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Original poster

I'm taking my children on holiday with different surname

137 replies

C12 · 29/05/2023 14:47

I'm a mum taking my 2 daughters on holiday in summer holiday. They have their dad's surname and he's on their birth certificate however has nothing to with them and hasn't for 6 years. What actually happens if they ask for proof of permission from father and I don't have it? We have been abroad before but never asked for anything however I never realised was supposed to have permission

OP posts:
Pleasegotobed · 02/06/2023 01:11

We got asked for birth certs coming back into uk but not asked for letter of permission. But bcs wouldn’t help as I have my married surname on them! 🤷🏻‍♀️

The guy was really aggressive about it and accused me of “looking like I wasn’t listening” when I momentarily broke eye contact to put my hand on my dc who was crying at 4 am and a 5 hr delay. Insanity tbh.

I don’t really understand why they’d ask British passport holders on the way back in?! Why would I bring my kids back in if there was anything dodgy going on and what are they going to do anyway?! “No sorry - you can’t come in?!” Surely the time to stop people is on the way out! Make it make sense 🤣

ADHDMummy2023 · 02/06/2023 01:44

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granof8 · 02/06/2023 01:48

It is very common to be asked in North America. The reason is to stop parental abduction. Without a letter immigration have no way to tell if it is a genuine vacation or not. You can have a permission letter or a document stating that you have sole custody or, in my case, a copy of my husbands death certificate together with the children's birth certificates

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 02/06/2023 05:11

Pleasegotobed · 02/06/2023 01:11

We got asked for birth certs coming back into uk but not asked for letter of permission. But bcs wouldn’t help as I have my married surname on them! 🤷🏻‍♀️

The guy was really aggressive about it and accused me of “looking like I wasn’t listening” when I momentarily broke eye contact to put my hand on my dc who was crying at 4 am and a 5 hr delay. Insanity tbh.

I don’t really understand why they’d ask British passport holders on the way back in?! Why would I bring my kids back in if there was anything dodgy going on and what are they going to do anyway?! “No sorry - you can’t come in?!” Surely the time to stop people is on the way out! Make it make sense 🤣

A British passport doesn’t mean that you live in Britain.

garlictwist · 02/06/2023 05:39

I take my nieces abroad every year who have a different surname to me and to whom I'm not the parent. No one has ever batted an eyelid or asked me to prove anything.

marcopront · 02/06/2023 07:45

garlictwist · 02/06/2023 05:39

I take my nieces abroad every year who have a different surname to me and to whom I'm not the parent. No one has ever batted an eyelid or asked me to prove anything.

Just because no has asked you doesn't mean it doesn't happen or won't happen to you in the future.

FfeminyddCymraeg · 02/06/2023 07:47

Haven’t RTFT but the only place we’ve travelled to and been challenged is Portugal (several times).

My DM took DD recently and I had to write a letter of authority with our passport details at 4am and send a pic of it 🙈

PostOpOp · 02/06/2023 08:47

I've been asked when leaving and entering Amsterdam airport.

Loads of countries don't have mothers changing surname in marriage so it's actually really common for names to be different.

SourDoughToast · 02/06/2023 08:51

I got stopped entering the USA with DD12 who has her dads surname. I showed them her birth certificate and a letter from her dad. They also asked DD some questions about where dad was and why he wasn't travelling today.

I've also been stopped taking a teen friend of the DCs out of France - I had a letter from her parents giving permission and they called both parents to check.

gingermary · 02/06/2023 13:49

The best thing to do is to check requirements of the country you are traveling to and from.We live in South Africa and it is a legal requirement for all minors to travel with their passport and birth certificate when with both parents and additionally a letter of consent with only one parent. And if applicable any relevant court documents. The airline will not let you board without checking the documents. It's a pain having an extra thing to remember but at least it's a clear rule.

TheaBrandt · 02/06/2023 13:54

IT’s very different post brexit. We got quizzed both in and out recently at the ferry port we are a bog standard family of 4 all with same name

marcopront · 02/06/2023 17:33

gingermary · 02/06/2023 13:49

The best thing to do is to check requirements of the country you are traveling to and from.We live in South Africa and it is a legal requirement for all minors to travel with their passport and birth certificate when with both parents and additionally a letter of consent with only one parent. And if applicable any relevant court documents. The airline will not let you board without checking the documents. It's a pain having an extra thing to remember but at least it's a clear rule.

It doesn't apply to people who aren't South African or don't live them.

Boating123 · 02/06/2023 17:39

I have been on holiday abroad a few times with my children who don't have my surname. A couple of times the person on border control has asked my DS and DD who I was. They told him/her and we carried on through. No big deal.
However, I think I will photograph their birth certificates, just in case it's an issue next time. It wouldn't do any harm having a photograph of their birth certificates on your phone.

Don't worry about it. I hope you have a lovely holiday.

MrsS2009 · 02/06/2023 17:47

Same issue here, my daughter was questioned at Gatwick coming back from Spain and I was asked a further 3 times on arrival, he has PR as on birth certificate and then i decided I was going to complain as I’ve not been asked once leaving the country which to me makes no sense as that’s the more likely scenario.

She travelled with her father same surname and wasn’t questioned or stopped.

photographs or copies are no good you must carry the original documents or they won’t be accepted, I had changed my name so I brought all the documents

Discoverysnakes · 03/06/2023 13:14

Yes it can’t be a photograph or regular photocopy but can be a certified copy of the birth certificate ( which you apply for - there is a small cost unfortunately).

