Arrrrgh! How to support DC in uni choice

[SinuousTendrils]

So DD has finally decided on PPE for her course having pivoted between literature and maths all year.
At last year's open days she loved Warwick's philosophy and maths courses but was not keen on the campus or the idea of living near Coventry.
She loved Durham, loved the PPE course but is concerned about the number of public school types (after ruling out oxbridge for this reason) It is also far away from home.
She felt right at home in Sheffield but isn't sure if the course is as good....
She has no idea what to do but wishes she could take the Warwick course in Sheffield.
Dors anyone have knowledge about the PPE course at Sheff? Warwick was a particular draw as they teach continental.
Thank you.

Yes, i have relayed the comments on here and she is reassured. She loved Durham. I am sure she will find her people and be excellent at getting on with everyone which has always been her superpower. The thread originated really from a feeling that no one option felt like a perfect choice for dd - Durham is a long journey too - and Sheffield ticks alot of boxes but i wasn't sure if the course compared with Warwick and Durham. Unfortunately pps have steered it to decide my dd and I are vile inverted snobs, which certainly isn't the case for my dd. My experience may have clouded my views, and I am far less intelligent, reasonable or pricipled than dd.

We were talking about newcastle 30 years ago.

Got you. 😁

Sorry to hear this. I hsve read similar stories, hence the apprehension.

Yes. Ehcps can quite often name fee paying schools for children with additional needs.

Also, lots of relatively cheap prep schools exist for meeting that need as well as evidencing a child's need for smaller class sizes etc. A local prep near us has majority SEN kids, their parents are in really normal jobs (like my friend who is standard class teacher and her husband who works in customer service). Their kids will likely go to fee paying schools for secondary but via an EHCP.

I do understand about having a dislike of a city/campus for no particular reason (or a combination of reasons). Dd hated Sheffield as a city which was a shame as the course seemed good. She thought it seemed rough. She wasn’t bothered about a big city as ended up in Manchester but just really disliked Sheffield. To me it wasn’t logical. I used to work in Sheffield and have never considered it rough.

Exactly, thank you.
I think a look at the roles that influence and control society will likely be mostly filled by these types of former students too.
I'm hopeful that Dd will help to shift the tide.

Honestly if she’s considering Durham she really should reconsider Oxford and Cambridge again. Especially as they have less ex public school students than Durham. If she likes the courses they offer that is.

We can't afford London as much as we can't afford private education (even if we didn't think that in principle the concept is morally unjust, in the vast majority of instances...excluding those with SEN, in the military, those that are cheap enough for people with low incomes)

Tbf @SinuousTendrils no one has used the phrase "vile inverted snob". I am sure you and your DD are no such thing. FWIW I went to Bristol in the 1980s and it certainly felt as though most of the people I met went to private school. That can't have been the case of course. I went to a state grammar (standard where I come from) and spoke with a flat East Mids accent. I don't recall being bullied and I am sorry that a PP's sister was.

Some of the people I knew at uni were not very nice. Some of them went to private school; some didn't. I got friendly and did things with the people I got on with – who had gone to various different schools. Tbh I don't know even now exactly what school my best friends from uni went to.

All the best to your DD @SinuousTendrils I am sure she will do well wherever she goes. It is tricky to decide but IME students enjoy where they end up, even if on the face of it it didn't tick every box.

I know, it's frustrating, but not my choice. The overbearing construct of class rigidity put her off applying as she ciuldn't see herself-as an Oxbridge student. Too late now, sadly.

DS is at one of the universities mentioned and quickly got used to being asked which school he went to. (He went to state comp.) It's not just private school DC who ask this - also those from 'big name ' state grammar schools.

Oh, it had its moments! All I’m saying is that it was very mind-expanding. It literally blew the doors off my worldview. I think I’d be the poorer for having decided it ‘wasn’t for the likes of me.’

Since when is Coventry where “middle and upper class” is the norm? 😂

Durham not Coventry/Warwick. Apprehension was about Durham, which has highest percentage of public school students.
But less of an apprehension following this discussion.

