Uni starters 2025/26 all welcome

[NCTDN]

Following on from a year 13 support thread, thought this might be nice to ease us into their new chapters. We had a lovely one for my older DC so created this to help us navigate everything!

I’ve been up once, but generally when I offer she’s busy with friends! She does call home every 3 or 4 weeks (generally before/ after a night out with local friends!) as she’s only an hour away.

Thank you @BonjourCrisette& @jamimmiI hope the counsellor will help too. I’m not sure that DS has fully accepted the diagnosis, & being pushed back into a position of dependence on me & DH at 19 is hard for him & us. It’s been an eye opener for all of us how hard it is to get the meds right.

@Kittkats
We went to see ds yesterday. I told him (as we walked through the streets to get dinner) that I missed him, and did he miss me?
He said, "humph" with a smile. That means yes he does, but as sure as hell isn't going to admit it, especially out in the open. So I told him I expected a big hug right in front of the halls of residence before I went. I got another "humph". 🤣

She probably does miss you in a nice comfortable safe way, but is enjoying her independence.

And I do miss the dc, all three of them, being empty nesters for the first time in 25 years, but at the same time I'm quite enjoying the freedom not having them around too. I guess it's probably the same.

Just been to see Dd and meet the new boyfriend who is lovely ( bet his mums on here!) Life is full and lots going on for us both and it took.3 tries tonfind a sutiable weekend to pop home. I havent said I miss her she knows that but is very happy and settled so I'm not pushing. I find the less i contact her the more she contacts me.

I think they probably don't have time to think about missing us!

We visited ds (and dd - they're at the same uni) once last term, and we'll try to do so again this term. Ds started well at the start of last week (he only went back last Sunday) at responding to my messages, but I've had nothing since Wednesday. I'll probably try to give him a call if I see from his location that he's in his room at any point over the next few days! He's also got a new girlfriend and I think she takes up a lot of his time and energy..

Hello, lovely ladies, help me out please🙂.

Dd, all of a sudden, wants me to visit her.
Brilliant. But.. Do you stay in their accommodation if you visit your Dc?
Her halls allow visitors to stay overnight (up to 3 nights)- to clarify and she’s got double bed.

When I and DH went there earlier we did book a hotel but now I thought I could stay with her since it’s going to be only me this time.

What is the done thing? Do you do that or is it too cringy?

Personally, if your DD is in a hall I'd stay in a hotel. In DD's flat whenever one of their friend's visit they all tend to go out together to Spoons, all young people together.

I definitely think you'd cramp their style (unless of course you're willing to take all flatmates out for a slap up meal in which case they may welcome you with open arms!).

I would stay in a local travel lodge because in my dds accommodation they always have friends about and despite the fact they are lovely I would definitely cramp their style.

I'm going to stay overnight to see DC1 with DC2 over half-term - just booked a Premier Inn. Her accommodation does actually have a guest room but I thought although she's made encouraging noises about the visit, it might be a bit too close for comfort to have me wandering the same corridors. Plus if I stay in a hotel I can actually get parked.

Ok, thank you. The consensus is Not🙂..

I wouldn’t be actually wandering the corridors; they all have en suites and we would eat out rather than hang around in the kitchen.
Just thought it would be cosier and nicer to spend as much time as possible together.

But agree, it might be too awkward.

I'd say you only stay in their accommodation if they specifically invite you to.

If nothing else they're often quite keen to have a little space from their fellow students with a good excuse, and being able to say "Mum's here so I'm out with her tonight" helps.

If nothing else they're often quite keen to have a little space from their fellow students with a good excuse, and being able to say "Mum's here so I'm out with her tonight" helps.

Yes I agree with this ^. We can visit DD in a day trip so no hotel needed but she loves coming out for a meal with us and going for a walk along Morecombe seafront (and getting a shop at our expense!).

I.would agree.with not staying, visted.dd at the.weekend and was allowed downstairs 9nly as at 1pm the rest were asleep! @Sweetpeasaremadeforbees I congratulate.you on braving the Morcambe walk in winter its great in summer!

Ah jamimmi we reward ourselves with a meal at the Midland Hotel afterwards!

Haha, indeed.
I suspect a meal out and a shopping trip are involved in DD’s plans.

I know we have had alot.of students struggling with 1st year but I wanted to post a.positve update. Dd massivly failed her predicted grades and debated resitting alevels.( she just couldnt face it) or doing a new foundation year at her 1st choice uni. Just had her first exam marks back and she has smashed it, doing her confidence so much good. The year is slowly putting her back together post a very hard 6th form. To those struggling hang in there.

Fantastic outcome. It’s always great to hear these stories. Very encouraging.

All the best to your DD - hopefully she will smash it further with her growing confidence; and all the best to all our DC.

It’s not always easy for them and it’s a heartbreak for us parents to watch them struggle.
And thanks for those conversations. I find them really helpful.

Great to hear, @jamimmi! Well done to your DD on such a strong comeback.

@jamimmithat’s fantastic! Well done to your DD.

that's such a lovely update @jamimmi - you must be super proud

Hi @TheTurn0fTheScrew, hope all going OK for you. If you have any Oxford-specific wisdom, I would love to hear it. DD very excited to be studying there in the autumn.

Oh, that's brilliant news @BonjourCrisette. Congratulations to your DD! I don't think there's much advice I can give as so much is college specific - DC1 is at the one with the bridge.

One thing is that lots of the colleges turf them out over lots of the holidays, so press your DD for early information about whether she'll need a lift and when. We escaped this chore at Christmas, but have been advised that for Easter every scrap of her stuff needs to be moved out by 10am on the first morning after term finishes, which is a pain and takes a bit of planning.

And book club nights and bops early. Everything seems to sell out, and quickly, and you can always resell your ticket if you change your mind. We're in a much bigger city and things are a bit more spontaneous here, so DC1 missed out on a few things before she learnt to book ahead. Bring a driving licence or provisional as door staff are very hot on ID, and only accept a passport or driving licence. You wouldn't want to drunkenly lose a passport like DC1 did.

Fabulous news @BonjourCrisette well done tk your daughter.

Thank you so much, both of you.

Those are all good tips, @TheTurn0fTheScrew and I will pass them on! DD is at the college with a fountain in the front quad so we will have to seek out college-specific wisdom. Definitely a good idea about buying tickets early. We are in a big city too.

10am the day after term ends as a move out time is crazy! We will have to think about this. I'm going to get DD to make sure she finds out in plenty of time about this.

Tip for the fountain... Adding your gown and mortar board to the figure in the centre goes down badly with the proctors.

I was at the one with a sundial in the front quad.

We could apply for holiday time -if you were a scholar it was free too (I wasn't). I normally asked for an extra day because my parents could only come at the beginning and end of the year, so I had to cram my stuff into the storage room and it was easier to be doing it when it was quieter