Uni starters 2025/26 all welcome

[NCTDN]

Following on from a year 13 support thread, thought this might be nice to ease us into their new chapters. We had a lovely one for my older DC so created this to help us navigate everything!

So sorry to hear that @Twistedfirestarters . It’s difficult to try and get to the bottom of what is causing the unhappiness. It sounds like it could be the course, maybe he could look at other options as it’s still early days.
my oldest DC struggled all the way through uni and I worried constantly as she had already had MH problems. It was never the course though so that may be where you need to start discussing options with him.
I hope you get something sorted, it is so worrying and my eldest DC’s uni where not supportive at all when I contacted them about her MH.

My other DC seems happy at uni but does mask a lot. They are at Southampton as well, such tragic news about the death of the young student there. It is very worrying, that poor family, can’t imagine what they are going through, it’s horrific.

@NCTDN i hate now much pressure there is to sort a house in the first term when they're still settling in.

@Holidaytimeyay I can't help but catastrophise a bit and worry about the worse case scenario. Only on here and to myself of course, I'm being calm and comforting to DS.

@Twistedfirestarters I’m exactly the same.

Sorry to hear your son isn’t happy @Twistedfirestarters - would he consider trying to commute for a bit (I know accommodation will still need to be paid for) or if it’s the course, does he know what he’d prefer? Start again doing something else next Sept living at home maybe?

Sorry to others who might be having a wobble too.

My ds hasn’t sorted a house but seems very laid back about it and assures me there’s no rush in Sheffield. He’s not back there till early Feb so hope he’s right!

Your ds sounds very sensible @Monstermunchy . I'm not convinced that some of the urgency where my ds lives isn't led by letting agencies rather than actual shortage or demand for housing.

He is stressing about having paid a deposit for next year. I've told him not to worry about that. He can't stay somewhere that's wrong for him on that basis.

I've already told him to come home more if he needs to but yes, I might suggest commuting or semi commuting to see if he feels a bit happier. At least then he can be more sure of what it is that's making him miserable or the most miserable.

Thank you so much to everyone for your replies. It's been really helpful to 'talk' it through. I feel a lot calmer and like I have some good suggestions for ds.

I’m sorry your son is struggling.
When someone in my family feels a certain way but can’t work out what’s making them feel that way - I ask them to remember when they first had that feeling. Sometimes it goes back to recent times but at times it goes back even further … and then a feeling from the past is triggered by recent events. I have always found that if they can work out when they first had that feeling and where they feel it in their body (ie in their chest? Their head? Their stomach) they can work out what was happening at the time they had the feeling and what was likely bothering them.
Your son might like uni - but maybe he is worried he doesn’t love it or is worried about the future. But really the only way forward is for him to talk about what he is feeling and the likelihood of why he is feeling that way / what does he want to do about it.
My suggestion is you create an excuse to drive him somewhere (he needs to be in the front passenger seat) and then start asking him when he first had this feeling. People tend to open up more if they are a) stuck in a car and b) physically looking forward rather than at someone as in regular conversation. People access memories by looking up to the right with their eyes - so not facing someone allows the person to freely do this.

Thank you, some really good ideas there. He's very independent and drives himself most places but I agree with you about car journeys, I nearly got him to come to the gym with me earlier for that very reason but he bailed on me.

He is very reluctant to talk about his feelings so I have to tread quite lightly with him. If I push too much he clams up. He tends to open up, then retreat so I'm 'creating opportunities' for him to talk at the moment rather than initiating anything myself. He has said today that he has a friend in a other uni who's struggling. I'm glad he's talking to his friend (but also sad he's struggling as well). They have both agreed they will talk to their personal tutors which is a step in the right direction.

That's the good thing about London (the bad thing being the cost!). Too early to look for next year's house yet.

Sorry to hear of your DS's difficulties @Twistedfirestarters. I do think if your DS is low in mood, sleeping more and experiencing decreased motivation he should consider seeing his GP. And I think the idea of semi-commuting sounds worth exploring - it's an easy, no-risk change to spend Fri PM to Mon AM at home but might help him work out if being away is the problem or if it's more the course.

It's hard though, I think there's lots of external pressure to feel that university life has to be amazing, whereas it's fine if it's just ok.

On a different note, it's nice to "see" you @BonjourCrisette. I hope your DD's UCAS journey is going smoothly!

@TheTurn0fTheScrew Hello! Nice to see you too! I read the thread with silent support, but am mostly lurking since I don't have first hand experience of most of it. I do actually have first hand experience of doing the wrong course though, and I was definitely depressed as a result and should have gone to my GP as well as doing something about the course I hated much earlier. I spent the best part of two terms in bed not doing much at all and feeling horrible. I guess depression wasn't so well recognised in those days, and I don't think my parents really knew what to do about it! We are fortunate to be living in a time when this sort of thing is taken more seriously.

