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Original poster

Grandson was lost

151 replies

Thistlelass · 16/08/2022 00:44

Just returned from a family holiday abroad which included 3 grandparents. Two children in the party, currently age 5 and 6. My son is the father and was with his wife. I have marked mental illness and do experience ongoing anxiety.

So one evening we were all enroute to the children's entertainment area. The Hotel was a large one and there was also entertainment going on in the grounds that night, including fireworks.
Let's cut a long story short. The 5 year old boy went missing. Now this was not for long but the what ifs just horrify me.
So I wonder what the views of other parents might be.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 16/08/2022 02:53

Er, yes it's momentarily scary?

Not sure what other views one can have without further information.

Was the person or persons responsible for the 5 year old boy gazing at their phones, ignoring said child, larking about in a carefree and irresponsible manner when the boy snuck off and got lost near the lions cage, whereupon he began to poke said lion with a stick with a horses head handle?

Or did he just sneak off for a moment the way 5 year old boys are wont to do, despite everyone paying as much attention as possible, distracted by a shiny thing, just at the same moment someone said 'ooh look at that' and pointed in the other direction..... and then you looked and realised he wasn't there and everyone said 'OH SHIT... OH NO...' and then turned around and there he was just over there by the door?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/08/2022 02:57

I rescued a toddler at Disneyland who was lost. And some lovely person grabbed DD on holiday at around the same age.

Thank goodness people are mostly lovely.

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 16/08/2022 03:00

I once found my 5 year old on a ski slope when I was heavily pregnant as his instructor hadn’t realized he was there. Shit happens. Make noise and then move on.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 16/08/2022 03:02

I don’t understand what you’re asking here? It is hard to understand how a child could get lost when with 5 adults, did everybody think somebody else was watching the kids?

Thee things do happen though, kids can wander off or get distracted and get left behind. It sounds like it was only for a short time so hopefully not too worrying for everyone. Probably the lesson is that in future the group need to be clearer about who is responsible for the children so that everybody isn’t just assuming one of the other adults will be watching them.

Adelaide66 · 16/08/2022 03:04

Please stop overthinking x

MsTSwift · 16/08/2022 03:11

Pretty much every parent has an incident like this . It’s dreadful and heart stopping. What do you want to do about it after the event? Nobodies perfect 100% of the time bet the adults feel bad enough as it is and it was fine in the end. The normal response is relieved sympathy for the parents.

Christinatheastonishing · 16/08/2022 03:15

Fireworks and crowds can be disorienting. I somehow managed to lose my child during a display, when I had literally been standing behind him with my hands on his shoulders. The crowd started moving and he was swept into it.

The fact that your grandson got away from 5 adults unnoticed shows how easily it can happen. It's not clear from your post if you're seeking to apportion blame, but you really shouldn't.

JumpTheGun · 16/08/2022 03:22

It is hard to understand how a child could get lost when with 5 adults, did everybody think somebody else was watching the kids?

They always say this is one of the risk factors for kids drowning in pools - lots of adults can be worse than one as everyone may take their attention away at the same time thinking someone else has it covered.

We recently did something similar to when David Cameron left one of their kids in a pub - it was a bit hectic, multiple adults and we each thought one of the DC was with one of the other adults. It was quite mortifying when someone came over to me and said “have you lost a little boy” and my first reaction was a casual “ no” followed by “oh THAT little boy, yes, he’s mine”. 😳

DancingBeanstalk · 16/08/2022 03:23

I suspect what happened here is that either you or your son were blamed for the child not being watched correctly and going missing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/08/2022 03:23

lots of adults can be worse than one

That's a rule for many emergency situations.

Fadeout83 · 16/08/2022 04:14

My then 3 year old went missing at a playground once. It was a kids nature playground within a large park and it wasn’t fenced. There one minute, couldn’t see him the next. Ran around screaming his name, heart pounding and adrenaline cursing through me. Will never forget that horror. Little monkey was sitting quietly on a swing watching mum and dad run around yelling for him. We were so panicked we didn’t stop to carefully assess the surroundings. Another mum had to step in and point at him. I could have kissed her.

Original poster
Thistlelass · 16/08/2022 05:06

Sorry if I was vague. I guess I just wondered about how people think this could happen. My own perspective is it should have been agreed at start of evening which adult/should were focusing on which child. The parents I think were in relaxed mode as were us grandparents.

OP posts:
steff13 · 16/08/2022 05:19

The people who were there are probably in a better position to understand explain how it happened. The child was found, that's what matters. You'll all be more careful next time.

PlantFaced · 16/08/2022 05:21

Thistlelass · 16/08/2022 05:06

Sorry if I was vague. I guess I just wondered about how people think this could happen. My own perspective is it should have been agreed at start of evening which adult/should were focusing on which child. The parents I think were in relaxed mode as were us grandparents.

As the parents, we were always the ones to watch our children unless we were not with them and they were in family/friends care. It’s the default that parents are the ones to watch their kids unless someone else has said they’ll watch them, but even then to be honest, we would still be watching them if we were there.

In this case it seems that everyone thought someone else was watching them? I don’t understand why a parent would presume that. However, the child is ok, hopefully in future no one will presume others are watching. I’ve always been very careful and still had a couple of scares when I really did look away for a few seconds and they seemed to have disappeared. It’s a horrible feeling of utter panic. Definitely learn from it, do things differently next time, but don’t dwell on it. The child is thankfully absolutely fine.

