Distance from home

[splendidlyambivalent]

Very interesting thread on a Facebook site I am on. The poster says she (he?) doesn’t understand why parents want their kids to choose unis within a 2 hour radius. So many replies say it is sensible because of need to support them if ill/ND etc. But a lot of the replies also mention parental convenience (selfish criterion IMHO). My eldest three DC never considered distance - they all went to the best uni for their course (in a place they liked). Their unis were 3, 5 and 8 hours away - despite fact two of my DC are ASD. It was the making of them - rather than asking me to visit to sort out a problem (as they had always done at school), they stepped up and got in the habit of doing it themselves! And when they were ill (freshers flu etc), none asked me to scoop them up and take them home. If it had been serious, my drive would have been a couple of hours longer - so what (unless we are meant to be choosing unis on basis of kids having life-threatening injuries). I just think parents are way too neurotic. Am I wrong? Being so far away from us, my three learnt to problem-solve for themselves and be self-sufficient adults who didn’t pop home constantlt for weekends. Love them to bits and missed them but we all coped not seeing each other for 10 weeks at a time (thank you FaceTime!). They got the maximum out of their uni experience as a result. I ask this question as youngest child about to submit uni application and she has picked Edinburgh, St Andrews, Durham, Lancaster and York - all many hours away from us on south coast!

We are in Northern England and I’ll attach the leaver’s destinations from the local state grammar.
300 students in a year group. Top 10 popular choices are all local ish within an hour or two. Only 3 students to London.

I think (hope?) It depends on what you want to study as well. For example Maths... its available everywhere, although the standard varies. But choosing for example Newcastle over Bristol as you live in Northumberland is likely not to effect your future career (disclaimer I don't know the reputation for Maths of those two universities, just that generically they are similar)

But if you want to do Vet Science... thats a lot more limited. You can't be as fussy over a perceived acceptable distance.

DD's didn't want to go North at all. We are Surrey. Too bloody cold. So their criteria was mostly to do with weather, but that also limited distance. We had Exeter, which a pita, and Oxford, which was easy peasy.

I think the thing that is being overlooked is not where you want to go to uni but where you can actually apply to with the grades you may get. Ds was predicted 4 A stars. That meant he could apply anywhere he wanted as he met all entry requirements. He was fortunate to attend outstanding state schools because we moved into catchment for them; both primary and secondary. This may not be possible for a lot of people.

Not everyone has the luxury of great school choices and not everyone lives in a grammar area. The geography of where your parents live for work or family support comes into that.

For us, Ds1 was 90 minutes away and chose a uni in the top 5 for his subject. Ds2 is currently 2 1/2 hours away and is at the top ranking uni for his course and it's why he chose it. Distance did factor in but a lot of other things played into it too. Both of them chose unis they felt really comfortable with. You can visit a place and not like it.

I think the logistics of moving a child in and out potentially at the start and end of each term does need some planning. It can involve overnight stays in hotels due to distance. Ds's mate was a 7 hour drive from home, that is with no breaks. That is not possible to round trip in a day plus the time it takes to pack or unpack a car.

this is just a very long winded long boast that doesn't really contribute to the conversation

I have one 2.5hrs away, 3 years into 5 year course. She wishes she were closer - she likes coming home and is back about once a month. The other one is 50 mins away and is never back. She chose the uni as it was a top 3 for her subject. Easier for us if they're closer, but didn't try and influence either way.

@FlippityKibbet it is just fact. Grades dictate what unis you can apply to with a chance of getting in. Not all students, myself included, fall into a high grade academic category. Meaning as much as I would have liked to go to some unis nearby my grade profile was not high enough to apply. I had to look at what unis would potentially accept me on the course I wanted.

The one I went to was 4 1/2 hours away from home. I would have liked to be closer because at that distance by car, the train ride was longer and I couldn't travel home during term. It would have been easier for my parents to come and see me when I was hospitalised in the first term. They didn't, I was left to it.

Where you live as a family also makes a difference as to how far unis are. If you live in Southampton then Edinburgh is a hell of a journey for you. Whereas any London uni would be a lot closer.

@fortyfiftyyou seem to imply that young people aren’t expanding their horizons and coming across as pity. My DD has a large friendship group at home and now it’s large at uni. This weekend she’s going to an event in a different university town with 50 of her school friends. Choosing to travel to a university a long distance away serves no purpose to her. We live in Leeds. Her and her 12 close friends have chosen 4 northern cities to go to uni in ; Manchester, Sheffield, Liverpool and Newcastle. They have such a wide social circle already they are networking across the North of England. It’s interesting that the new friends generally from the South of England seem to want the distance. Just an observation.

Southampton is 2 hrs from Bristol where you can catch a flight directly to Edinburgh. Many flights are much cheaper now than trains.

