Current Oxbridge students - new year, new thread

[TenSheds]

Fresh new thread for Oxbridge parents group therapy! With freshers moving in and existing students returning, reckoned someone ought to take the initiative so there's a home for all the news, blues and reviews.

The last continuation thread filled up before anyone set up a new one so hopefully existing and new Oxbridge parents find this one.

Thanks for your response.

Will that not hit their confidence if they ranked one of the lowest in the cohort. Although it’s not public, but won’t they feel like they’re one of the weakest in the class.

Or put themselves under undue pressure to compete against others.

It is tough at Oxbridge - everyone has been a big fish in a small (school) pond so it can be a shock to have been "the best" and then find you are fairly average. My son got stellar A levels but then struggled with being middle of the cohort by the end of Y2. Personally, I think if you have a child who is likely to struggle with this aspect, then it may be that a highly competitive academic environment, with supervisions where you are put under constant pressure/scrutiny way not be the best fit..On the other hand, it could be the making of them, and they thrive....! (My younger three are much more laid back and one has had anxiety issues in the past...none of them wanted to apply after seeing how hard their sibling worked - and how much pressure he put on himself.)

Thank you for the response.

Yes, definitely worth considering. She maybe will find that a good challenge to aim as high as she can, but it’s more of me thinking - for a course like medicine where once you graduate, everyone is a doctor anyway regardless of whether you were top of your class or now, 6 years of competition for ranking might be a bit much for her.

Medicine is hard and intense in any university, dealing with a ‘position’ might be added stress.

she really does love the university though. So I don’t want to make a decision based on assumption.

I hope I can get an opportunity before application to actually speak to one of the medical students to get their opinion about the reality of the rankings

I don't know if this is still relevant and as a complete aside - my brother is a doctor (well surgeon now!) and didn't consider Oxbridge for medicine...he said it was too theoretical and there are (he felt) courses which are a bit more hands on and 'modern'. However, I'm sure there will be those on this thread with far more recent knowledge and that may all be historic nonsense....he did have a place a C for a different path, but changed tack so it's not sour grapes 😉)

It’s true that it is a different approach for medicine. DD enjoyed having 3 years of being a ‘normal’ student. But she’s also enjoying her time on placement now.

She’s never talked about ranking as an issue. She did very well in her first year and since then has just been getting on with it. Loads of them failed an anatomy exam at the end of third year but it didn’t seem to cause a lot of stress.

Thank you so much to those of you who replied to my message about my DS having a hard time.
I think the main message is that he really needs to speak to someone at Oxford and try to get some support. He is very resistant to this, but we'll keep on working on him until he leaves for the new term.
I really appreciate the good wishes and also the understanding.

@Longmanbill my DS who had some mental health issues at Oxford was very resistant to accepting support - eventually he asked from some help but didn't really engage with it and it wasn't until his third year he was willing to open up. He has since acknowledged that he wasn't ready but has found counselling most helpful.

Parenting can be hard - I found the 19-22 years old stage particularly difficult with DS. Now at 24 he is settled and delightful but after thinking I'd got away with an easy teenage years 13-18 the late teens / early 20s were tough.

Sorry to hear about your son's difficulties, Longmanbill. I was in his position at the end of my first year at Oxford (Chemistry) and ended up leaving to do something completely different at a different university. It was just the wrong course for me. I hope he manages to work out a good way forward, whether carrying on with what he is doing or in another way. I was so much happier doing something else. It wasn't Oxbridge that was the issue - I quite liked the environment and teaching, I just hated the subject especially the massively increased Physics and Maths content.

We are preparing for DD's first year at Oxford, and I wondered whether anyone more experienced had any advice about what to take with her. She has bedding, towels, cutlery, crockery, an over door airer for drying clothes and stationery. Most of the student packing lists elsewhere focus on kitchen stuff and she won't have one, though she will have access to a kettle, microwave and toaster. Is there anything we are missing that would be useful?

Sounds about right @MonGrainDeSel- I’d go for a ‘less is more’ approach. She can pick up anything she needs as she goes along. DD loves her soft furnishings and took nice fleecy blankets and soft cushions. A vase is maybe more helpful than a plant - she seemed to get bought flowers a lot and killed all her plants.