DD is doing fine with the UCAS process as well as working two jobs and doing a couple of evening courses in things she is interested in. She has definite offers from Exeter, Bristol, Sussex and Birmingham and she has had interviews for Oxford which she felt were OK (but how can you even tell) and a couple of weeks to wait for the decision. Fingers crossed - she is a little stressed out right now. I know your DC is at Oxford so might be picking your brains if DD is lucky enough to get a place. Once we have the final decision in, we'll go and see them all and see what she thinks. If anyone has DC at Exeter, Bristol, Sussex or Birmingham I would love to hear how they've found it and/or any tips.

Seems so long ago they were all doing GCSEs and stressing out about those!

@Twistedfirestarters I have a 1st yr DS who has had what I can only describe as a bit of a wobble this first term. He came home briefly in October and seemed fine but got flu / had a week writing an essay when he put himself under enormous pressure, followed by a completely socially empty reading week and he just fell apart. He stopped eating and was very emotional. He's improved since coming home for the Xmas break and we've booked in some visits home over the next few months to mitigate any repeats. I did suggest he talk to a GP / therapist but he flatly refuses. I am really hoping time and more interactions will improve things for him. He's naturally an introvert, doesn't drink, doesn't do sports.

@BonjourCrisette Brilliant that she has four offers so quickly! And all the best for the Oxford application outcome - can't be long to wait now .

@Twistedfirestarters
I’m sorry to hear about your DS, must be a huge worry for you. Sending you lots of hope that things improve for him.
DS2 is enjoying the social element of uni in his 1st year but not his course! I guess it’s too late to switch.
@TheTurn0fTheScrew
Did you switch courses in your 1st year or re-apply after it?

Did you switch courses in your 1st year or re-apply after it?

Was that for me with reference to doing the wrong course? If so, I left at the end of my first year. I took a year out, did two A Levels in completely different subjects in a year and reapplied for a totally different course. I was so much happier. The first course I did was a science one and it was very different from the A Level. I needed at least one more A Level since I was not going to apply for anything scientific and so I had to take more. It was a bit of a longwinded process but I was much happier in the end!

I'm so sorry your son is going through it too. It's difficult when there is no obvious route to finding your 'tribe' either. I hope things improve for him

My son went back yesterday and said he was actually happy about going back to halls and being in the city again. It's definitely the course that's causing issues for him. He's said he's going to find someone to speak to at uni about potentially moving to another course. Hopefully he does that and can move.

Had a few tears here tonight as we are taking DD back tomorrow and she has enjoyed being home.
It's really hard to strike a balance between being gently supportive and encouraging and also checking if she's really unhappy or just going to miss us.
I have said she can always come home regularly and message me in the day.
Will see how it goes.

Sorry to hear about all the back to uni issues.
DS had a lower molar extraction yesterday. Not great timing but he's waited a year!
His lectures start Monday but I am thinking of keeping him home Monday just to check he's healing ok - he's at uni just over an hour away and I just want to ensure things are on the correct trajectory before waving him off. Only issue is I can't easily get him back until Wednesday due to work.

DH thinks he's fine to go back today and I am fussing. I do get health anxiety around this kid as he has had 2 bouts of pericarditis and a condition where he had zero platelets and was bleeding from the mouth and nose.

Wwyd?

So either going back today or in the morning? There’s not much difference tbh so I’d let him decide.

Daughter returned a week ago. She was nervous but then has since joined Zumba and circuit classes, and is going to join the ski club. I feel like she’s starting to throw herself into university life more now.

I think going back for term 2 can be harder than starting.

First term, it's new, exciting and lots of expectation of a wonderful time.

Term 2 they it's onto the treadmill of work; they know they're not having that amazing time (maybe) and it seems a long way before the next long break.

Ds went back last week, but came home this weekend as we'd ordered a new laptop which hadn't arrived in time for his first week. He seems fairly chilled, but it's always hard to know with him.

No, today or Wednesday.

I hope your DS recovers soon @Millionsofmonkeys. I'm sure he'll make the right choice about how much rest he needs, and it sounds as though he's not tto far if he does misjudge things.

H has just dropped DC1 back. He said it was quite quiet - judging by the fact that the fridge was still turned off she was the first one back on her staircase. Term doesn't start until Thursday but it's a long round trip so it was today or get the train. She has exams from Thursday but they don't count towards her results, so effectively they're mocks. Good job really, as I didn't see an abundance of study going on when she was at home.

Hope everyone settles back in well.
And your son heals well @Millionsofmonkeys

DS isn’t back till 8th Feb - he’s got assessments rather than exams so he’s doing them here. He’s submitted one of three and seems to be working hard. Shame he’s not making more use of the accommodation we’re paying for though 😅

My son reluctantly returned to uni on Satuday. He realised he was at wrong uni pretty quickly when he stated in September.. his course was fine to start with but by December he was really hating it. He wants to leave his course/uni but there’s no clear plan B. He’s not even sure if he wants to apply for another uni - all he knows is he doesn’t want to be where he is and doing what he’s doing (his course). I’ve been worried sick about him. I may have to say to him he can leave his uni, think about what he wants to do..and apply for jobs or another uni through clearing (He needs to ask his school for reference so he won’t meet the normal UCAS deadline).

Just tell him to arrange leave of absence then he can take the time to look around and maybe do a course transfer into year 2 of a new degree so he doesn’t spend more than he needs to.