Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

I think you should give her a hard no on this one and I doubt she will cut you off for good she cannot be a victim with no enemies

I think the answer to how the others fund it lies here :) they do not go globetrotting and work until the course starts to save money.

This is really sad OP but I don’t think the answer is to give in to being bullied by your DD in order to maintain the relationship.

It’s pretty outrageous she’s spending the money you saved up for her on travelling then demanding the most expensive accommodation.

I think you need to put a boundary down now and accept the consequences. If she’s not in touch for a while then so be it.

Either that or suggest family counselling as it sounds like there’s a lot going on here.

Manchester has all the problems of a major city but it’s not that bad! The architecture school is in the city centre, halls and private rentals around there will be very expensive as accommodation is at a premium round there.

Most students live outside of the city centre, from what I can tell mainly in fallowfield and withington although I’m way too old to be down with the kids! The city centre is probably more dangerous than those areas - there’s a lot of phone thefts in town and it’s always busy with young people if you’ve got bad intentions.

Was there a reason she didn’t apply for an integrated masters course initially?

Oh no just read your update about going travelling 🙈 If she’d rather go travelling than use the money to top up for her preferred accommodation or to work and save for 9 months, then that’s her choice.

Fwiw my dd did her masters and got a job to fund it she had enough of a loan to pay tuition and rent leaving around £8 a week she hustled her butt off and got work within a few days of moving in it was a short first month or two but she scraped by and now lives independently still working

This is WILD. After reading all your posts OP ... she's got the audacity to use £20,000 you saved for her to travel - when she should have used it for a house and is demanding you support her financially for a course. A simple NO would be sufficient. My mother would have said no and that would've been the end of it. It's ultimately upto her to save for another course , as a grown up in her twenties. Just say no , end of discussion. And she can move out too if she has anymore issues.

Tell her to take the loan she is entitled to and that you won’t be financially supporting her once she starts. I wonder if her apparently not being entitled to the loan was another one of her lies? You have really made a rod for your own back here.

Oxford Road is often listed as one of the busiest bus routes in Europe. They are going past every few minutes and operate through the night. It’s also a major cycle route with a sectioned off bike lane. It’s safe and enough traffic/people walking so she wouldn’t feel vulnerable. I live in manchester.

I don't want to derail this thread with a side issue but I know alot of architects, both those still in the profession and those who have left due to the strains of what is a competative job, and if she is burnt out from one year of work where she wasn't also paying her way then there is a worry she won't reap the benefits of her study with a long career. I

It might be time to let her stand on her own two feet and not be held to ransom, your further posts about her behaviour to you paint a picture of a very transactional relationship. Once she doesnt need you/your money she may disappear into the ether and that's incredibly sad.

You tell her that 20k was for a house deposit, if she's not spending it on that she needs to use it for uni accommodation you're not funding her gallivanting.

I took a gap year between 6th form and uni because my parents couldn't afford to fund me. I worked office jobs in the day and bar work in the evenings. I did go out with friends and I went on a one week cheap as chips holiday to faliraki with some friends 4 in a room! I saved as much as I could without being a hermit.

She's worked for 18 months , has saved nothing , refused to pay keep! Now she's burning the 20k YOU saved for her, being ridiculously rude and expecting you to give her another £15-20k to get her through another year at Uni. Good God.

Tell her none of the cool kids stay in the expensive accommodation. It is mainly foreign students who study all the time.
She’ll make much better friends if she opts for lower budget accommodation.

It's a Masters, why are you paying anything for her accommodation?

possibly for a while she might, but you can’t continue to have a relationship where you are bullied & manipulated.

it might do her good if you calmly step back and say

this is what is on offer and you’ll need to make up the shortfall to yourself. You have choices, travelling or luxury accommodation.

strange she can do hostels but not houseshare with her own room

@ElbowsUpRising she sounds extremely manipulative. Cutting off contact because you said no, threatening to cut contact again. Saying you’ll be responsible if she gets raped is abhorrent. You are in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship with your daughter.

She is making your relationship conditional on you funding her, eventually she will cut contact again. Even if you fund uni, she’ll probably demand more money for a house deposit, when you tell her she spent it she’ll cut you off. There will always be something, it’s not a healthy way to live. You might as well do this on your terms and save yourself going into massive debt. She might come around in time but this is likely an ingrained behaviour and, as much as it hurts, you need to stick to your boundaries and accept the consequences.

Wow what a nasty entitled brat she is. She's treating you like crap, refusing to pay rent, and travelling with the money you'd saved for her future. Shes blackmailing you that she will be raped in Manchester whilst now going off backpacking? She's too poorly to work whilst studying yet can somehow manage travelling? No wonder she doesn't get pip!

I feel for you as you're clearly loving but perhaps now it's time to stop trying as youve enabled this. She's treated you badly long enough. She is an adult capable of making her own decisions. Tell her she can use the 20k towards her masters but you aren't giving her a penny more!

She needs to learn some respect and get a serious wake up call

Wow, I'm sorry by you are being treated very badly here. She is an adult and if she wants the expensive accommodation, she should be working out how she can work and take loans to pay for it herself. Government help is available. It might be wise to suggest she gets a part time job for a year and saves up so she can afford the lifestyle she is expecting you to pay for for some reason.

It doesn't sound great the blowing a gifted house deposit on travelling. She is also old enough to pay her way in the home and should be prioritising that before going on her travels!

Bottom line, it sounds like you've given her an incredibly generous gift, and supported her to this point. At some point she needs to stand on her own two feet.

What accommodation she can afford is on her, not you. Obviously safety is important, so she could budget for safe transport if needed and/or make arrangements with friends - perhaps easier in a house share.

It sounds like you've been very generous and she is taking advantage of it.

I think she's walked all over you enough OP. When I did my masters degree I got a career development loan to help pay for accommodation and worked the full weekend at carphone warehouse at a high pressure sales job (sure my accomoadation was cheaper as it was £300 a month for a flat share, not including bills). I pretty much lived on cheap ramen noodles though. My Mum helped me out a little bit here and there but only with emergencies, like the odd top up food shop or my first pair of glasses.

Sure she might not be able to cope with that if she has medical issues but she sure as shit can't burn through £20k on holidays and then tell you to stump up £13k in accommodation. That is totally fucked. She's turning into a narcissistic manipulative madam with the emotional blackmail about rape too! If she was that concerned she'd use her thousands you've already given her!

OP you have to put your foot down here, her treatment of you is contemptuous. Xx Sending big hugs.

You’ve raised a spoiled brat

Er, no, just no.

I took the conversation with my DC in hand and explained to them exactly how much support I was prepared to give for Uni (& masters for 1). It is then up to the DC to work out how they spent that. Choice was essentially no work with cheap halls some spending or more expensive halls with little spends. Or work to top up. That decision was entirely not mine. (FYI I topped up min loan by £7k pa).

THIS👌

I stayed herein years 1 and 3 at Manchester (a long time ago) - https://www.manchester.ac.uk/study/accommodation/student-accommodation/search/whitworth-park/ Prices do not seem that bad https://documents.manchester.ac.uk/display.aspx?DocID=75393

Tell her if she wants to stay at the more expensive she can pay for it, if she doesn’t want to do that then she can stay where she can afford. She has 20k you said, so she can use her own money to fund herself.

Honestly it sounds like you need to decide if this is where you draw the line..
If not you risk funding her forever and she will never grow up.