We did get a nice soft bedspread in sort of quilted stuff so hopefully warm. Cushions might be a good idea. She has bought herself a vase shaped like a soy sauce bottle which I don't think will hold very many flowers but I guess she will find out if she needs another. Definitely not expecting her to keep a plant alive based on current performance. Maybe a cactus!

Thank you!

Glasses for wine/beer/water if you haven't got any. A bottle opener. Other than that, I can't think of much else.

Bottle opener is a very good idea. Thank you!

Anyone whose DC has gone to Brasenose? Looked round today and as far as we understand no kitchens in main college (even teeny ones with microwave)? Any info appreciated

@MonGrainDeSel My daughter got a lot of use out of those glasses that can be used for water, cola or wine - very versatile. Like wide bottom lowball glasses.

As others have said, less is more, especially if you are vacating every term. We got the bare minimum and then she bought items she needed as she settled in. Saying that, you can also never have enough teaspoons...

I did end up making a door light/draft-excluder for DD as there was a gap under her door that let in a lot of light and it was the one thing she raved about making a real difference - sometimes you don't know until you are in the room.

DD also took some familiar items from her room at home to make her college room less alien, it did help a lot.

DD never had an iron but did have a steamer, helped a lot with her gown to refresh it, and also formal dresses.

Looking on WIWIKAU (as many of the other universities started sooner) I started to panic as the photos on there of the glamoured rooms were insane, we would have needed an articulated van and lorry to take enough stuff back and forth so what DD went with was very 'basic' but then focusing on a combination of essentials and familiar.

I would add that now she is back home after three years at Uni, we have less to try and incorporate back into the house before she eventually moves out, so it all works out.

Thank you very much! All info/advice appreciated. The glasses she has are definitely multi-use so that is good.

DD is at a different college @Worried56 but it's the same for her. She has plans for various microwaveable lunches/breakfasts or things you can make with a kettle and toaster.

There is a gadget you can get to make toasties in a Microwave @MonGrainDeSel- I think you can get them at Lakeland. DD had one.

https://www.lakeland.co.uk/products/lekue-standard-microwave-grill

On the home furnishings front, DD took a rug - something personal, removal, easy to fit in the car, and cosy for early morning toes. Hers happened to be a rag rug made by a crafty relative, so had an additional layer of home comfort. She used command strips for posters etc but also had a massive corkboard which was adorned with photos and battery powered fairy lights.

The microwave toastie maker looks great.

DD has been told she is not allowed a rug or command strips. But fairy lights might be nice!

Thanks everyone!

DD had a mattress topper which stays there all year and a mini fridge which again stays there all year but varies by college who allows what. She only has the mini fridge as she uses a lot of fridge space with sports drinks.

I would say take the minimum and buy as needed as you may well be moving it every term and they add random things to it anyway.

DD has a small fridge in her room, apparently. I think we will wait and see if a mattress topper is needed before purchasing.

Thanks!

DD had a mini fridge in her room and used the college Duvets and pillows as they were good quality and housekeeping were good at swapping out pillows if she wanted a softer/harder one. The college operated like a hotel in vacations so the bedding was generally good. A few less things to take back and forth!

DS had a mini-fridge last year. The frepper who helped him move in was seriously put out and kept saying 'You've got a fridge!' 'I've never seen a room with a fridge!' 😅

That's great they have a fridge already @MonGrainDeSel and its probably worth waiting re mattress topper. My old college when I have gone back and stayed overnight the beds are very basic and its like sleeping on a campbed plus a few wires but other colleges rooms seem more like a premier inn standard. I was surprised about her taking a fridge and it wasn't that mini either but her college allowed it and its all those awful protein drinks that go in there.

We've just had a call, come and get all my stuff and possibly me, possibly not me, on Monday or Tuesday before I go on rowing trip abroad. Love the way she thinks we have nothing else to do so needs to give no notice. Will go of course.

Haha!

She's very lucky to have a fridge that isn't shared. I remember well the horror of shared fridges!