Uni starters 2025/26 all welcome

[NCTDN]

Following on from a year 13 support thread, thought this might be nice to ease us into their new chapters. We had a lovely one for my older DC so created this to help us navigate everything!

Thank you!

We are lucky that we are not too much of a drive away so arriving before 10 and twice termly trips should be possible.

So visit to DD took an unexpected turn.

I was to go on my own but DH decided to join last minute (a few days before and DD informed).
DD’s swollen eyes when she greeted us immediately betrayed something was not right. Turns out her boyfriend has broken up with her (on Valentine’s Day! - she hasn’t said a word about it over the phone) and she is crushed.

Had I known beforehand I’d have come without DH. Or even better - bought her a ticket to come home for the weekend.

DH is lovely but I could tell she felt she needed to entertain us both and be all good to the detriment of her own present feelings and state of mind.
She was trying her best but was unable to summon her usual enthusiasm and the mood was heavy. She is devastated and at one point let the tears rolling down her face and admitted she doesn’t know how she’ll cope. We were trying to cheer her up, took her for a meal, took her shopping but she just nibbled and although seemingly liked some things in shops didn’t want anything bought in the end. Not interested in anything.

I left with a heavy heart. And the whole situation has been playing on my mind since. Couldn’t sleep.

It was all predictable in a way as they went to different cities. But it’s her first proper boyfriend and they’ve been over a year together so thought they had a chance to last a bit longer?

We’ve all been there of course and I very much remember my first boyfriend break up and how much it affected me.
I took a long time to heal, so maybe that’s why I am so so terribly sad for her and worried.
And at a loss how to help her. Can I actually do anything to help?

Am probably over invested and should take a step back, let her heal etc etc but I’m aching for her so much right now.

I am also concerned that it’s going to affect her studies. She’s got 3 or 4 big assignments ahead of her and the course is a demanding one.

I’ve been trying to warn her delicately for some time as could see her bf commitment waning and his repeated mean behaviour towards her told me he really did not care any more and wants a way out.

But of course she’s been wearing a rose pink tinted glasses of first love and couldn’t see it for the love of God.

Apology for a long pouring out post on a Sunday morning.
If anyone has any words of wisdom I will appreciate it a lot.

DH is DD’s father (perhaps it wasn’t clear in my post) just not very much emotionally
adept to offer help and support, that’s why I thought it would have been better if it was only me visiting. But it is what it is, we both went and both returned sad.

My DD tends to tell me everything about the girls in her lat and their relationships and it’s mind boggling how badly some of these boys are treating the girls. There are some lovely boys but they are just friends. One of her girlfriends has missed so much uni because this boy she is seeing demands her time, uses her for lifts and sex it seems and every time she thinks she will break up he decides he’s going to take more interest. It’s awful hearing it and I’m sure her mum would be worried too 😢

Oh no, that sounds really tough. Your poor DD. When does her term end? Presumably she only has a few weeks to get through and then she can come home for a bit of love. Can you send her a care package or something so she knows you are thinking of her? A Starbucks card or some other little treat? Could she come home next weekend maybe?

My DD is also going through a break up and, although it was instigated by her, is pretty upset. I am delighted quite honestly. He was not a nice boy at all.

Oh your poor dd, will her uni friends / flatmates support her though it. I know what you mean about DH maybe not being quite what she needs mine would be the same. Maybe a few treats by post, chocolate , self care stuff to show support? Dd deep in with her 1st boyfriend , he is lovely but as they house share now and will do next year i do worry about this. I'm hoping hes one of the good ones. Huggs to u both

Thank you ladies for kind words.

DD is finishing end of month, so indeed not many weeks before she’ll be home for the Easter break. It’s just so distressing right now.
I’ve decided to perhaps call her more often, especially over the weekends as during the week she will be hopefully busy with studies, and chat about trivial things to take her mind off it. Alternatively, offered to get her train tickets if she would rather spend weekends home and not alone in her room.
She has made some new friends there but not many, virtually just one or two. Sadly, didn’t listen to my advice to make a bit more effort to meet people and not spend every single weekend exclusively with her boyfriend.