Okay, but this particular quote thread is about private students, Warwick, Coventry, and Leamington Spa. And the “visceral dislike”. (Click on Show Quote History)

No, the concern about privately educated students was solely about Durham. Far fewer at Warwick so not an issue. Issue there is that Cov is a bit of a dump, ad others have confirmed.

Just a curveball here: it's not too late to do Oxbridge, but probably too late to do PPE as it requires an additional test that needs practising and signing up for. But she could throw in a last-minute application to HSPS at Cambridge - no economics, but lots of politics and honestly filled to the rafters with politically motivated, non-posh students. It's the course that my students (mostly from a minority background, first gen uni) apply for if they're going to do humanities.

I'm sure she could do a personal statement that's aimed at PPE but encompasses sociology. Plus you can put in an additional statement for Cambridge later. I really don't understand what you or she means by 'overbearing construct of class rigidity' but the best way to destroy it would be from the inside.

Hates posh people, hates 'dump' cities - very much the equal opportunities hater.

There are sweeping statements made here about Independent education. Not everyone who goes to a private school is served dinner on fine bone china and holidaying in the Alps and Med. Being a 'leftie' doesn't mean that you can simply dismiss a whole section of people as morally reprehensible without being challenged. I'd say there's some prejudice peeping out here. How ironic.

I'm the product of working class parents sending me to a small girls school because my father went to over twenty schools and wanted me to have the opportunity he did not. I was the first person in my family to stay at school beyond 16. My husband was a full scholarship student at a leading boys' school and then Oxford. Both of us have spent most of our working lives working for the civil service in jobs that while respected are not known for massive rates of pay and we wouldn't have it any other way. We wouldn't have privately educated either of our children even if we could have afforded to for a number of reasons but we haven't chosen to vilify those that have.

Most of the people we met at university were 'people' not just products of their school. Wouldn't it be refreshing if we judged people on their own actions rather than those of their parents. I find twats come from all walks of life...

No hatred anywhere, maybe read the thread?

Quite.

I think you have to trust them to know where is a good fit. If the uni doesn’t feel right I wouldn’t entertain it even if course good. It needs to be an all round good fit. We went to a lot of open days and spent a lot of time talking. She started off wanting London but reality of costs hit and that changed to wanting a big city, nothing too near home.
She hated Durham open day. It wasn’t a good fit for her (too small - felt like a small version of York, the pushy mothers in the talks and overhearing a student on phone loudly talking to daddy about a pony - it was a genuine call not a comedy spoof was icing on cake. She also knew a girl yr above her at school who had been bullied for her northern accent.)
Didn’t want campus, again strong no reaction to campus university I made her visit.
Don’t dismiss due to distance. Some of further away were actually easier due straight train journey or plane.
My dd is yr3 and thriving. I actually thought her insurance was a better fit initially but she said she just knew, argued her case and it’s 100% been the right choice.

Sounds good but DD's a very able mathematician (she doesn't think good enough for university maths with A star maths and A further maths AS, but still.) So landed upon PPE because of the econ.
I suspect Cambridge might have been a good one for her but she was adamantly against applying in the end.

Just out of interest really why does your daughter feel so strongly about private education and does she feel the same about other signifiers of wealth or support with education?

I think it’s great you’ve brought up a child with a moral compass and I mean that seriously but the reality for my child is that she was privileged enough that we are surrounded by a good choice of schools and therefore we will be able to help her with a house deposit instead. She is not disadvantaged against many from private schools and I feel it’s important she understands this.

For some children access to education is truly restricted due to support structures, geography and finances and I regularly see this at work but that was not the case for my daughter.

It sounds like you are hugely supportive of your daughter’s education which isn’t to minimise her achievements which sound extensive but it will be helping her to do her best.

The children getting C’s at one school may be just as able to access a philosophy curriculum as the children getting As at another once the right support is in place as opposed to it being that the children getting As are always cleverer if that makes sense.