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Original poster

Now worried about holiday, as intending to leave Dc's in room while we eat...

357 replies

OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 07/05/2007 16:20

we're going to villa Pia (as recommende on MN) where children eat early and then go to bed and parents eat later all together.

This seemed a great idea to me before.

but now obviously with tragic and frightening abduction of Madeleine, it's playing on my mind and feel we cannot do this.

Are any others having such dilemmas? what should we think/do??

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 10/05/2007 10:54

The restaurant was a different building.

Original poster
OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 10/05/2007 10:55

TBH though it is not those who say I wouldn't do this that I objesct to. That is all fair enough individual choice.

It is the insisdious suggestions that they didn't really love their children as much as those who wouldn't do this.

AS I said we each assess risk individually, make our own decsions and have our own particualr fears.

Some are more realxed on certain issues it doe not make their children less precious to them. It is that type of language I find utterly repellent.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 10/05/2007 10:56

outraged im really sorry but their restaurant WAS equivalent to going to to pub across the road - completely seperate buildings, a few minutes walk, past a swimming pool...
and right beside their ground floor apartment was a public road and footpath
not equivalent to the children being upstairs in their room asleep while you sat in garden of private villa at all

portonovo · 10/05/2007 10:57

I don't think it's a question of being judgemental. We can all feel compassion for that family and pray that that little girl is found safe and well, but it doesn't mean we can't or indeed shouldn't ask questions.

I don't believe everything I read/hear on the news, but reports have consistently said the apartment was about 200 yards from the restaurant. Certainly, the photos published showing both buildings would appear to bear that out.

If that is indeed the case (and apologies if it isn't), it is exactly like me tucking my children in bed, leaving the house and walking 25, 50, 100 or 200 yards down the street to have dinner with a friend, or a drink in my local.

People who have been to that same site say some of the apartments are 15 mins' walk from the restaurant, but that parents staying in even the further ones are often quite happy to leave their children and do the regular checking on them thing.

Well I'm sorry, but I do think that's irresponsible and negligent. Yes, we all take calculated risks in life, but they have to be reasonable and responsible. Some woman on breakfast TV yesterday was equating it to leaving a 12 year old at home alone. Well, it really isn't in the same league. I let my 12 year old walk to school alone and yes, it's still a risk, but it's not the same as letting my hypothetical 5 year old do the same.

But that doesn't mean I don't wish those particular parents get the news they so desperately want. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone.

paulaplumpbottom · 10/05/2007 10:59

I wouldn't leave them alone. Its a family holiday have dinner with them. Most places also offer babysitters

Original poster
OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 10/05/2007 10:59

Well, where I am going Villa Pia I think the restuarant is across the courtyard and generally poeple who go (I beleiev) put the children to bed and then eat.

I am nervous about this now (as OP said) but TBH am more concerned the pool.

But I love my kids just as much as MB, they arejkust as precious to me, more precious than my passport and I do not need referring to SS.

OP posts:
portonovo · 10/05/2007 11:01

And I haven't seen any suggestion or even implication on here or elsewhere that those parents don't love their children dearly.

NKF · 10/05/2007 11:01

Why is judgmental such a dirty word on Mumsnset? We all make judgements all the time. Some trivial, some serious. We decide what we think is right, wrong, sensible, silly, suitable, unpleasant. And if we feel like it or we're asked, we express that judgement. We might think other people have got it all wrong or that their ideas are daft but they're allowed to make them surely. Besides, as far as I can see, Mumsnet is all about people making judgements on other people's ideas/habits/choices etc.

nailpolish · 10/05/2007 11:01

Outraged
please dont feel you have to justify what you plan to do on holiday. no one is questioning how much you love your children! go with how you feel when you get there

minkybiscuit · 10/05/2007 11:01

Oh and, I never, never suggested they don't love their kids. Not once. The fact that they love their kids so much (even having IVF to have those children) shows how much they are loved. Which is why I said they took a very unwise risk with those most precious to them, which they did.

