Arrrrgh! How to support DC in uni choice

[SinuousTendrils]

So DD has finally decided on PPE for her course having pivoted between literature and maths all year.
At last year's open days she loved Warwick's philosophy and maths courses but was not keen on the campus or the idea of living near Coventry.
She loved Durham, loved the PPE course but is concerned about the number of public school types (after ruling out oxbridge for this reason) It is also far away from home.
She felt right at home in Sheffield but isn't sure if the course is as good....
She has no idea what to do but wishes she could take the Warwick course in Sheffield.
Dors anyone have knowledge about the PPE course at Sheff? Warwick was a particular draw as they teach continental.
Thank you.

Yeah, I have a DC in the same year, looking at some of the same unis. I will raise an eyebrow if DC ends up with any self-righteous PPE flatmates in halls.

Nice.

No idea why I was deleted. Seems prejudice is fine but only in one direction.

This reminded me of something my eldest said. She was in an interview for her second professional job. At the interview she was asked why she went to Oxford Brookes given her good a level results. Her answer was “that’s what happens when you leave that decision to a 18 year old”.

Her decision was based on her boyfriend studying in London (so easy to get there for weekends) and that her best friend studied at Brooke’s.

She did her masters at Leeds and preferred it as a place to study.

She got the job and is doing well.

Thought there was going to be a good discussion of continental philosophy and how difficult it is to find places to study it in UK. Sadly not!

@Ilovemyfam That’s exactly the issue. 17-18 year olds don’t know everything. Often not the nuances of careers and differences between universities.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner absolutely! I’m a secondary teacher and my tutor group are in Y13 - a lot of them really don’t know what to ‘do’ and I try and reassure them that it’s okay to not have a plan. Not everyone is driven with a clear route ahead of them.

In my daughter’s case she knew the profession she wanted to join but needed to take it on stages and she ended up exactly where she wanted to be university wise but through a slightly roundabout route. It was the making of her. Incidentally her grammar 6th Form didn’t view her as ‘top notch’ and that did have an effect on her confidence. Working for a year made her much more comfortable with herself.

There are many routes to success and indeed what we identify as success in life comes in a myriad of forms!

Wishing the best for all the young people mentioned on this thread.

Yes. I have a number of friends who have children with special needs where the fees for private school are paid by the local authority as it is unable to provide education their require in local comprehensive. Infact the locsl also covers travel there and back as school is quite a distance from home. My DC has attended a private school between 11-18 and we as well as quite a few other families we know were awarded a bursury due to lower income. Some Families received 100%. Others a small percentage. But would also cover cost of compulsory trips and uniform. Children who also apply for scholarships and are successful
wull have a reduction in fees which makes it much more affordable but this is not means tested. The bursary involves a visit to your home by an independent financial adviser who goes goes through painful process of going through finances with fine tooth combe. Most people who have never even attempted to send their children to a private school have absolutely no idea the sort of families who send their children to private school. Some children yes are from wealthy families, but a high percentage are not and making MAJOR sacrifices or have a bursary or several scholarships which make the fees more manageable.

The same type of children as someone has already mentioned attend the local leafy comprehensive or grammar school who are often in a better position financially. It’s not always obvious.

Just realised my earlier post was a reply to @Ilovemyfam not @MeetMeOnTheCorner . Apologies!

Long term job prospects is a factor for mine. No point getting a degree from a top University if you end up applying for dozens of well paid competitive jobs and spend years working in the local pub.
My DC has shortlisted universities based on which one is best for the subject he wants to study. There's plenty of information online to help him create a shortlist.
I've also asked him to consider living in each city for 3 years as he looks round and the practicalities of transport.
Fortunately he doesn't seem bothered by the mix of private/public school students and rather which one offers the best opportunities for study, support for students, extra curricular activities and then employability.

@naturalbaby The top universities generally have better employment prospects. Employers don’t care, in the main, if you studied ancient Roman warfare or the corn laws. Subject matter is somewhat irrelevant unless you are going on to lecture in it. Stem is different of course. For general humanities subjects - aim high. Get the cv up to scratch and do enough to get your cv noticed by employers - most of whom won’t know the top uni for sociology. They are looking for transferable skills, not subject detail.

My point was prospective students should be considering this rather than the mix of public/private school "types".

What's the issue with private school types they are human too

@naturalbaby They absolutely should. It’s one thing that rattles my cage. State pupils not applying to the best universities because - - - they will be in a majority!

The OP and her daughter have a visceral dislike of anyone who’s been privately educated.

Why? They are people like anyone

Well you may ask.

@poetryandwine As you are at the university coal face, are you aware of dc not mixing when they turn up at university? Do they judge other students on your courses and refuse to mix with them? I find it so odd that dc won’t apply to the best universities because of a misplaced view that they will be in a minority and openly state they cannot mix with other dc whom they have never met.

I’ve not generally been aware of a problem with this.

We have (somewhat less so with the current intake) a high percentage of international students, particularly Chinese students. The biggest social problem I see is the segregation between Home and International students and, within the International cohort, the tendency of Chinese students to stick together. ‘Problem’ may be the wrong word but I find it sad. University should be for new experiences.

I have had a couple of personal tutees, both very high achieving women, who felt academically and socially inferior to the other students in their cohort and took a while to settle. Both of them were very sensitive to boorish behaviour on the part of students who’d had all the advantages, but to my knowledge there wasn’t much of it. I am not aware either was directly put down by fellow students, whereas they both told me about problems with staff.

Otherwise, no. I had a hard time believing this thread myself.

In my experience children are no different to adults in that they tend to feel more comfortable around those who look like, sound like and come from similar backgrounds as them.

I suspect sometimes private educated is used as a catch all for well off and posh.

The higher ranking universities are always going to dominated by children from better off backgrounds.

Children not from these backgrounds simply have to decide what is more important to them a university where they feel they are more likely to fit in or the highest one they can get into

My DS is at one of the unis with a higher percentage of private school students. He is the only privately educated student in his flat of 10 people. Fortunately the others don’t seem to have been brought up to have prejudice against him on the basis of his schooling.

Totally agree with you but just one thing - why can’t they fit into any elite university, when they are in the majority? There will be many, many opportunities for friendship groups from similar tribes (whatever beat that may be) and also to mix with different types of people from the UK and around the world. Open hearts and minds are curious and the opposite of small town thinking.

But this is neither a desirable state of affairs nor a stark dichotomy. My School is very highly ranked but the students are quite a meritocratic group, on the whole. I’ve had any number of LMC personal tutees, and some WC ones, who have had an absolutely grand time and made wide circles of friends.

I would agree with all the comments on the thread that we shouldn't judge people based on school type or background. University is partly about learning to mix with people who have very different experiences. However, I think it is also a bit naive to not understand that there can sometimes be challenges in mixing with people whose lifestyles are much more priviledged than your own. If people are regularly sking and going to the Carribean in the holidays and you are working in a bacon factory it can be more difficult (although in no way impossible) to find common ground. Inverted snobbery is wrong, but so is snobbery or just a lack of understanding of others life circumstances. This thread has highlighted some judging of people based on attending a private school, but there can also be judging based on attending a comprehensive. Teenagers have limited life experiences and view the world through the lens of their upbringing.
We arent fully formed people at 17/18/19 - i certainly wasn't.