Is it always wrong for parents to contact university on behalf of students?

[stripycats]

Just after some advice as I am sitting on my hands and it is becoming difficult. I also don't want to go into too much detail, but if a student has a bit of an issue with the university (not related to grades/marks awarded, discipline or attendance) and struggle to get a resolution themselves, with emails not being replied to, when, if ever would you get involved. There is a financial element to this dispute, which means it does affect me directly. Would it be wrong for me to get involved?

There are other exam adjustments though - even for temporary ailments or medical conditions - a scribe for a broken arm or a small room for diabetes due to the need to check bloods/have a snack.

Yes, ; the Office for Students with Disabilities also deals with injuries, etc which are considered as temporary disabilities.

If there's no diagnosis - whatever the young person had a school - most universities cannot make concessions or offer mitigation. We need evidence, and evidence in good time.

For example, hen a student wants to use a dead grandparent as reason for missing an exam or assessment (and exam periods are very perilous for grandparents, let me tell you!) we ask for funeral notice or death certificate.

We have to, because of the number of students who try to play the system. It is not fair to other students to give mitigations without evidence.

And if this is the issue with your DC, you intervening as a parent won't make a difference. It risks making things worse by slowing down the process

We cannot reply to parents unless we have written permission on record from the student. We are not even meant to acknowledge they are a student at our university if a parent emails. There are cases of estrangement where this would present issues.

Exactly! I once had to fend off a father trying to intervene in one of my student's degree. I'd heard from the student about their father, and while the father presented as perfectly reasonable, my student's view was verrrrry different. It would have been completely unethical & unprofessional to have engaged with that father, other than to tell him I couldn't see him or speak to him.

@Wapentake and @worstofbothworlds advice is excellent re disabilities & accommodations/adjustments.

It really cannot be done on an ad hoc basis well, certainly not at my university). And we would require some form of official documentation, not just "DC had it at school."

I would also be interested in a time line. My university closes everything except the main Library - literally all heating & lighting turned off - from Christmas Eve through to the first working day after New Year's Day. (They save a fortune on power bills) The only staff working are Estates & Security. So it's a break in business for at least 1 working week (and boy do we need it).

Would you get your own Mum to ring on your behalf to sort something out @stripycats ?

Your DD is an adult now. If she is not prepared to chase this herself then the time for you to work on this type of thing was when she was a child. You are infantilising her. Clearly that has held her back already so don’t keep doing it.

@ParmaVioletTea if we have an EHCP or IEP from school that will count as evidence - but Mum's word is not enough.
I had a parent try to sit in on a student meeting and I sent her packing (maybe 15 years ago?) but more recently a perfectly capable though unfortunate student asked if his mum could sit in. He was very happy with what we could do but mum wasn't and kept making more and more mad suggestions. I felt sorry for him, first his circumstances and then this helicopter parent!

Well I have to disagree with the majority of these posts. Yes they are technically an adult at 18 but a very young adult who is still learning and whose brain is still developing. We very much took the view that our DS should do the vast majority of Uni life by himself, as a learning process and part of maturing. However we were always there for support, whatever form that might take. On one occasion DH left very early in the morning to attend a meeting with DS to support him. This was regarding his course and an error made by the University which was somewhat problematic to sort out. DS was glad of the support and the Uni were fine with DH attending.
I do think it’s our job as parents to be there in the background and help/support/advise when needed and asked for.
@stripycatscould your DD request an in person meeting which you could attend with her? It might lead to a better outcome if done face to face.

I don't look positively on parents who attend meetings with their adult students.
And usually any query has to be researched or passed on to someone else. It's not going to be solved my rocking up and insisting on a meeting.

I’m a disability adviser at a university and we would accept evidence of exam arrangements at school in order to put the same in place for uni exams. It’s called a form 8 and the school should be able to send it to your child if requested. However we also say 4 weeks notice for exam adjustments so it sounds like it may be too late for the next exam period now anyway?

Well thankfully you weren’t at my DS’s meeting. And for the record we didn’t rock up and demand it. Don’t be so dramatic.

With your child's knowledge and agreement, I think it is reasonable to contact the university.

If there's no diagnosis - whatever the young person had a school - most universities cannot make concessions or offer mitigation. We need evidence, and evidence in good time.

Evidence has been provided of the provision that was in place throughout school but this has not been accepted.

It really cannot be done on an ad hoc basis well, certainly not at my university). And we would require some form of official documentation, not just "DC had it at school."

That's nothing like what has been written to the university. We've given evidence and they have said it's insufficient but in the particular circumstances it is hard to know what else to provide. This is becoming a very worrying situation and I wonder if all the parents here with their oh-so-clever remarks about demanding this and that and attending job interviews with my dc would be so sanguine if their dc was facing something that could prevent them from completing their degree and the university was stonewalling them.