We brought her some home made food and a few treats but I’ll think of something to send her anyway.

I’m thinking a lot about it and worry that once they are back home for Easter/ summer he will show an interest in her again, out of convenience and she will not be able to resist it.

Anyway, thanks for advice and congratulations to your DD @BonjourCrisette. It’s wonderful news.

Thank you, @CloudSimilar.

I guess now is the time for your DD to try and make some new friends. I had similar conversations with mine when she was constantly going off to visit her boyfriend last term and the start of this term. I'm happy she's now booked to visit some schoolfriends at other universities - your DD could do something like that if she has a good friend somewhere else? It would be nice for her to talk to a friend about it all.

Oh @CloudSimilar it's awful when they're low isn't it? It sounds like you have a really close relationship and I'm sure that's going to help her get through this. Just let her know you're there for whatever she needs. Hopefully the work will be a distraction for her.

Thank you @Twistedfirestarters .

She’s a smart, sensible girl, but boys can mess up with your head at this age.
But I do hope she will find the strength to conquer the sadness and will apply herself now even more to her studies.

@BonjourCrisette - great idea to visit friends. They are all up north so perhaps even easier to travel between those cities than weekend home visits.

So sorry to hear that @CloudSimilar . She will get over it, but it's a painful process - and I understand your worries about what will happen over Easter.

I think the best thing she can do is really try to throw herself into uni life and make friends - it's really not too late at all. My ds met his now girlfriend in the summer and discovered they were both going to Nottingham - they spent a lot of time together last term and at Christmas ds said he slightly regretted that he hadn't really made any close friends, because he'd spent so much time with her. Anyway, we saw them both on Saturday and they've both made a big effort since January to meet new people. They're both really enjoying this semester and feel like they've made 'proper' friends. So it's still early days for your dd, there are plenty of people out there looking for friends, and if she can focus on friendships at uni, it will take her mind off things too.

Going to visit friends elsewhere is also a great idea.

Thank you @crazycrofter for sharing your story about your DS and girlfriend meeting new people.

That’s what I told her yesterday over the phone - that it’s not too late and she needs to put out herself a bit more, take interest in others around her and engage more with her flatmates.

Hopefully she will listen and if not make friends immediately, at least expand her social circle.

Fingers crossed! My dd is year 4 now and has made lots of new friends every year she's been at uni, so it's never too late!

DD is still making friends at the same rate as September so definitely not too late!
DS was with his girlfriend until December so didn’t meet many early on (plus still living at home). He’s now got a strategy of hanging out with friends in their accommodation so he gets to know flatmates too: he says his circle is expanding rapidly!

@CloudSimilar I am so sorry to hear about your DD's heartbreak. It's just rotten, isn't it? But I am sure she won't struggle to extend her social circle if she can be brave enough to put herself out there. My DC1 is certainly still meeting people and trying new things. She was encouraged by a friend from halls to go to a drama thing for the first time last week, and now has a teeny tiny part in a play for next term, but more importantly a brand new circle of people to go for a drink with.

Hello everyone and hoping all you DC are safely back home for a long restful Easter break.
The meningitis outbreak was awful and very worrying.

My DD is home now but sadly not coping very well with the break up of her relationship and it’s not going to be a very happy Easter.

I have booked a trip to Portugal for a change of scenery so hopefully it’ll provide some distraction. My worry, however, is for later, if she’ll be able to pull enough strength after return to uni and concentrate on her studies.

Hence my question: what if she flunks her exams? Will she be able to proceed to next year? Will she have to resit them? And when are the results known?
It is a bleak scenario and I do hope it won’t materialize but I would rather be prepared for everything.

Apology to burden you all with it just before Easter but the whole situation has also made me rethink our summer plans.
Before, I assumed she and her bf would go somewhere together, would both have some internships/work planned, and we’d go together somewhere later in the summer.
Now I guess we must account for all possibilities.

I wish you all a lovely restful Easter break with your DC.

