Arrrrgh! How to support DC in uni choice

[SinuousTendrils]

So DD has finally decided on PPE for her course having pivoted between literature and maths all year.
At last year's open days she loved Warwick's philosophy and maths courses but was not keen on the campus or the idea of living near Coventry.
She loved Durham, loved the PPE course but is concerned about the number of public school types (after ruling out oxbridge for this reason) It is also far away from home.
She felt right at home in Sheffield but isn't sure if the course is as good....
She has no idea what to do but wishes she could take the Warwick course in Sheffield.
Dors anyone have knowledge about the PPE course at Sheff? Warwick was a particular draw as they teach continental.
Thank you.

Do children who have additional needs and are from poor families go to fee paying schools?

Yes sometimes. For example, they may be offered a full or partial bursary. Or I think in some cases, if there is no suitable state school, the LA may pay.

Not everyone who goes to a private school is from a wealthy family. I know parents who are teachers at private schools and get a fee reduction so are able to send their DC there. And as others say (and my DC have experienced) going to private school doesn't make you a horrible person. Any more than the reverse being true.

I went to Durham 20 years ago and this was not my experience at all. Hatfield College was known for being the posh twat college but everyone else was pretty normal. We used to pop to Hatfields bar sometimes to do some Rah watching (so we were twats too in our own way) but that was the extent of my contact with public school types.

It may have changed since then but daft to write off whole universities because of a few rich kids in my view.

I have a friend who doesn’t work and her DH earns maybe £40k. Their son goes to our local elite private school on a bursary because he’s so bright. It’s a shame OP and her DD would brand him a posho and write him off. That’s Mean Girl behaviour.

My daughter is at uni and has no idea what kind of school most of her friends went to. I went to Edinburgh from private school and was painfully shy. There are plenty of wealthy confident kids in state schools too.

Thanks Clary. I find it so frustrating that so many people seem to have a blanket hatred of every private school family. We are a family who would never have considered private school if we’d had the option of state school for our disabled child.

Newcastle in the late 90s? My course was 70% private school.

I went to comprehensive and was utterly baffled when people asked which school I'd been to.

Fast forward 30 yrs, my two friends I'm still in touch with from uni were both private school educated and my DD has attended private school and is now at uni. She was under strict instructions to never ask what school someone went to. In fact I discussed privilege with her and she is completely aware of it.

Please don't dismiss the unis based on the social media 'overheard at durham' and 'what rahs at Exe-Tah wear' and all that stuff. The kids making these are so aware of how ridiculous it is. It's all bollocks.

IMO Your DD should go for the course over the people. I hope she comes to a decision that feels right for her.

That's good to know, thank you.
You'll see from my earlier posts, neither me nor my DD have a 'blanket hatred' of privately educated people. Both of us just think that a high quality education should be available to everyone, no matter their family income or ability, and have observed that it can be difficult to feel completely at ease with people from a wildly different economic/social background.
I have relayed a lot of the comments here and she has taken them on board. We're going to Warwick open day again on saturday and will have a look round Cov and Kenilworth too. I expect Dd will apply to them all and see how the offers pan out.

Is this a joke? Of course they do.

At DDs school lots of the kids were there on the military boarding fees.

There are many similar schools around.

Yep. Weird wasn't it?
Of course dd will make her own decision. Tbh the thread has been a bit derailed. She loved Durham but had some misgivings about things she'd read and I recalled my experience to her. I was never going to be great mates with people who went foxhunting with the royal family.

I’m from the bottom of the WC, went to Oxford, to one of the most public-school-dominated ‘grand’ colleges, and I made great friends I’m still close to decades on. Yes, virtually everyone else came from worlds I couldn’t even imagine (my dad was a binman and street sweeper, we were very poor, and no one in the family had ever stayed in education past 15), but it was very mind-expanding to go in the vac to stay in a Tudor manor, or someone’s family chalet in the Swiss alps, or be around friends’ parents who were orchestra conductors or archaeologists or politicians.

And, for someone from my background (my parents had told me that university was ‘only for rich people’ and I shouldn’t even consider it), any university was going to be another world.

@SinuousTendrils Who has allowed her to be so anti other students? It’s to her own detriment to go to a second tier uni for this subject just because she’s intolerant of others and doesn’t understand the difference between Coventry and Leamington Spa. She’s very immature. Sheffield will suit her.