Would you get your own Mum to ring on your behalf to sort something out * ?
Your DD is an adult now. If she is not prepared to chase this herself then the time for you to work on this type of thing was when she was a child. You are infantilising her. Clearly that has held her back already so don’t keep doing it.*

@Bluebluesummer Did I ever say I was going to ring? Is there any difference between 49 and 18, or is it just ADULT, that's it, you're on your own. Have I said 'she' (have been gender neutral throughout but several have assumed girl and none boy - I wonder why?) isn't prepared to chase it? No, I've made it clear that's not the case but don't let that stop you spinning a narrative. And what on earth are you basing the wild assumption that 'she' has been held back on??? Nasty, irrelevant post.

It's not going to be solved my rocking up and insisting on a meeting. Who's 'rocking up' anywhere? Why do so many on this thread have to exaggerate and twist what people are saying. And some work in academia?!

I’m really shocked they wouldn’t accept evidence of exam adjustments from school! OP I would have a look at the Abrahart vs Uni of Bristol case. It is massively shifting the way ‘evidence’ for adjustments is viewed and required now.

And what on earth are you basing the wild assumption that 'she' has been held back on??? Nasty, irrelevant post.

I’m basing it on two things

1. having a child at a similar stage who has accommodations due to having diagnoses and

2. being a university lecturer of 20 years experiencing competent students who handle themselves as adults every day and speak directly to members of staff daily to navigate normal student challenges daily.

Yes on occasions we have had parents intervene but it is very rare and on the whole the students have either had significant disability or the parent is significantly overstepping.

You can advocate for your young adult at university if they give written permission. I am able to advocate for my daughter in the NHS as she has given written permission.

I do think that it can be worth getting involved in the conversation if your young adult wants that, after all, you are probably going to have to help them get the evidence or pay for an assessment if they don't already have it.

I always offer to wade in, and on occasions have done, not so much with uni but with college, and anything where I'm paying as well. Only if my children ask me or give permission, though.

Honestly, I did not assume DC was a girl but had assumed boy because boys are less mature and responsible at 18 in general. But could of course be either.

I continue to think he/she/you are being unreasonable to imagine you are going to get a quick response from a university outside of term time. And if they are requiring evidence from you then you should get that in place before you contact them again.

@Bluebluesummer Where have I said my child hasn't 'handled themself as an adult,' and spoken directly to members of staff? I haven't. I said they initiated the enquiry themselves and then when it became complicated I became involved in advising/drafting emails etc, as I am sure 99% of parents who give a shit would at that point. This has been ongoing since before Christmas and it is getting extremely frustrating and worrying. Now I am CONSIDERING getting involved more directly and I believe the thread title itself strongly implies that I recognise it is not ideal for parents to do this and am asking for whether it is EVER advisable.

I have had some thoughtful and helpful replies but a lot of nonsense as well about attending job interviews/demanding/insisting on this that and the other, from people who claim to be academics in some cases.

You do what you feel best supports your DC @stripycats
Don’t pay any attention to the so called experts on here, frankly I feel sorry for the students facing some of these University staff. Compassion and empathy seem to have gone out of the window just because the students are 18 and have somehow magically acquired the skills and knowledge of an adult 🙄

Best of luck @stripycats I hope your son/daughter gets sorted.

Your adult child has no disability but - for a reason you haven’t disclosed - had a concession at school exam time. You think your adult child should continue to have this concession but the uni hasn’t accepted this. So he / she doesn’t currently qualify for said concession.

Have they said what they need eg a diagnosis to give the concession? If so get the diagnosis if you genuinely think your adult child has it. Or perhaps uni never gives this concession in which case your adult child needs to stop asking for it.

It’s hard to advise more when you have been so mysterious about the concession and reason your child had it at school.

I don't see it as the worst thing in the world for a parent to contact the university system if it's to arrange evidence for exam arrangements. I mean it's not that usual, but it's not a bad thing to do. I'd get off Mumsnet OP, as it'll only wind you up, ask your child if they would like your assistance; if so, then get them to email with permission for you to be in contact too cc'ing in your email. Bear in mind not all universities have started term and ask politely what you need to do next to get this over the line.

I was a disabled student who did battle with the system not that long ago. I'm now an academic and a personal tutor.
It's very likely that disability services folks work term-time only, so they may only just be back yesterday. Things might speed up this week.
If your child hasn't been to see their personal tutor, get them to go see them. They should also call in to see the student union sabbatical officer who looks after student progression/welfare. Both these people can help your offspring advocate for themselves.
Without a formal diagnosis, disability services might say 'no' to exam adjustments etc. Even if you have loads of evidence from school. Getting the assessment done should be a priority though, so that if your offspring does get a diagnosis they can get the adjustment. Don't go paying for a private assessment until you've found out whether the disability services folks will want to do their own assessment or want a GP letter to confirm.
Encourage your offspring to go get support from their personal tutor and the student union tomorrow. Hope they get this resolved.

Depends on the circumstances. My friends DS is having some serious issues with anxiety and is dealing directly with the university.

stripycats · Today 18:24 if their dc was facing something that could prevent them from completing their degree
I'm confused now. I assumed that we were talking about Year 1 / semester 1 exams. Are you talking about 3rd Year exams?