TUCKINGFYP0 · 03/06/2023 15:50

I find this fascinating because I’ve been on about 20 flights with my children ( all in Europe ) over the last couple of years and I’ve never been asked. They are teens though so maybe they only care about much younger children.

I was never asked when they were primary school age either. But maybe the rules are stricter now.

I have a different surname but my surname name is also their middle name, so it’s on their passport ( but not necessarily their plane ticket ). I don’t know if that makes a difference.

Flowersun6 · 03/06/2023 18:47

TUCKINGFYP0 · 03/06/2023 15:50

I find this fascinating because I’ve been on about 20 flights with my children ( all in Europe ) over the last couple of years and I’ve never been asked. They are teens though so maybe they only care about much younger children.

I was never asked when they were primary school age either. But maybe the rules are stricter now.

I have a different surname but my surname name is also their middle name, so it’s on their passport ( but not necessarily their plane ticket ). I don’t know if that makes a difference.

I'm the same my surname is DS middle name. Do you look like your kids? Things definitely are stricter and you've been lucky indeed.

TUCKINGFYP0 · 04/06/2023 17:28

I’ve travelled with one that looks NOTHING like me on 10 flights in the last year and no one has said anything. He’s a head taller than me though so maybe they reckon I’m unlikely to be abducting him against his will 😆😁

I used to travel more with another child who does look EXACTLY like me, when he was younger, about 12 - 14. Again never asked anything.

The only family I knows who were stopped was a white European dad with his 11 year old Asian daughter ( she is his biological child but looked exactly like her mum and nothing like her dad). The father and daughter were separated and she was asked detailed questions . Not just “ is this your dad ? “ but things like where she went to school, the names of her teachers, how she travelled to school.

In fairness the dad understands why he was stopped , because she looks about 15. They have the same surname though and the Dd was born in the UK and has always lived here. maybe they thought the Dd had a fake passport and he was smuggling in an “ internet bride “.

So yes I think that not looking like your child seems to make it more likely that you will get stopped. Or flying to / from certain counties. Who knows ?

HicLocusEst · 04/06/2023 18:15

TUCKINGFYP0 · 04/06/2023 17:28

I’ve travelled with one that looks NOTHING like me on 10 flights in the last year and no one has said anything. He’s a head taller than me though so maybe they reckon I’m unlikely to be abducting him against his will 😆😁

I used to travel more with another child who does look EXACTLY like me, when he was younger, about 12 - 14. Again never asked anything.

The only family I knows who were stopped was a white European dad with his 11 year old Asian daughter ( she is his biological child but looked exactly like her mum and nothing like her dad). The father and daughter were separated and she was asked detailed questions . Not just “ is this your dad ? “ but things like where she went to school, the names of her teachers, how she travelled to school.

In fairness the dad understands why he was stopped , because she looks about 15. They have the same surname though and the Dd was born in the UK and has always lived here. maybe they thought the Dd had a fake passport and he was smuggling in an “ internet bride “.

So yes I think that not looking like your child seems to make it more likely that you will get stopped. Or flying to / from certain counties. Who knows ?

Lone male travelling with female child who looks nothing like him and looks Asian is never going to not be stopped. Lone male with child full stop is more likely to be stopped than not.

Pleasegotobed · 12/06/2023 00:37

It was pretty obvious from our visas and travel docs that we’d been on a weeks holiday!

And basically the guy fairly rudely said - you should carry bcs (wouldn’t help - married name on bc!) and let us through. He said to me - what do you think i should do? I said “you could speak to the dc” he said “that is not funny!” (I had said it straight forwardly not in a sarky way) i actually thought that talking to kids was a fairly common thing to happen - they’re not young kids (all over 10). What can they actually do in this circumstance?

HicLocusEst · 12/06/2023 06:00

You could have been detained at the airport until you provided the relevant documents (see govt link above) You could have been flagged for the future, noted as someone travelling with minors and no consent who behaved suspiciously when asked for documents.
The surname thing has been explained. It's irrelevant to why you have been questioned. Nobody cares whether the person travelling with the minor is married. Nobody cares if the person travelling with the child is its parent. The only thing that "they" are interested in is if the person travelling with the minor has permission from the other parent/both parents to take the child across a border.

Picoloangel · 20/12/2023 17:20

@Glwysen

Were you asked for a letter in US? Taking DD (13) to NY and wondering if I need a letter from DP who has the same name as DD (different from mine). I was thinking of getting a letter notarised and taking birth cert as belt and braces!

terraced · 20/12/2023 17:27

I've been asked for my sons birth certificate but never a letter of permission

Flowersun6 · 20/12/2023 17:37

@HicLocusEst in my own experience (twice) the issue has been coming back from holiday (Manchester). I now always try to carry a birth certificate for my Son.

QueenCarrot · 20/12/2023 17:59

olympicsrock · 29/05/2023 15:04

It will be fine . I have the same issue. You don’t need permission from the father. Takes their birth certificate.

Were you married when they were born? If not he does not have automatic parental responsibility.

This is incorrect. You need permission from everybody with parental responsibility (or permission from the Courts) If he is named on the birth certificate he automatically has PR. The only exception to this is if you have a child arrangement order stating that the child should live with you in which case you can take them abroad for up to 28 days. Strictly speaking taking a child abroad without the requisite permission is child abduction.

In reality you may well not be asked, particularly if the children are of an age to confirm that you are their parent and that they live with you.

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