I'm not insidious or repellent. I'm honest.

minkybiscuit · 10/05/2007 11:03

And why, outraged, are you taking everything so personally? Can I not have a view without you equating it to yourself? It's open discussion - you have been personal to me not the other way round. Like I say, we agree to disagree.

Your villa holiday is a completely different set up to this situation and I wish you a lovely trip.

Original poster
OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 10/05/2007 11:04

Actaully I think MB's posts did suggest from her use of phrase and langauge that they did not view their children as precious enough Portoveno.

People can judge, you acnnot stop that nor would you want to. eqaully others can find their judgemnt offensive.

and in this case from the way it was expressed, I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 10/05/2007 11:05

I used the personal example as that this what this thead was originally about and to show similaritries and how comments about that can seem offensive.

OP posts:
amexonfire · 10/05/2007 11:09

Back to the original post - I see no problem leaving children upstairs in the same house at all - it's no comparison to Mccanns situation.

ScottishThistle · 10/05/2007 11:14

Why does everything turn into an arguement, do what you're comfortable with!

Original poster
OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 10/05/2007 11:18

Apparently it's in a barn across the coutyard.

I'll see when we get there. my children might just stay up. Although I know some nights they'll just be tired and want to go to bed.

I felt fine about it when we booked but obviously more nervous now.

OP posts:
kookaburra · 10/05/2007 11:23

Where is Villa Pia?

Original poster
OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 10/05/2007 11:28

In Umbria, Italy.

I found out about it theough MN actually it is in their family holiday recommendations.

OP posts:
rollonsummerholidays · 10/05/2007 11:45

In room as long as you are in same building just check regularly haven't read all of the thread. have a nice time

rollonsummerholidays · 10/05/2007 11:45

In room as long as you are in same building just check regularly haven't read all of the thread. have a nice time

newgirl · 10/05/2007 11:46

i think one of the reasons many of us are so horrified by the events and so interested in this thread is that many of us would have done the same or similar (be it baby listening, sitting in garden or whatever) - we are trying to suss out what is sensible and what is not for the future.

thanks to everyone for the useful practical tips posted here x

NKF · 10/05/2007 12:08

Villa Pia looks beautiful. At what age can children stay up and have dinner with adults. I wonder if it suits parents of small babies best.

nailpolish · 10/05/2007 14:10

can i be nit picky and say that IVF children are not any more loved than regular children

(sorry, pet hate of mine, cousin has IVF and IL's are always saying how "special" her children are, telling all and sundry who are wihtin earshot)

noonar · 12/05/2007 08:20

i havent read the whole thread, but i woud say that you cannot judge the use of baby listening devices in holiday resorts without knowing the geography of the resort.

i went to mousses, lefkas, which has 10 villas around a pool- and plan to return soon. we left both dds, with a monitor, in a locked apartment. you can see the apt from the bar. they are 5o yds away, max. i would do this again, but only because it is such a small complex and it is no different to leaving them upstairs while you are at the other end of the garden, if you live in a large house.

in the event of fire, sickness, break in etc, you would hear or see it! surely those of you who say you wouldnt do this would go into your own gardens at night? v little difference, imo.

having said that, i wouldnt use babylistening per se, unless the monitoring was constant.

if you know your resort, its a bit different, as the set up in lefkas is v different to many others.

motheroftwoboys · 13/05/2007 15:33

Long thead, lots of comments. Obviously most people are concerned about leaving younger children (which we have done btw at MW using their listening service with no worries - apart from the worry it might be your room number they shout out in the restaurant . However, no-one has mentioned the fact that when your children get a bit older there is NO WAY most of them will want to eat with you or spend the evening with you. Once they are young teenagers their whole holiday revolves on meeting new friends and having fun with them. You barely see them. This is the same on MW or cruise holidays in our experience and I'm sure lots of other places to. Likewise you worry but surely you have to take into account what they want to do. Our boys (now 16 and 14) share a room and get to bed MUCH later than us. I think we all need to "agree to disagree" our (and the boys) idea of a holiday from hell would be a self catering villa in a quiet place away from anywhere BUT to many people that would be heaven. People, as we know, have vastly different ideas on childcare. Why should holidays be any different?