How do you choose holidays with your partner?

[PaperDoves]

DH and I are both from abroad (living in the UK for 15 years). We have travelled together so much in that time but I've just realised all of that travelling has been for a reason - either we're going home to see family or tagging along on work trips. We have not once booked a family holiday for the sheer fun of it in our 16 years together. Until now.

I suggested a last minute trip to somewhere warm after Christmas before the kids go back to school. He says great. I look and there's nowhere properly and reliably warm within short haul distance. I suggest going somewhere with snow instead, like Switzerland. He starts moaning about coach tours to the mountains and how boring it will be. I suggest the north of Sweden to go dog sledding and see the northern lights. He doesn't like that either, he wants a city and museums. He then suggests Iceland. Seems a good compromise but somehow he then circles round again to Christmas markets in Europe and I ask what was wrong with Switzerland again? He gets huffy.

I'm just irritated at this point. Obviously a lot of it is caused by the last minuteness of the trip, but we've never done this before, which is already weird, and we're bickering like school children.

Do other couples magically agree on where to go? Do you take turns choosing destinations? Or is one of you the chooser and the other is just happy to go along? Most importantly, how do you resolve disagreements? Slightly worried we're going to end up staying home at this point!

My parents always took us on the same holiday every year (sometimes twice!) and we all loved it immensely. So they never discussed where to go, we all just knew.

My DH leaves me to it, i come up with a shortlist and have a pros and cons discussion then procrastinate for a few weeks then generally end up picking something else...

I hate the deciding stage.

I relate to that so much! Not with holidays but with pretty much everything else in life...

I decide, then tell my DH where we are going and why. Then I book it.

I’ve just booked 2025

Argh, @Applesaarenttheonlyfruit way to rub it in my face 😂

We are basically the definition of that internet meme, where I do all the research, planning, booking and organising and DH turns up at the airport passport in hand, wondering where we're going.

Ok that's an exaggeration, there's a bit of discussion goes on and we make the final decision together but I do the research and planning, because I love it. Decision is usually based on a combination of price, ease of travel and what we want from the trip; sometimes it's city break, sometimes adventure, sometimes it's flop on a lounger and read.

We agree a budget, I present him with a selection (all of which I like) I suggest my preferred choice from the selection, he agrees, off we go!

I just tell him what we are doing. I do all holiday planning and just run it by him before I book but he's happy to leave me to it.

I book it, then tell him. Occasionally he’s booked on his own, city breaks or U.K breaks. He’s busier than me. He does moan about flight times though- so that limits us, unless it’s a two week holiday. I only like to go for a week, but need less sleep.

Same here although I do make dh sort out the car hire so that he's responsible for some thing.

Op generally I decide, tell dh and then book. 99.9% he agrees with me.

I get too emotional about a trip/place. I start sending him links to that place. He gets bored of me. I find affordable flights and he says yes that’s alright. I buy flights :)

basically I don’t ask for opinion 😂

We're pretty similar in what we like and have a big list of places we want to visit. So we'll discuss where we want to go, narrow it down and see what works with transport and costs. But he's never said no to anywhere even when I took him to Rhyl for a weekend.

We go on holiday four times a year.. I know, I know

As long as he gets to Las Vegas every November (he partakes in a particular hobby) then I get full control over the other three including the main family one which is normally the expensive one with two DC who are used to bloody on-site water parks

I send him links to let him feel involved but really I've already extensively researched the life out of them (I love it) and therefore he generally just nods and turns up at the airport

He's a good egg

Hb wants package holiday but can't be arsed booking anything ever. I work part time but fwiw also booked when worked ft and longer hours than him.

i book lovely family holiday with masses of forethought in country which I like And we all have lovely time

If he wants to do something I suggest you let him book

We have vague conversations about US road trips or going to Japan for the cherry blossom festival when our nephew is studying there, and end up booking a flight at 8 o’clock on Sunday night and flying somewhere the next morning. Spontaneous, us. Or last-minute.

We do also go away separately. I like a lot more art museums in my holidays than he does. He claims Florence was exhausting.

