Fledglings 2026 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[ComingInByAnsible]

A thread for parents of Year 13 leavers as they go on to universities, apprenticeships and other new adventures.

DS is off to Warwick to study PPE.

Mine is same very up and down. Not great socially usually anyway. She's gonna come home for the weekend on the train and am hoping will settle a bit more once lectures start.

My DD has just surfaced from a night out yesterday. She's hungover but happy. Going out with a flatmate for a 'coffee' which is interesting as she doesn't drink it. ☕😂We are not contacting her really other than a quick text to confirm a Christmas panto visit date! I guess, for me, my thinking is 'no news is good news' but I'd love a video call at some point but wont push it.

It can be such a challenging time for them. Wishing good luck to all those whose children are having a tricky time at the moment.

This is almost identical to how my ds2 has been. His older brother has spoken to him and basically said 'It'll be shit for a while, but gradually it'll get a bit less shit, and then you'll feel fine.'

Which is essentially what I said to ds2, but I used many more words!

He found that starting up conversations was easier when there were smaller groups, rather than the whole group of hallmates.

I feel for you- it's very hard as their parents.

She went through a difficult time at her sixth form and I wished that that her experience of transition to university will be better. Sadly no!
I keep telling that it’s early days, she is bound to find people she will get on with.

How common is it for students to have to buy a fairly expensive pass to get into uni freshers events? DC doesn't want the extra expense, not being a great partygoer but is missing out because you need the pass for access.

@MumMumMumMumMumMumMumMum I think it's fairly common. But DS didn't buy the full pass as didn't think he'd want to go out every night. He bought two separate tickets for two club nights. His hall is arranging a lot of social before others go clubbing and things during the day are free.

That's the problem my DC had. No desire to go out every night, so it's not really worth it. On the other hand, he's not too hot at finding out what the other ways to pay are and so he ended up getting turned away from a club last night and walking home on his own.

I’d love a video call too.. but don’t think it’s going to happen any time soon because she’s so busy and exhausted apparently! It’s also my birthday today so thought I might hear a bit more than a happy birthday text but hey ho! I don’t want to put any pressure on and I know that no news is good news. Really feel for all you parents with kids who are struggling. I’m sure it gets better with time and you have to just stick out these early days and reassure that they will be fine. Sending hugs and fingers crossed for a better week ahead

I’m hoping for a video call at some point, so many things I want to ask!!

Happy birthday, @Onthesofawithmydog, hope you are doing something nice to celebrate! 🥳 🎂

@ProfessorLayton1, sorry to read about your DD’s start, as others have said, hopefully once lectures and classes start things will begin to improve.

@Shodan, wise words from your DS1!

@BurnoutGP, hope the weekend at home helps your DD to feel more positive, sorry to read that things have been so tough 💐

That’s exciting news, @Muchtoomuchtodo! I imagine that’s quite a lot to organise in the next three weeks!

Be careful what you wish for. I have had 3 40 min facetimes with DD today. The 1st sobbing. The 2nd 2 better but still needing a lot of handholding. She has done what she needed to but everything a drama and an effort . Went and sorted her ID. Sorted her oyster card. She's going out for dinner with her flatmates. But is adamant shes coming home for the weekend. Induction lecture tomorrow so am hoping that will improve things.
I am utterly exhausted and worried.
In contrast I barely heard from or saw DD1 in her 1st year.

Pretty common I think, but not useful if the Fresher's programme doesn't include events that aren't clubbing or drinking based.

DC1 at York has purchased the full wristband package, but it includes entrance to things like a quiz, movie night, ghost walk, karaoke, a hypnotist show etc not just clubbing. Plus there are free events too, including petting zoo, craft afternoons and board game sessions.

Hope your DC finds some things to attend that suit them, and don't cost the earth.

Haven’t heard from her since morning and I take this as a good sign:)
She is out with other students apparently, hopefully she will settle down soon!

DS has so far complained that he hasn't got enough clothes (forgetting that there are washing machines!).and that he hasn't been in his room for more than 30mins other than sleep and therefore hasn't unpacked or sorted his room out. Which is a great sign in my view.

york Sounds fabulous.

@ComingInByAnsible thank you! I had the best birthday present as dd called me after dinner on her way to a SU pub quiz… she only had 5 mins as her and all her flat were late but it was the best five mins ever! She’s basically having a ball and loving every moment and thinks she has the best flatmates. So that 5 minutes has set me up for the next week at least! 😆

Oh that’s wonderful, @Onthesofawithmydog, both that she called you and that she is having a brilliant time!

DD2 had her induction yesterday. Lots of tears the night prior, feeling as though she wasn’t ready. I got a brief rundown last night, apparently she got chatting to a girl in her tutor group and it turns out they’ve got 3 modules together. Hoping that just helps her begin to settle more.

She’s still very tearful and anxious about the whole thing

I feel your pain. Its awful to see them struggling and knowing they have to find their way. DD2 has induction and tutor group today am so hoping she will talk to someone at least. But she is so overwhelmed she cant mask at all so is just coming across as withdrawn and awkward.

DD called this morning saying she wants to come home, it seems to be our dogs that she’s really struggling with leaving behind. She could commute if necessary but I’m really hoping she starts to settle down as the term gets underway.

Have you heard from your DD today?

Some of these messages make me think we push kids too quickly out of the house in the UK. I know many thrive but lots don’t, In my home country majority just live at home and commute. DC1 took a year out and they were more than ready to go to university. It depends a lot on the child as some mature later too.

All of the ones who are struggling now (or will struggle later) want to go though! We haven't made them do it.