Distance from home

[splendidlyambivalent]

Very interesting thread on a Facebook site I am on. The poster says she (he?) doesn’t understand why parents want their kids to choose unis within a 2 hour radius. So many replies say it is sensible because of need to support them if ill/ND etc. But a lot of the replies also mention parental convenience (selfish criterion IMHO). My eldest three DC never considered distance - they all went to the best uni for their course (in a place they liked). Their unis were 3, 5 and 8 hours away - despite fact two of my DC are ASD. It was the making of them - rather than asking me to visit to sort out a problem (as they had always done at school), they stepped up and got in the habit of doing it themselves! And when they were ill (freshers flu etc), none asked me to scoop them up and take them home. If it had been serious, my drive would have been a couple of hours longer - so what (unless we are meant to be choosing unis on basis of kids having life-threatening injuries). I just think parents are way too neurotic. Am I wrong? Being so far away from us, my three learnt to problem-solve for themselves and be self-sufficient adults who didn’t pop home constantlt for weekends. Love them to bits and missed them but we all coped not seeing each other for 10 weeks at a time (thank you FaceTime!). They got the maximum out of their uni experience as a result. I ask this question as youngest child about to submit uni application and she has picked Edinburgh, St Andrews, Durham, Lancaster and York - all many hours away from us on south coast!

I think @Cakeandusername meant £30k per YP – for a three-year course.

Add in a master's btw and then you are really talking.

Curious discussion. It seems self-evident that DCs will try to choose a university that best meets all their particular needs (course, campus/city, preferred distance from home etc) and a parent would support that?
It's definitely easier, cheaper, more pleasant to travel back home if a Uni is 2-3h away, rather than 5 or 6

Agree with this.
It's such an odd way to start a discussion.
I wouldn't put 'distance from home' as a top criteria for choosing where to apply, but you'd be daft to dismiss it as a factor altogether.
It is MUCH nicer to be a couple of hours from home for 101 different reasons, so, if there are similar courses in more than one place, then that would be one deciding factor. Obviously not THE deciding factor, but one thing to throw into the mix.

Why do you care what other people do or why they do it?

Just do what's right for your family and let everyone else get on with what's right for theirs.

It doesn't have to be one thing is best for all.

Maybe I did not spell out my point clearly enough - yes, distance from home is relevant. But very many parents on WIWIKAU START by saying you must be within a 2-hour journey from home. It is a prerequisite for them not a 'nice to be considered' and that is surely wrong.

Doesn't it depend on the reason why?

I know from reading posts on The Student Room that some families aren't happy for their daughters to stay in halls, and insist that they only go to the local university. It doesn't mean it is right though.

No I’m uk. I said just shy of £30,000 as that’s what fees are for a typical 3 year course.

I think the old model of university as a way for middle class kids to have a semi sheltered experience of leaving home is more and more outdated, because it simply isn't affordable.

In many countries most young people go to their nearest university unless they are doing a specific course not available locally, or are on an elite pathway.

My neighbour's child (we are in London) spent her first year in halls to for the social side/ making friends / experience, then commuted from home in years 2 and 3. Had a great time and a full social.life. Also saved thousands of pounds.

Let's face it, young people who don't go to university manage to develop independence without moving hundreds of miles away.

I have one child a few thousand miles away because she won a scholarship, the other is at College but will probably not go to uni or go to one accessible from home. The older and more mature she gets the more independence she gets, even living at home.

I agree @baital. It's often struck me that the system was originally designed as a sort of extension of boarding school - my parents both went to university in the 60s, where they spent three years in university accommodation, with curfews and wardens and catering provided. It was a very sheltered introduction to 'independence' - not really independence at all, to be honest.

The expansion of HE has meant that we now throw lots of young people into a weird sort of 'independence', which is not at all like 'real life', where they're living with a huge number of complete strangers, fending for themselves and often having to juggle work and study. It doesn't necessarily work for a lot of today's 18 year olds, who go away having been quite sheltered and are suddenly forced to take on all this responsibility at once. And it's not at all necessary when it comes to creating fully independent adults - plenty of fully functional adults emerge having never left their home town, not leaving home until they move in with a partner etc etc.

My kids coped fine, because they were already very independent in lots of ways - but they definitely didn't 'need' to go away at all, let alone 5 hours or so. I'd have been quite happy for them to stay at home and commute, or get a degree apprenticeship, if they have preferred. It's very strange and narrow minded to think that going away to university is essential in order to grow up - even more so to think that it has to be 5 or 6 hours away for full independence to be achieved!

My friend's dd has been commuting to university for 3 years, but she's been doing a healthcare course which to me requires a lot more independence and 'adulting' than a humanities course - dealing with the general public in emergency situations. She's a very mature young lady. And on graduating she's getting married and moving away from her home town. She's much more independent than some young people I know who've moved back home after being 'away' at uni and still expect parents to make meals for them and cover their living expenses...

