Uni starters 2025/26 all welcome

[NCTDN]

Following on from a year 13 support thread, thought this might be nice to ease us into their new chapters. We had a lovely one for my older DC so created this to help us navigate everything!

We took DD back yesterday and it was really difficult. She was very tearful and said exactly what @MargaretThursday said about none of the excitement of when she started. She knows what she’s letting herself in for! She did make some nice friends and seemed happy there (it was the course and the uni she’d dreamt of going to) but the January return is quite staggered and people are coming and going with exams. She did as we suggested and told her flatmates that her friends aren’t around and to let her know if they don’t mind her tagging along with what they are doing, and she is signing up to the running club and also the gym (and plans to use this quiet week to try out the pool, treadmill etc). And her one friend who will be around has suggested pottery painting which has cheered her up a bit. Exam today and lectures start again next week. Hope she feels settled soon. It was so lovely for all of us to have her home for Christmas so it is difficult to disrupt that cosiness.

We've gone for a possibly short-term plan B, which is that DS stopped at end of last term (meant we only had to pay 25% of tuition fees, would have gone up to 50% if had gone back this term, and at his uni we could get out of the accommodation too, I know some make you pay the whole year even if you leave) and has just signed up for Open University to see how that works out. You effectively only have to commit to one module at a time so if it works out then he will plan to do his degree that way, but it it doesn't it will be plan B (as yet completely unformed), but at least the OU module will give him some structure whilst he works out what's best. It's not ideal in that uni is also about learning to live independently, but being back home is currently what's best for his mental health.

@AliMonkey I'm sure your DS has made the right decision for him. It's good that he can do things in a graded fashion with the OU. And if he decides that he wants to try medication and/or talking therapies to improve his mental health he will be at home where he has that additional support.

@AliMonkey Bravo to you and your son for making a decision that is right for right now.

I have been reading all of your messages about children who are unhappy at university. I have two at university and it seems so much more difficult that when I went!

If it is at all helpful, my son dropped out and reapplied through clearing - he got the course he wanted and in fact could have had a few others he considered. It was insanely stressful at the time - but it has worked out well.

My daughter was struggling with so many things, being lonely, struggling with the teaching, not seeing people she loves every day (yeah - that broke me). We had long talks (after many tears), DH convinced her to see the university counsellor who helped change some things for her (but not as much as we wanted), we found some activities that she could go to, to find more of her 'tribe', which helped because she didn't find kindred spirits in her halls. She also talked to someone from her course, which reassured her slightly (which is a long way from fixing - 'I can not imagine doing this for 4 years and getting a job in it afterwards' - but is a first step).

I am torn apart now that they have both gone back as I know the mask I get on the phone / video is impenetrable and I can not visit to see them face to face to reassure myself that they are really OK.

In both cases, I think the pastoral care at both universities has been entirely inadequate.

And I have one more to go = what will that ride on the rollercoaster bring?

Happy New Year all. Not been on this for a while as DS has had a mental health crisis, stemming from his seizures becoming more frequent. DS was diagnosed with epilepsy in December 2024 (following a health emergency in May that meant he didn’t sit his A levels that year due to memory loss but instead retook year 13) but it has been tricky getting a meds regime that worked. Prior to going to uni in September, he would have breakthrough seizures every 3-4 months, but last term had episodes in October & November. They are always multiple tonic clonic seizures so always an ambulance job. Unfortunately he had an episode on Christmas Eve back here, & also an accident where he tripped & bruised his face badly a week later. The consequence was a mental health crisis in early January where he felt so anxious about going back to uni & being in a room on his own that he felt he couldn’t do it. The university have been really supportive, & the outcome is that he has been granted an Interruption of studies, & (if well enough) will return in September to retake year 1. He is upset about it (partly because he’d already done the extra year at school) but it does feel like the right thing in order to focus on his health for the next 6 months. It’s such a shame as he lives his course & the city but hopefully can pick up again later this year. He is on an additional anti seizure med which we hope will help & knowing that he can return without any issues will hopefully help his anxiety.

Sorry to hear other DCs are struggling with health issues too @AliMonkey the open uni sounds a good option & we could consider that too if things don’t play out. Tough times.

Happy New Year!
I'm sorry to hear of the health and other issues that DC are dealing with. Its good to hear that they are tending to prioritise the steps that are best for their health. That seems to be the most important thing. Returning to studies when the time is right sounds better than just pressing on and having an eventual crisis.