Longdistance · 16/08/2022 05:49

I was driving on a busy road a few weeks ago. A lad of about 2 was walking along it in his own. I stopped my car, got out and talked to him. He had a ball on his hand and he kept dropping it. I could see it heading towards the road. I ran up to ask him where his house was, all he wanted to do is play ball with me (little sweetheart). Dad came running out in a panic and picked him up.
The road is meant to be a 30, but everyone speeds on it, except me who can spot a toddler on his own.
What I’m saying is, it only takes a second to look away and they’re off.

spiderontheceiling · 16/08/2022 06:05

I think it's quite easy to briefly lose a child on holiday. Everyone's a bit more relaxed, there are interesting and different things going on for the children and there can just be simple misunderstandings about what you mean by "that door over there" or something like that.
The "what ifs" are that in 99.9% of cases the child is reunited with the parents within a few minutes, sometimes with the parents having been oblivious to the incident, sometimes after a few moments of frantic running around by the parents and, maybe, others and on other occasions by someone else spotting the child and intervening.
We've mislaid each of our children briefly on occasion and also intervened when we've spotted AWOL children. What we've learned is that, even if we have other responsible adults with us, DH and I agree which of us have prime responsibility for the DC when - and that the task can be made harder my grandparents or others intervening.

PuttingDownRoots · 16/08/2022 06:06

When I lost my toddler it was a case of too many adults.
I thought she was upstairs with her grandmother, getting ready for a walk
MIL thought she was downstairs with me, I was gettingvthe baby ready
DH and FIL thought she was home with us
Instead she has managed to follow them out of the garden gate and was discovered by them on the golf course 10mins later... followed by the sight of me running after her barefooted because we had realised what she had done.

Agreed roles, especially in busy places and near water, and make sure doors are secure. It only takes a few seconds.

Zonder · 16/08/2022 06:09

My own perspective is it should have been agreed at start of evening which adult/should were focusing on which child.

I can't imagine a situation where one parent or grandparent is nominated out of 5 for an evening all out together to child-watch. Surely all 5 would just keep an eye out?

PurplePansy05 · 16/08/2022 06:17

I disagree, OP. The ultimate responsibility is always with the parents if they are with their child IMO. Either way, even if it was agreed that person A was responsible for looking after the child that evening, parent or not, the child could have gone missing anyway. On a separate note, surely all adults should have paid responsibility anyway, they are your children/grandchildren. Unfortunately even with the best intentions, incidents happen. I don't think this thread will help you, I have anxiety and this is a nightmare scenario for me, but what you're doing won't help.

Cognacsoft · 16/08/2022 06:17

Thistlelass · 16/08/2022 05:06

Sorry if I was vague. I guess I just wondered about how people think this could happen. My own perspective is it should have been agreed at start of evening which adult/should were focusing on which child. The parents I think were in relaxed mode as were us grandparents.

That’s exactly it OP.
We always make one person responsible for our dgs and it works well for us.
None of this I thought you were watching him.
Name a person and they have to properly communicate if they want another person to take over, especially around swimming pools.

Northernparent68 · 16/08/2022 06:22

So you want us to criticise your son or daughter in law ? I doubt anyone will do that, particularly as you were there as well. It’s also odd you refer to your grandson as the 5 year old boy.

spiderontheceiling · 16/08/2022 06:22

Just to add that when I say that the task can be made harder by a grandparent intervening, I mean the scenario we had on holiday years ago when DC1 was about three. We'd had a discussions about who wanted an issue and it was just one GP and DC1. The ice cream place was literally across the (thankfully quiet) road from where we were. GP says "come on then, let's go and get an ice cream" and sets of with DC1 toddling along with them. GP strides into and across the road with DC1 now trailing a few feet behind and I suddenly realise that GP is oblivious to the fact that we'd presumed they'd take responsibility for DC1. DH had also realised this and was already getting to his feet and racing after them.

saleorbouy · 16/08/2022 06:26

Our children have strict instructions of what to do if they loose sight of us in busy places. They also will have our phone numbers on a card if we go to a large gathering like a festival or show.
It's important to let them know they shouldn't panic and what to do. In your case I would show them the reception, and how to identify hotel staff and get them to memorise the room number.

DiscoBadgers · 16/08/2022 06:33

It’s a bit different for us as our DS, who is 5, has significant SEN, so we have to watch him like a hawk 24/7, but with a neurotypical child I think it could happen all too easily - it’s something that happens to literally everyone with a small child, pretty much.

We always take a photo of DS at the start of any kind of outing so that if he were to wander off we have a photo of exactly what he’s wearing etc. And a really good piece of advice is if you do lose a child, don’t just shout your name, shout their description so that other people can look too. EG “Have you seen Alice? She’s 4, blonde, purple dinosaur dress” because then everyone in earshot is looking for a blonde 4 year old in a dinosaur dress.

Lastly, and most importantly, teach your child what to do if they are lost. I found a lost little girl of about 6 or 7 at a very busy tourist attraction when DS was a baby and it was a total bitch to find her family because all she would do was hysterically scream “MUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!” over and over again, ignoring questions of “what’s your mum’s name?” “What is your mum wearing?” “Where did you last see her etc” that would have helped us actually find her. We taught our nieces and nephews that you find a member of staff, the police, or you ask a mum with children for help, and if you realise you are lost you never, NEVER leave the place you’re at.

StoppinBy · 16/08/2022 06:34

I have to say, this kind of thing is why II never relax and trust others in a group situation with my kids, it's very common to assume that everyone is watching the kids when no one actually is at all.

That being said, it happened, no harm was done and I am sure that it wont happen similarly again.