpert · 04/09/2024 22:30

Imthefairyonthetree · 04/09/2024 22:24

I had this with my ex. He refused and I took them anyway. I got asked one time upon arrival at Edinburgh airport for birth certificates which I had as I expected it anyway. As long as you have marriage/divorce birth certificates you’ll be fine if they do ask.
my ex also called police but he don’t that many times I’d call our local station to tell them I was going away. They still do a check though when you’re back ans may try to call you but honestly nobody really bothered I never for in trouble. I’d maybe call Passover office and ask for no lost/stolen passport instructions to come from anyone but you, and add a password as all the security questions he will know the answers to. Honestly I know all this because I’ve been with someone like this for many years and it’s tiring staying ones step ahead from them. What ever you do don’t stop the csa claim. He is basically using finance to gain control of the situation to his advantage and I’d say to him that this is a form of financial abuse and that you’d be entitled to report his threats to the police. What a twat of a man he sounds just like my ex.

I hope you go away and enjoy your time xx

Thank you for your message. I really appreciate it. His an absolute ass.

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 04/09/2024 22:31

KindExpert · 04/09/2024 20:03

Totally. I have everything in text messages regarding him blackmailing me. Even messages from him to my daughter saying get mum to drop the csa if you want to go on holiday. I've kept all the messages.

Show quote history

You think this is bad but it will be nothing when compared to you taking your kid abroad without the father’s permission, as the father is the other responsible parent, because your action is illegal. The father of your dd can make the maximum out of this and rightly so. I can’t fathom why you don’t get the permission sorted out before travelling by getting legal advice and then going to court? Your ex will find out and use your breaking the law against you. An example is if your dd needs medical care in Egypt - when you get back and she needs ongoing care the medical record will say it all. Do discuss your intended action with a legal professional so that you are aware of the consequences.

Original poster
KindExpert · 04/09/2024 22:32

soberholic · 04/09/2024 22:17

I'm disgusted by your daughters 'father' OP.

He's refusing your daughter money (that's all you were asking for to begin with), now he's refusing her a once in a life time holiday?

He's more interested in trying to upset you and make your life difficult than anything about her. Definitely go down the legal route if you can so you can get that much deserved holiday with peace of mind

It is disgusting how he is treating his daughter. Thank you I hope we get to go and we'll have a lovely time.

OP posts:
babyproblems · 04/09/2024 22:33

I would seek legal advice tbh - can you inform the passport office that you will be travelling on XX dates and alert them somehow that he may ring and claim lost passport etc. I would at least ask their advice on this and what sort of thing you could put in place to prevent him from exerting control over her and you in this context. I’d also ask for a court order so you can go on your trip. What a shit he is op. I understand completely why you’ve not told your daughter- what an emotional burden it would be for her to know what a prick he is. Tell her this story when she is older. I hope you go on your trip and have a fabulous time xxx

Exisanob · 04/09/2024 22:34

KindExpert · 04/09/2024 20:15

Will he need her passport number? If so he doesn't have it as I recently just updated her passport so he has no details about it apart from her name

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Only the parent that applied for the passport can cancel it. He can not cancel her passport since you applied for it.

Birdingbear · 04/09/2024 22:35

If you go without a letter of concent from him he can get you arrested for abduction if you leave the country with the child. You're not actually allowed to take your child out the countey without both parents consenting.

OneFastDuck · 04/09/2024 22:35

At 14 she can just go through passport control on her own. I don't think you need to worry about a letter!

MaidOfAle · 04/09/2024 22:36

ButterCrackers · 04/09/2024 22:31

You think this is bad but it will be nothing when compared to you taking your kid abroad without the father’s permission, as the father is the other responsible parent, because your action is illegal. The father of your dd can make the maximum out of this and rightly so. I can’t fathom why you don’t get the permission sorted out before travelling by getting legal advice and then going to court? Your ex will find out and use your breaking the law against you. An example is if your dd needs medical care in Egypt - when you get back and she needs ongoing care the medical record will say it all. Do discuss your intended action with a legal professional so that you are aware of the consequences.

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Yes. International child abduction really isn't something you want to risk being accused of, and it would be seen as that because the UK is a Hague Convention signatory.

Ophy83 · 04/09/2024 22:37

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Unfortunately you need permission of him or the court if he has PR and you don't have a Child Arrangements Order. Ask him if he really wants to put you to the cost of having to apply to court, and say you will be seeking an order that he pays your costs in addition to the permission to go abroad. I think a judge would take a dim view of his threats re maintenance

Get permission to take a child abroad

Permission from parents and courts to take a child on holiday abroad and avoid abduction

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

MaidOfAle · 04/09/2024 22:37

OneFastDuck · 04/09/2024 22:35

At 14 she can just go through passport control on her own. I don't think you need to worry about a letter!

You, and all the other people saying "just go", really need to research the Hague Convention on International Child Abduction.

Birdingbear · 04/09/2024 22:39

Reading through all the comments, many people can take the risk and not get asked for proof etc but I think you're biggest worry is if he would go as far as reporting you for taking them out the country when you're at the airport or once you've left cause then it will make you look bad and things where you'll get arrested on the other side or when you land back. See a lawyer if you're not convinced. But he doesn't sound like the type of person that would rather get one of you and doesn't care that his daughter is missing out.

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/09/2024 22:43

HornyHornersPinger · 04/09/2024 20:36

You don't need anyone's consent as long as the trip isn't longer than 28 days

No. Only if you have a court order in place.

Blueroses99 · 04/09/2024 22:45

I was asked to show a letter of consent to the airline to travel with my DD, and also email a copy to the airline, before we could check in. There were signs all over the check in queue. I had a copy of the consent letter already but my DH was with us, seeing us off but not travelling, and they still enforced it. This was Air India. I’d always carry a consent letter if traveling with DD alone, though I appreciate it isn’t as easy if you’re not on good terms with the other parent.

Original poster
KindExpert · 04/09/2024 22:46

Birdingbear · 04/09/2024 22:39

Reading through all the comments, many people can take the risk and not get asked for proof etc but I think you're biggest worry is if he would go as far as reporting you for taking them out the country when you're at the airport or once you've left cause then it will make you look bad and things where you'll get arrested on the other side or when you land back. See a lawyer if you're not convinced. But he doesn't sound like the type of person that would rather get one of you and doesn't care that his daughter is missing out.

I understand. I know I need to speak to a solicitor asap and get something put in place. Tbf he isn't all clued up as his only been communicating to me through text. So I have all the proof of him months ago agreeing to write a letter and up until last week saying his not giving consent unless I drop CSA. Along with messages to our daughter saying ask mum to drop CSA otherwise you can't go on holiday.

OP posts:
MaidOfAle · 04/09/2024 22:47

To all the people saying "just go": all this prince amongst men has to do is request a Port Alert the day before OP and DD are due to fly and that holiday isn't happening.

MaidOfAle · 04/09/2024 22:50

KindExpert · 04/09/2024 22:46

I understand. I know I need to speak to a solicitor asap and get something put in place. Tbf he isn't all clued up as his only been communicating to me through text. So I have all the proof of him months ago agreeing to write a letter and up until last week saying his not giving consent unless I drop CSA. Along with messages to our daughter saying ask mum to drop CSA otherwise you can't go on holiday.

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When you go to court, take your DD's phone, because I suspect that his involvement of her constitutes child abuse.

In your position, I'd try to get his custody revoked. Whether that's possible is another matter.