Sorry to hear about the illnesses some have experienced. My DS headed back early so he could finish some essays.
It was nice to see him over the holidays.
He has acquired his first girlfriend at 19. I try not to ask too many questions.😁

Oh @legosnowqueen your poor DS. He's absolutely doing the right thing taking some time to get the seizures under control but it must be so frustrating. I hope this extra medication works and he comes to terms with this setback.

Thank you @Twistedfirestartersit’s been tough on him (& us). He started counselling last week & goes again tomorrow, which I hope will help him process this. He also went back to his part time restaurant job on Saturday night, a month after his last shift, so getting a bit of structure & normality back which is good. By taking the formal break, there will be no tuition fees for the next semester & he is also released from the accommodation fees. We need to clear out his room within 28 days…that will be tough & he’s not told his flatmates yet. He is requesting the same room for September as the staff there were very supportive so hope that works out.

@legosnowqueen so sorry to hear that. Must be tough dealing with seizures at the best of times, so when away at uni is a lot to take in.
I’m glad the uni have been supportive- just shows how places can vary a lot. Maybe give them a shout out?

Sounds like, you, he and the uni are doing all the right things @legosnowqueen Here's hoping things look a lot brighter soon.

@NCTDNthankyou & certainly…it’s Uni of Manchester (Alliance Business School). They’ve been great from the outset, but particularly during the last few weeks.

Sorry to hear about your ds’ health issues @legosnowqueen- that must be so stressful for you all, but I imagine a bit of a relief to have him home? That’s such a lot to deal with and manage.

@legosnowqueensorry you are all going through this. My dd has also had a medical situation at uni. Resulted in ambulance etc. Thankfully that has settled and she feels better in term 2. You just have to take each day at a time don’t you?

that sounds so tough - starting uni is hard enough let alone being worried you are going to have a medical emergency! Has he considered one of those personal alarms you wear around your neck and pressing the button links to options (a call centre who asks if they need an ambulanced and sends one?or calls you?) I get he might not want to wear it all the time but maybe as a safety net in his dorm room?

when he sees the counsellor ask him to ask the counsellor if they will put in writing that it would be best for him if he moves back to his old room ... unis sen departments can ask accommodation departments to implement things specialists recommend.

sorry to hear of your DS's health difficulties @legosnowqueen . I really hope things are on a more even keel soon and he can pick things up again next year. I'm glad to hear that Manchester have been helpful. About a thousand years ago I used to work there on the pastoral side and I think back then it focused on pastoral care more than lots of other places.

Thank you everyone. Some great ideas. DS had another breakthrough seizure on Wednesday so definitely the right decision although he’s still struggling with it.

So sorry to hear about this, @legosnowqueen

It must be very difficult for both of you but it sounds like your son is being really sensible. I really hope things resolve well for him and you/he can get it all under control.

Just catching up on the thread @legosnowqueen I'm so sorry to hear about DS issues, perhaps when hes feeling more stable he will realise a year out then going back when well will allow him tinget the degree he deserves. One of DS friends trod a similar path and graduated this year with a 1st. I hope the councellor can help him reframe all this and dont forget to care for you as well as him!

My DD seems settled well. I miss her! Communication is the occasional phone call, interspersed with photos of food she’s cooked and drunken nights out 🙈. Despite not having met them I can recognise most of her friends!
is it wrong part of me wishes she missed me a little? (A bigger part is glad she doesn’t, but still…)

@Kittkats be greatful she phones 😂Dd's sole communication is by whats app, and never any photos! Seeing her tomorrow and will meet her new boyfriend. No idea what he looks like but do know his name. They have been together since the 2nd week so looks like its quite serious in student terms! I hold on to the fact shes loving life and is only an hour away.

@Kittkatsdo you not visit her? I’ve been a couple of times as have most of the other parents of girls she shares her flat with.

Reading with interests all your posts and realising how difficult it can be for some young people and parents.

My DD has returned to her uni, settled but I am not sure she is terribly excited about the whole uni experience/course.
Made some friends and they have already secured a house for the next year, so perhaps it is all going in the right direction and it’s me who is just too anxious and uncertain.
I wanted her to get some work but as she has a boyfriend at a different uni they spend weekends travelling to each other’s cities. I am disappointed she hasn’t tried a bit more to perhaps find something even for a couple of hours weekly. More for the experience even than the money.

Ah well… we never stop to worry about them.. do we..

Stop worrying - not stop to worry🤦‍♀️