And you book next time or vice versa

We like to go to a new country every year. We narrow it down to places we can fly direct to from the nearest airport. Then we do a quick hotel search and rule out places that are too expensive. Then we choose the destination that looks the most interesting and pick a hotel. (Then we have a crisis of confidence, doubt whether we even want to go anywhere at all, leave it for a week and then end up booking it anyway when the prices have gone up).

yeah, sorry about that 😂. He is very agreeable on these matters, but we are quite aligned on what we like do so it’s not really a debate. I’d get pissed off too. You sound like the person that compromised so let him do the booking.

I did that for the first 3 years of marriage, then I did the same as @Applesaarenttheonlyfruit
DH has booked 2 holidays and both were really awful.

@PaperDoves I think you would be far better off not doing last minute. This has put pressure on you. So plan. Easter might be a better bet and it opens up lots of possibilities.

Write down what you both like. We like wildlife. Like eating out and world class museums. I hate excessive heat. We love natural wonders and cultural activities. What do you really want? You have suggested a lot of colder places but if you went somewhere at Easter, so many other options come into play with museums and cities.

Tell us what you like, and we can come up with suggestions to suit you both. Some compromise is usually needed though.

DH usually chooses but it's always somewhere he knows our children and I will like.

Spain is beautiful at Christmas time and I would love to go to Lapland one day. I haven't been anywhere else interesting during that time but hope that gives you both some ideas.

I normally decide and plan but its based on what we all like and would work for us all - initially DH decided he was going to do it himself sometimes but when he did he disliked what he chose😂so then it went back to me choosing.

In your case you seem to have a requirement of shorthaul and yes that will restrict options on heat a lot if last minute so snow seems to make sense and you seem to have agreed on that. I would do more research on the ideas like Switzerland why does that need to involve a coach 🤔and also Lapland you could stop over first in say Helsinki if doing Finnish Lapland or Stockholm if doing Swedish. Then just book it. Or try to find similar things in the location. Austria could also work, fly into say Innsbruck then car hire to somewhere with snow like Hintertux with its glacier. Lots of trains in Switzerland if he likes trains. We loved Finnish Lapland with husky and reindeer sledging, snowmobiles etc but remember very limited daylight hours so key is to plan and research well. What I would avoid is rainy, cold places.

The only time we’ve ever booked anything expensive last minute was when we were waiting to know whether we were free or not (family stuff) and had already discussed the sort of thing we wanted to do.

We’re really not the sort of people who do spontaneous, so all the negotiations can be done without time pressure. Normally he sends me links and I say ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘I need to research this’. I do say ‘no’ to quite a lot as he leans to the idealistic whereas I’m fussy when we’re spending a lot of money.

The Canary Islands are warm in December.

Thanks everyone for replying, lots of helpful ideas! I completely agree the problem is largely because it was a last minute idea, and I think for DH he was thrown a curveball when I swapped from heat to snow and it took him a second to mentally catch up again. If I had booked the canaries as originally planned he would have been fine and happily shown up at the airport, passport in hand!

Is it genuinely warm in the canaries in late December/early Jan? Average temps were around 18-20 and I wanted guaranteed time by the pool.

Basically the original idea was basking in the sun, doing little to nothing. And now we're considering an active winter outdoors trip instead, which is the complete opposite. I'm not surprised DH was taken aback when I suggested sleeping in an ice hotel.

We're both actually very easy to please on destinations. I'm much pickier than DH on hotels (he'd swap 5 star for a hostel if it meant saving five quid). So I think the main problem is trying to sort something at the last second, and actually we'll both be happy with whatever we decide (as long as I can pick the hotel).

Yes to booking in advance - I'm now inspired to make a bucket list and start working through it, and booking well in advance. Less stress but also gives us something to always look forward to! We'll save the canaries for easter.

@PaperDoves I do think that’s more sensible. You would find Easter prices in the Caribbean better than winter too. So many lovely places to choose from. It is also possible to fly to Cape Town overnight and there’s not much time difference. You might have an issue with finding the best places to stay at last minute, but it’s warm! High season though. It’s SA school summer holidays. Maybe somewhere for the future?