Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

She's an adult, this is abuse. Why would you want to have contact with her if it's on these terms? That's insane, you're raising a narcissist if you keep this up.

She is beating you with a stick that you fashioned for her and probably began fashioning it when she was still of an age to have manners put upon her.

So, of course now it will be very difficult to deal with her.

You can either get another job to fund her, re-mortgage your house to fund her or take out a loan to fund her.

If you don't wan to do these things than you have to tell her that you can't afford it and she will either have to stop burning through the twenty thousand, choose cheaper accommodation or get a part time job.

If she doesn't want to that then she will have to stay at home, buy a sketch pad and wander about drawing buildings in the daylight with you at her side to chaperone her.

If she chooses this option, then she behaves in a civil manner, obeying your rules or she can design herself a house from a cardboard box and park it in the gutter in front of your house with a rape alarm attached to her neck.

I can't think of anything else other than the things I've outlined.

I don't understand what this has got to do with you to be honest. If she's doing a Masters, she's an adult in her early 20's at the very least. I did my Masters at 24 and it was completely organised and paid for by me. It was nothing to do with my parents. They had helped fund my degree which was amazing but I'd never have expected them to fund a post-grad.

Your daughter sounds incredibly entitled, and her "rape" cries are emotional blackmail and rather pathetic. She and the rest of us could be raped at any time, any place, it doesn't matter what bloody Halls she's in. Now, tell her to get a rape alarm and to educate herself on various tips for staying safe, like the rest of us women have to do.

If she cannot afford to fund her Masters, then perhaps she should spend a few years starting her career, then she can do a part-time Masters whilst she works full-time, which is what many people doing post-grads do.

When I was a student in Manchester, Fallowfield was student accommodation central. Always loads of students walking along Oxford Road.

I wouldn't give her anything. You saved up for a house deposit for her, which is a big thing, and she isn't respecting that money so I would leave her to get on with it on her own. If she doesn't end up doing the masters then that is her problem.
She's not being very nice to you and she's an adult so it's up to her to sort out her own funding and accommodation.

Stop spoiling her and stop enabling her. I'm sorry I know she's your daughter but she doesn't sound very pleasant at all. Has she always been spoilt? I wonder if you have overcompensated for the fact that she has a medical condition.

This too 👌

Whoa! She thinks that hosteling is safe, but is scared of being raped in Manchester?

Well it would be a damn sight cheaper wouldn’t it!

My worry is she is a degree collector with no real plans to work. I’ve heard of people who just stay in Uni/further education for as long as possible. With zero desire to get a job as they don’t want the responsibility nor the hours. She’ll be doing the masters. Then the PHd. Then probably a job in an academic institution which pays terribly 🤦🏻‍♀️

@EasternStandard absolutely - well enough to hop around travelling- then well enough to work to pay her way. OP, she’s taking you for a mug- and I think you need to lay it on the line- what next when she finishes- I’m only up for a 2 bed funky flat on my own in a very good area indeed and you will need to pay??

This thread is absolute madness. You’ve given her £20k and she’s bitching about the accommodation you’re also going to fund, whilst telling you you’re horrible and abusive?! You’re acting like a total doormat here.

How come she’s bold enough for solo travel abroad yet too timid to get a bus across Manchester then?

Goodness. I hate to sound old but the language the younger generation use really baffles me. It shouldn’t be normal behaviour to cut someone off.

@ElbowsUpRising I’m so sorry but she sounds a right madam - the fact you think she will take umbrage if you say no says a lot about her- personally I would give her sod all with that attitude

I went to Manchester Met uni from 2014-2018. The buses along Oxford road were great. Really safe and frequent. I never had any problems.

I lived in Fallowfield (a few miles south of city centre) in my second year, which is very studenty, rent in a house share was about £450 a month so had to get a bus to uni and into town. But back then it was only £1 fare. Not sure how much they are now but I know some Manchester buses are back in public ownership now?

If she’s doing a masters though, I would definitely try and encourage her to house share, use public transport as much as she can and if she’s well enough for a part time job.

Is £260 a week normal?

I would imagine not. My daughter did her Master’s in Manchester just before Covid, and was paying around £400 a month in a flat share not quite walking distance from the uni. She felt safe, got a bus pass and used that all the time. She is still in Manchester a few years later, living with her partner in a “nice” area a bit further out, they pay around a grand a month for a one bed flat. I think your daughter needs to re-think and be a bit more adaptable.

This is so ridiculous. She's using her house deposit money to funder her travels? Surely the only reasonable thing would be for her to use the money to pay for her university accommodation.

I'm usually quite supportive of parents helping out their adult children - you know, it's just nice.

But this is ridiculous. You're doing a tonne of research (that your DD should be doing) so you can tell her that in fact there are busses at night.

Unless there is local knowledge saying woman should never been out at night then she should take the usual measures when out.

It's pretty decadent for a student to say they don't want a house share, plenty of post grads share - it's not the same as the undergrad house shares.

Oh OP she sounds truly awful.
I know it’s hard but you have to be hard on her and tekl
her she has to subsidise herself if she is intent on spending hat amount of money. And I
if she can travel like that she is well enough to get a job. I worked all the way through my undergrad and postgrad (law so not easy) and it’s me reaping the benefits now. She is taking the piss.
If she then blocks you, so be it. She’ll come back when she needs something else.

Hang on.

So. She has 20k but she can't afford her accommodation?

She can't work but she can travel.

She is worried about getting raped in Manchester if she stays is accommodation that isn't luxury, but isn't worried about her safety while she is travelling (unless she is staying in the ritz in these countries).

She is quite the conundrum isn't she?

OP, I don’t think Masters student finance is means tested. My son had a set amount which he had to use to pay his fees and accommodation from. It didn’t touch it and that was with a 25% Alumni discount. Double check the figures before you commit. Good luck!

I have a suggestion which is to look into working as a university halls sub-warden in exchange for free or subsidised rent. One of my DC did this in their integrated masters year (different subject but also full on with labs etc). The work comprised being on call overnight on a rota.

Mind you, if one of my DC acted so entitled I would be leaving them to their own devices.

Let her go. It's unlikely to be permanent and she sounds absolutely horrible at the moment. A taste of the real world can only improve her and hopefully she'll come back nicer.

Stop bankrolling this spoiled adult who is abusing your good will.

She doesn’t have to do a masters.. unless we could easily afford it, I wouldn’t be stretching myself to cover her living costs. She can go and get a job with a degree.

She'll be after the house you live in yourself if you're not careful.

I'm sure you know this: your money won't buy her love. The guilt tripping with the threat of rape is insane. I hope she eventually seeks the help she needs. But her cutting you off would be no great loss, would it? I bet she ruins family occasions and anything where she isn't the centre of attention. My sister is like that.

Can't believe she got away with max 2 months work experience! Did her new uni not ask for 12 months? Feels to me like she's picked a degree that will allow her to bum around the longest, without the intensity of e.g. medicine.

(On a related note, can people please look up the minimum 7 year part 1-part 2-part 3 structure of architecture degrees before commenting on it being a masters? It doesn't work like that. Cheers)

Maybe take this to the relationship boards. I think you'll get better help on how to grey rock her while still dealing with some financial responsibility for her.