@CloudSimilar I am sorry to hear that your DD is struggling, although it's very understandable. I think universities vary a lot in terms of the processes if a student does not successfully pass an assessment, but most offer at least one opportunity to resit each module/course. My alma mater publishes the two week window for resits at the start of the year, so you might even be able to google that if you're looking to avoid being away then.

Do you think your DD would feel comfortable approaching the university counselling/advice/welfare service for some additional support when she returns?

Thank you @TheTurn0fTheScrew. I will try to find some info on her uni pages.

Re your other suggestion - knowing DD she’d probably be reluctant to reach for help and would be quietly hurting in solitude. But I will try to talk gently with her about it.
I do hope though that the next couple of weeks at home and with us and some friends will help her with this heartbreak process and maybe it won’t be that bad when she returns to her uni. Fingers crossed.
Thank you again for your advice. I do appreciate it a lot. ♥️

@CloudSimilar poor DD must be tough. Happened to discuss resit senario with DD yesterday, as she had disaterous a levels so wanted to be more prepared. Her uni too has published the resit weeks on the web site. You can resit everything once. Does she have a support network at uni other than the ex who she can reach.out too over rhe holidays and maybe plan some low key coffe, nights out on her return?

Thank you @jamimmi - I’ve checked now resit dates too and feel more prepared.

She has 2 close friends there, one girl from her flat (small flat, only 5 of them and they haven’t really gelled together) and one other from high school, but not a wider circle of people as far as I know.
I will try to talk to her and suggest reaching for support with academic side of things if she finds things difficult after return but I know she will feel too proud and at the same time too shy and might not recognize the need for it.

I can only hope she can draw from her work ethic as she’s always been an excellent student, shelf the sad thoughts and apply herself to studies. But we shall see.

It’s just taken us all by surprise and I am also finding it difficult as the mood is affecting everyone and as I said, all plans must be adjusted.

And I thought that when she goes to uni it’ll finally be much more quiet, drama free easier time…

Still..
Happy Easter everyone🐣🐣

Hello, hope everybody’s uni kids are doing ok and looking forward to finishing first year!

Looks like I’m posting here mainly with problems…
DD more cheerful, going away helped, ex boyfriend memory more less successfully stored away.
But! Another issue has arisen…
DD and 3 others signed a contract last Nov for a house next year. All good. Jan 26 one girl dropped out of uni so out of contract too.
They seemingly found a replacement, she was keen, contacted the agency, but did not commit in the end. Then they found another girl, to cut the story short she’s now also flaked out.
Today, I receive the email from the agency saying they have cancelled the contract.

I haven’t even spoken to DD yet ( busy with lectures etc), but I’m totally surprised.
I thought the girls would be able to find someone eventually by June; or come to worst - share the rent in 3 at the start until they find someone.

Can anyone advise? What are their options?

@CloudSimilar that sounds unusual, maybe check with your DD as maybe they have decided to cancel? Hope you find out what has happened and your DD sorts out accommodation for the 2nd year.

I can’t believe 1st year is almost over! DC feeling really overwhelmed as has loads of exams coming up and is struggling with the change of returning to uni after the Easter break.
I have another DC at college who will be starting uni in Sep, that will be 3 of them at uni at the same time 😬.

Hope everyone’s DC’s have settled and are looking forward to the summer hols.

Thank you @Holidaytimeyay .
I’ve spoken to DD, no they haven’t cancelled, she says the cancellation email refers to the first replacement girl.
But I’m puzzled as it is clearly titled to me as the guarantor of DD letting me know that XX Lettings has cancelled the contract for the property.
I will be calling them today to find out.

It is particularly unsettling as if correct the girls are left without a place and at the worst time ever.
They all have exams, DD still licking her wounds after break up with boyfriend, and putting all her efforts to get back on track with heavy workload at this last stretch.

It’s gone so quickly, agree @Holidaytimeyay .

Wishing good luck to all our uni starters.

Given the new Renters Rights legislation that is coming in on 1 May, it COULD be that they are issuing a new contract?

It makes sense for you to phone to see what is going on.

@CloudSimilar hope that you got it sorted today and that they still have their house 🤞.
It’s a very stressful time with all the exams going on atm.