Am I abandoning my children by going away?

[TravelBugMum]

Hi. I have just resigned from my job of 20 years and finally have an opportunity to fulfil my desire to travel.
My children are both now settled in secondary school, years 7 & 8, ages 11 and 13.
I want to travel by myself for 2 months (9 weeks) as you can't take this amount of time off while you are working.
My husband of 14 years will be at home with the kids. But he is not happy & says I will be "psychologically damaging them for the rest of their lives if I go away for 9 weeks and abandoning them" . He is just about OK with 4 weeks away, but I don't feel this is long enough for Australia and New Zealand ( which he has no desire to visit.). We are working on a compromise...
What is the risk of me hurting my children by doing this?
i have talked to them both to explain why i want to go, but understand it is difficult for them to be honest with me. They dont want to upset me by telling me not to go.
Has any other mum done this?
Am I being " selfish and not a good mum" by wanting to go?
How can I reduce the risk of my children feeling abandoned ?
Please help.

Why are posters constantly posting that they would miss their children like some sort of weird motherhood competition? It's really irrelevant what you would do. Different people have different preferences.

I have certain pursuits that are not child-friendly, and I have been pursuing them since my DC were a year old. Not for 9 weeks, but definitely for two weeks at a time. I missed them, but I didn;t miss them terribly. Definitely wouldn't have wanted to wait till they were 18! Other people can do what they want. I don;t judge them. Would be nice if they didn't judge me for wanting to do solo travel.

What men do you know who are frequently away for 9 weeks?!? No wonder you’re bitter!

Christ is your brain so tiny you can’t comprehend the difference between an evening or weekend doing something and 9 weeks?

If you want to travel I'd go in the summer holidays and take them with me for 6 weeks. If DH doesn't want to go leave him at home. If you just want 9 weeks without having to parent yabu.

@notahappybunny7

i think the 9 weeks is fine as do plenty of other posters 🤷‍♀️

@caringcarer

what will she do about work?

Take all her holiday at once.

@notahappybunny7 "What men do you know who are frequently away for 9 weeks?!? No wonder you’re bitter!"

People on deployment. People on oil rigs. People who work on projects overseas. Bitter about what?🤔

Also, are people's brains so small that they can't comprehend the difference between "travelling alone" and "travelling with two teenagers"?

So not people on holiday then? Do you need me to explain the difference between holidays and work?

@notahappybunny7 So not people on holiday then? Do you need me to explain the difference between holidays and work?"

No. But I do need you to explain why 9 weeks is longer for a holiday than it is for work.

@EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon

Young children? They're 11 and 13.

Yes, young, though I appreciate that lots of people on MN think that children should be playing out at 3 and doing the cleaning at 5.

Mum is needed just as much as ever at those ages, I’d argue even more at 13. 16 and 18, yes, maybe skip off for a couple of months, they’ll probably not notice, depending on their personalities. 11 and 13, no.

Work is necessary, holidays are not. Children will pick up on that even if you can’t.

😬
No.

Wondering if @peenaction is Irish as they call their parents Mummy and Daddy, it’s not shortened to mum and dad.
All relatives etc in Ireland do and friends in Northern Ireland also.

You know what, @notahappybunny7 I hope that my children at that age would have enough comprehension and maturity to understand that this is a one off something their mum really wants to do, and be part of making it happen for her. But each to their own. Personally, I think empathy and generosity are much under rated traits.

I think 11 is far too young to expect them to feel happy their mother is going away for over two months....in fact, I'd be pretty worried and wonder about the nature of the relationship if a child was absolutely fine with this.

I said earlier upthread but yes this can happen. My family member is in therapy for PTSD and BPD triggered by her mother not being around for 6 weeks when she was 13. Obviously this doesn't happen in all cases but absolutely can happen.

Yes, young, though I appreciate that lots of people on MN think that children should be playing out at 3 and doing the cleaning at 5.

There's no need to exaggerate. I still maintain not many people would view an 11-year-old and a 13-year-old as young children, assuming no SEN or similar factors.

How would you feel if your husband was going away for 9 weeks. I think it is far too long to leave your family...and that includes your husband.

I couldn’t imagine going on a trip of a lifetime and not including the family I live with.

I can assure you it did me absolutely no good. Or our relationship. I moved abroad permanently at 18 and felt completely justified in doing so.

Maybe the mother needs to have the maturity to understand that her children really need her at her age.

I can confirm that yes, I have had therapy about my relationship with my mother. I still don’t understand why she left then, and never will.