Not the point but you don't need to go to Bristol- can fly from Southampton

@thankgoditssaturday She’s only expanding horizons in the north, as indeed her friends are. It’s ok to do that of course, but it’s region limited. Many northern dc don’t go south of Nottingham. London students are a lot more adventurous. They go anywhere.

@OhDear111thats a ridiculous view given by someone who’s probably never visited the North of England! My daughter has travelled the globe. Went around China, Vietname, climbed to Annapurna base camp. She doesn’t need to go to Southampton to be adventurous ffs!

Maybe its the Northern cities having a lower cost of living and so attracting students from everywhere?

Don’t be so patronising! Choosing a university is one stage in a person’s life and hardly indicative of an unwillingness to expand one’s horizons.

@thankgoditssaturday I’ve not been to the north? Of course I have! Many relatives there and they all stay in the north! London is way too expensive. Other places don’t have “people like them” - apparently. Look at uni destinations from Leeds schools. I would bet you the vast majority of dc stay in the north! I bet they don’t go to London, Exeter or Bristol or Southampton!

@OhDear111where on earth have you got that from? DS (international) but currently living in the north is at a uni down south and it is full of Londoners who haven’t ventured anywhere, especially up north! They all stick to a small radius outside of London.

I went to a uni about as hard to get to from my home town as possible. As a result I think I was visisted by family maybe twice the whole time I was there. Was great. I'd already lived away from home for a year before so I was used to that. Independence is a life skill!

@OhDear111 I’d argue though there’s no point travelling hundreds of miles to a uni city with sky high rents for a standard RG uni. All those mentioned will have a northern equivalent similarly ranked, probably working out several thousands a year cheaper once rent and travel costs factored in.
Obviously some unis are in a different category eg Oxbridge, Imperial.
For RG there’s probably little difference between most.
The north isn’t an identical, if my dc had gone to Leeds for example it would have been a totally different city to get to know with locals speaking differently. If she had a burning desire to mix with lots of southerners from private school could opt for Durham, no need to trek hours to Bristol.
My dc isn’t at a local uni (she’s in a different country) her choice for various reasons but I don’t think it makes her better than her peers who opted to study 90 mins away in York.

@Cakeandusername I don’t entirely think distance is the issue but there’s a reason many northern dc stay in the north. Costs, not needing a southern uni, wanting people like them in larger numbers and they have every intention of working in the north as housing is cheaper. I’m not saying they are making the wrong decision but it’s a common one to make. I would suggest Liverpool is very different to Bristol and Exeter in terms of student body and of course students look at this too. Posts on here often describe how worried dc are about mixing with privately educated dc for example. Therefore choosing uni to be with similar dc is a big pull. So staying with your type of person makes sense and lots do it. Not unique to the north but pretending northern students flock south isn’t correct. Some do - of course!

I agree somewhat with @OhDear111. DD is at a Northern Uni (we’re from the midlands) and the majority of her friends and course mates she’s friendly with are from the north. According to her, it comes down to cost (lots of parents aren’t able to help so these students are paying their own rent etc) and just the fact Northerners (well, these particular northern students anyway) love the north apparently and had no desire to travel much further south. The farthest south any of her friends who have moved further afield have come from is Birmingham.

It's very common for autistic people to struggle with transitions, struggle socially and with executive functioning though OP - maybe your kids don't struggle with any of those but most ND kids will and a lot will be a few years behind their peers in emotional maturity. Being able to come home a little more frequently could be the difference between them being able to cope with university and them dropping out.

As Professor Tony Attwood says in his book on Asperger's syndrome, helicopter parenting is how the parents of autistic kids enable them to cope. DS (ASD) didn't want to be more than a couple hours away, it hasn't made him any more or any less independent than if he'd been 4 hours away - in fact he loves it so much he'd very happily only come home once a year. But just because it's thankfully worked out well for him doesn't mean I can't understand why other ND kids and their parents would prefer them to be not too far away. I've read several times about autistic students have really struggled and ended up dropping out or moving to their local uni.

@SilverPinkI spoke to quite a few of my DDs friends about their choices. All the parents in her friendship group are helping with accommodation costs. It was really just a case that there was no Southern city they identified with other than Bristol or London. They have all happily travelled around Asia and happy to adventure but they just think they ( apart from London or Bristol) are boring. The myth is not busted once they meet the students at Northern universities who seem to concur with that view. My dds just flatmate told her she thinks her hometown of Southampton isn’t that exciting.

@thankgoditssaturday I guess Bath and Exeter aren’t that exciting. Depends what exciting means. From what I’ve seen, northern style going out probably isn’t available in Bath.

What is northern style going out? How does it differ from southern going out?

Wearing coats mostly (we don't up here)