Not a joke, i had no idea this was the case, so thanks for the info.
I wil reiterate @clary and others that I haven't at any point said 'all people who are privately educated are horrible people' quite the opposite, in fact. I'm not stupid (despite being educated at the local comp 😉)

She's been brought up in the street.
She hates everyone and everywhere and stamps her feet and spits when I take her out.

Sounds like you had a wonderful experience.

@SinuousTendrils Politics? (the ref to fox hunting stands out!)

No to be fair you didn't use those words or even say that. In fact you said you had found privately educated people nice but that you felt lesser. Which may be on them or on you I guess.

You did talk about privately educated people buying into their tribe and that your DD was concerned about numbers of public school types. I guess I was interpreting that to mean she was concerned they would not be very nice.

What is her concern then? That they will ignore her and not be friendly? That she will have no common ground? That they will refuse to play sports/music/read books/study with someone who went to state school? Those would indeed be unpleasant people and I think I and indeed you can assure her that that is not the case.

Gosh it is a bit of a shame because if you look at a list of the universities with most privately educated children, it's almost exactly a list of the most highly regarded universities in the country (Oxbridge, Imperial, LSE, Durham, St A etc). Unsurprisingly given that many private schools are highly selective and filled with exactly the sort of families whose offspring will do well in exams (by hook or by crook) and will target the best universities. Your daughter should muscle her way into one of them if she really wants to equalise society and the education system. Her choices are just perpetuating inequality.

From what I gather, Oxford, LSE, Warwick and Durham are the obvious choices for an academic child looking to do PPE. International relations is good at St Andrews.

I have a relative who teaches at a comprehensive in the north west and Durham isn't seen as the posh uni, but the academic one that's relatively close to home. There are more kids from state schools than private although of course it has a disproportionate number of the latter. But they are very much bunched up in certain colleges - go to a Hill self-catered college and it really won't seem like that. Of course she might not like the course or the city but if she does, I really think she should consider it.

No but i think that person was studying international politics.
I always wondered why they went to Newcastle, seemed so incongruous.

I also have to say if she does get her three A stars (which the vast majority of those who are predicted it don't do), she'd be mad not to apply to oxford with grades in hand.

I went to comprehensive and was utterly baffled when people asked which school I'd been to.

This made me laugh. Dd goes to Manchester and says the majority on her course are ex private school. She gets asked this question a lot.

She went to one of the worst comps in the country but it shares a name with a very well known private school. She she says she went to x and everyone assumes she went to the posh boarding school. 🤣. She will put them right, she’s not trying to pretend anything.

Yes I was thinking London as well. Is that on her list? Well worth a look UCL as well as LSE.

You know some working class students are well aware that they are less likely to be treated well in institutions where middle and upper class students are the norm. She’s not just decided she dislikes these groups she is trying to protect herself from classist discrimination which has rather a long history in this country. To act as though her fears have zero basis in reality is to deny centuries of discrimination.

Idk my sister was bullied by the private school lot for her accent. We are from Leeds and she was studying… in Leeds. Still they managed to ostracise her.

I’ve seen a couple of comments about Newcastle on here which I’m not sure I understand. Afaik it’s a good RG university with its fair share of ex public school students (as many as Warwick).

out of interest I googled for the universities with the most ex public school students. People are right, Durham is more than Oxford or Cambridge. Also agree the course will make a difference and PPE will have a higher proportion.

1. Durham University – 39.1%
2. Imperial College London – 33.0%
3. University of Oxford – 31.4%
4. University of Exeter – 30.3%
5. University College London (UCL) – 29.5%
6. University of Cambridge – 28.2%
7. University of Bath – 28.2%
8. London School of Economics (LSE) – 26.0%
9. University of Bristol – 25.2%
10. University of Edinburgh (Scottish, included in UK tallies) – 31.8% / King's College London – ~22.0%
11. University of Manchester – ~21.5%
12. University of Warwick – ~21.0%
13. Newcastle University – ~20.0%
14. University of Southampton – ~19.5%
15. Loughborough University – 18.7%
16. University of Nottingham – ~18.0%
17. University of Leeds – ~17.5%
18. University of Sheffield – ~16.0%
19. University of Birmingham – ~15.5%
20. University of Liverpool – ~14.0% 1, 2, 3, 4]