DD factored in the distance away from home mainly due to time and cost. She could afford to come home by train if she wanted. When she did her Masters at Leeds, which is a lot further from us, she had to use the coach which took a lot longer and was prone to breaking down.

I think you still aren’t fully appreciating the finances side for lots of parents Op. It’s not a ‘nice to be considered’ if you can’t afford for them to go further, you can’t afford it.
Lots of parents are blindsided by the amounts they are expected to contribute. Perhaps embarrassed about debts, embarrassed they haven’t been more on it in terms of saving or trickier family set ups eg realising moving boyfriend in when yp was 16 was a bad move uni finance wise. To have a frank conversation early on needs parents clued up re loans, parents contributions, accommodation costs, appreciation Scotland is 4 years etc.
Instead what seems to happen is parents maybe go to a presentation at sixth form or a uni open day summer yr12 and the penny drops. It’s understandable an easy fix is to say stay local ish especially if that cuts out expensive cities for rent.
As lots of posts have touched on it’s not just finances.
My friend is in a privileged financial position to only work 3 days, she’s using her day off next week to drive 5 hours, night in hotel and petrol to retrieve yp at Christmas (yp is ND and not confident re a complex journey on public transport) Same in January. £500 expenditure? If my friend couldn’t commit to that then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have told her Yp localish only and on a direct train you can manage.

You also have to factor in that there is a really disproportionate % of parents on WIWIKAU who are massive helicopter parents.

What started off as a really helpful group for parents who didn't know much about the system or processes turned into a bunch of (sad to say, almost all women) who wanted to micro-mange the lives of their student dc.
I bit my lip / sat on my hands for a while, and challenged some of it, but it became really over powered by far too many parents who seemed to want their dc to be dependent on them for the rest of their lives. I had to leave a few years ago.

I got my wrist slapped by challenging someone who wouldn't teach their son to cook because he was a boy!

That said (and I am prepared to be flamed) I think that there are a lot of young people who go to university who really shouldn't be there.

My DD is just doing her pro's and cons list for Uni's that she has to narrow down to 4 by the end of September. Her pro side has a maximum of 3hr drive from home, but she prefers 2hrs 30. Her reason is that she thinks she will miss us, but especially the pets too much and want to come home many weekends.

I've told her she probably will not want to come home many weekends once she settles in and makes friends, which she usually does pretty quickly.
We are looking at 2 around 4hrs+( traffic dependant) away as I've also told her she needs to love the place she chooses as she'll be there for 5/6 years & her other 8 only have 2 that have what she is looking for on paper, but she might hate them when we attend the open days.

Which are her favourites so far?

@Zokaluse73 by your ref to 4 and choosing by September I’d guess medicine or dentistry so location will be less of a factor as it will mainly depend on ucat where they can apply.

There are actually 9 not 8 on her list and they are Exeter, Keele, Leeds, Leicester, & Liverpool then her favourites UEA, Sheffield, Bristol & Southampton .....but she hasn't seen them yet, this is based on her research of the Area, Uni, the teaching style, entry requirements and distance from home or family.

This list has been decreased as she did have UCL, Imperial, Newcastle & Brighton....ruled out Brighton after she did a med school meet & greet and didn't like the thought of Brighton for 5 years (we go often for day trips) or the uni site. Newcastle she did a medicine experience day and loved every single thing about everything but being a 6hr drive from home she said a definite no & removed them both from her whiteboard.

UCL & Imperial keep going on/off due to the cost as we are paying for her accommodation and living costs as she'd not get enough with a maintenance loan & we'd rather she didn't have more debt anyway ...They were her top 2 choices due to being closest to home but she also got 3 7's so makes them a bit risky too.

Medicine yes. Oh yes she knows that and I've told her not to have a favourite. The 4 current favourites have changed around a few times so it's just preference based on what she has in GCSE's and is expecting in A-levels and she'll make her final decision after predicted grades and UCAT.

Bristol, Leeds and Newcastle were on DS's shortlist too 🙂 What are her predicted A-level grades?

She does her Mocks in June but latest yr12 test is A star A A and A star-A EPQ, though is hoping for A* in Bio & Chem not just one of them.
How about your DS?
We have a ‘too early for Medicine 2027’ Thread if you want to join us.

I planned to go far away but ended up just over an hours drive from home and was glad about it because it’s just so much more convenient. It didn’t mean I went home that much but when I did it wasn’t that hard. DS is a short flight away and hopefully DD will be too (by hopefully I mean if she gets the grades). I think that is almost easier than a 5+ hr drive and the flights are cheaper than trains. But of course you do have the check in and security at the airport to factor into the time.

In the end you have to choose somewhere you like/has a good reputation first and then I think if you are choosing between a few go for the more convenient rather than aiming to be far away. But maybe not your home town unless you want to be able to commute and live at home.