Current Oxbridge students - new year, new thread

[TenSheds]

Fresh new thread for Oxbridge parents group therapy! With freshers moving in and existing students returning, reckoned someone ought to take the initiative so there's a home for all the news, blues and reviews.

The last continuation thread filled up before anyone set up a new one so hopefully existing and new Oxbridge parents find this one.

@HoneyButterPopcorn do try and build in a few treats for yourself - sounds like life is tough right now and that is inevitably going to be hard. Can you meet up with any of your own friends even for a coffee?

Thanks @Jujaand and @MonGrainDeSeland @Malbecfan - it’s just harder than I imagined!

I don’t really like change and this has thrown me for six. I don’t think my health problems and this bloody medication is helping but this too will pass…

We spoke last night - DH called and handed me the phone (I didn’t want to make the call - I guess incase I got a brush off ‘I’m busy!’) but he was actually pleased to speak for half an hour and sounded… well really really happy. Actually he sounded a bit ‘different’ (ever see Harry Enfield when Kevin the Teenager got a girlfriend and went from ‘ooofffff nooooo muuuuuummmmm’ to ‘good morning, mater, I trust you slept well last night. Would you like a cup of tea…?’ so I do wonder if he’s met a girl…!

He absolutely loves the place, the course, his flat, the campus (it is lovely), his new friends… all the activities (their SU sounds brilliant and they have their own bar on campus which always has ‘something on’ so they can’t get lonely). He says the difference between this and his last uni is night and day (says students love their subjects and everyone is really friendly - they don’t just moan all the time and look for things to be offended about).

He really likes his tutors… talking about doing a further course afterwards. He says he regrets not pushing himself at school in A-Levels (he did really well but think he lacked confidence to apply) and going there first, but I told him maybe it just wasn’t right for him then but is now that he’s a little older (mature).

I have no right to feel sad - he’s bloody well enjoying life and has a spark I’ve not seen in him in a while!

Still feel sad and lonely today! Stuck in the office myself (where is everyone??) and trying not to feel old and on the scrap heap. Need to give my head a wobble. How do people do it??

@HoneyButterPopcorn I get it, I really do. I'm having an unproductive day at home and am ready to throttle someone. I retired from teaching at the end of the summer term, but am meant to be doing a couple of hours of instrumental teaching each week. Well, I would if the bloody school would extract its digit from its orifice and actually put them on the calendar that the kids and I can see. I was meant to be in today, but nothing on the app so I refuse to do a 30+ mile round trip for nothing. I am trying to sort something out for a local group that I volunteer for as the treasurer. One of the others is absolutely lovely and a right laugh; as in lots of such groups there is a degree of bitching and backstabbing, which I cannot be bothered with, so this lady and I moan a LOT to one another.

It is really hard once they start the postgrad work; with undergrads, especially at Oxbridge, the terms are short and they can come home if that works for everyone. Once they are a postgrad, there may be teaching/supervising during the undergrad terms, so their research gets pushed back more into the vacations, meaning you see them a lot less. Now I'm home most of the time, I miss my 2 more than when I was distracted with work. I am hoping to go and visit them, if I can persuade elderly disabled father that he wants to be dragged over there.

So what helps? We have 2 family WhatsApp groups that I know of, one is for the DDs and me, and the other includes DH. I put memes or random funny things on there. If they "heart" or "thumbs up" it, I know they are alive and ok. It's also a good place to discuss arrangements for e.g. Christmas, although for the 3rd year in a row, DD2 won't be home as she has to work. Last week I asked them when they would be free for a call and it was nice to talk to them both. I gave a few options and they chose the one that was best for them.

Once you can rationalise it, remind yourself that you have brought up a successful and kind young man who is making his own way in the world, taking advantage of the amazing opportunities that C has. Feel free to PM me if you want a moan.

I know i shouldn’t moan - I have no right!

One friend’s kid went over to the other side of the world ‘for a visit’ and met the love of his life - so is working on how to get residency, and another lost their child to suicide a couple of years back, and another can’t see his kids because his ex has gone absolutely batshit… so I have NO right to moan, really I don’t. But I can’t help it. Bah.

Hi all asking for some advice. DD just started at Cambridge and trialled for the dance team. Found the auditions very intimidating and unfriendly and competing against current members who were all friends. Didn’t get a place and is gutted and doubting her abilities and self worth . Danced all her life competitively. You can win them all but wondering if anyone else has had this - looking for solidarity really . Thx

She should set up her own team. DS wanted to set up a specific club based on his course subject and interest and the college was really happy to help him. You will always meet jerks in life, you learn from this! Brush it off, head high…

There are lots of dance teams @cambridgeworriedmum . My DD did ballet and tap from the age of 3 but didn’t have time for dance when she went to C. However, following COVID, she got into acrobatic rock & roll and won trophies for that - I call it cartwheeling to Queen. The group seemed to be really friendly.
Maybe look slightly lower in standard and join those who are there for fun. There’s plenty of time down the line to join the elite groups. Have fun first.

DD has not been paid her maintenance loan yet. Her flat mates have all had their loans come through. She had a letter from the SFE on 25.09.2026 saying there was a technical issue updating her national insurance number in the system but not to worry and to take no action, all would be paid in time. She has written to her college to confirm that her tuition has been paid.

Is anyone else in this position?