Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

That’s a lot. Studeht child has been in Manchester for 3 years and not paid that. But they are in a house share

I mean … Amsterdam was a lot rougher in the late 90s too … Do you realise it’s nearly 30 years since the late 90s?

I lived in Manchester City centre until recently. Never a victim of crime in Manchester (though I have been in leafier, more suburban places). Buses are plentiful and frequent. Think if she has a disability she can get a discount on travel passes.

https://www.gov.uk/masters-loan/what-youll-get

Master's loan is about £12.5k btw. That's to cover course fees plus accommodation and living expenses.

I am sure she will know all about this already and have her application in hand!

Your daughter sounds very demanding. I don’t think safety concerns are the only reason she wants the more expensive flat. Do you? Really? She needs to get real and consider the impact her demands will have on your lifestyle.

Would it be feasible for the daughter to use the 20k for a flat deposit in Manchester and to get help towards the mortgage payments by taking in a lodger?

Tell her that £20k plus whatever she gets from student finance is hers for her part 2. You are otherwise out.
up to her to work it out.

You need the masters if you are studying architecture. You cant become an architect without it.

Absolutely this.
Fantastically well put.

She sounds like a conniving madam who has got you where she wants you, and has no qualms in stooping to emotional blackmail. Can’t work ….. but can travel for months. Yeah, right!

You need to let her sort herself out, because one thing is for sure, this won’t be the last tranche of money she extorts from you if you don’t.

Time for tough love.

Sorry but she sounds really unpleasant. I would tell her no, you’re not financing her accommodation. She should be saving the £20k to pay at the very least the difference between what you are prepared to fund and what she wants in terms of accommodation.
You have to take a firm stance to try and stop the bullshit entitlement.

I agree with this. And if she can’t work now, how will she support herself after graduation in a full time job? Is a degree the right thing for her?

Yes tell her she is getting no more money and as she obviously is going against your wishes the £20k is it and she can spend it on her final year or holidays but there is no more money from you guys for anything until you can see a more respectful and responsible attitude

I was a student in Manchester for 12 years. I wouldn’t want her to live in any of the halls that are super close to rusholme (hulme hall) or Victoria point. The route from the university south through fallowfield/ withington and the didsburys is one of the busiest in Europe. Its student commuter central. There’s a bus every few minutes. Fallowfield is UG party hell however it is full of halls- including (when I was there) PG halls. Most PG students I knew would have been looking at withington or the didsburys for a house share. The area direct to the university buildings isn’t that interesting a place to live/ until you get further down Oxford road towards the city.

Just tell her if she wants the expensive accommodation she will HAVE to work to find the money to pay the difference. She obviously thinks you will just pay it. It's up to yo to tell her that's not acceptable and what you will pay, if any.

I went to Manchester and although it was many years ago I know £260 a week is ridiculous. She needs to lower her expectations. A good life lesson all round imo

I think they do cutting off because they dont have tools to communicate, or the tools dont work their parents.

She has to choose - use the money to travel or use it to fund her Uni place - she is acting exceedingly spoilt. You need to insert very firm boundaries - this is the hill.

So you tell her she uses that for her choice of digs at uni???

I mean I was adamant I didn’t want to share a room at uni… my parents said “that’s nice dear” and paid for the accommodation they could afford? Just say no!

And it’s total rubbish about not being able to work. I went to uni in the US and UK (under grad and grad) and without being totally outing, Oxbridge and top London uni and I worked throughout both. So many British families seem to think their kids couldn’t possibly manage it whereas everyone I know at home worked through uni. I did a science degree as well that was very lab hours heavy.

Was the £20k her child trust fund?

Yes - utterly ridiculous. OP, you need a few firm phrases in your vocabulary. Rarely had to use them with DS24 but was quite prepared to.

For example, don’t be ridiculous. You’ve got £xxx on your account, you can choose to use that and not go travelling. We are prepared to give £xx and that’s it. I am not discussing this any further.

My son (I have one of each at uni) saved £3000 and I insisted he had a year off to do that - that’s covered his living costs, although we pay his phone bill. I said no to any accomodation we couldn’t afford. Be aware though that even applying for the cheaper halls doesn’t guarantee them, my much older one ended up in expensive halls and we’ve to beg

Fallowfield, Withington and that area is student city with excellent transport links, that's where I'd be focusing your search. Kit her out with a rape alarm and tell her it's time to adult

Horrified on your behalf the £20k saved is being spent on a 6 month holiday. With her boyfriend. Is she paying for him.

Pity the £20k wasn't left in your name.

Tell her the savings can fund any further study. If she has to come home early so be it. Why did you pay for her flight?

There comes a point where you have to say no. Also if she gets too poorly to work, is she planning on living for free with you?

One minute she wants to be an adult, the next a child. When it suits!

I hope you are taking a nice holiday this year.

If she had access to 20k then I wouldn't give her a penny more. Why did you buy her flights to Canada?

I've a severe chronic illness and worked when I was as a student. It was really tough but my mum would have kicked me out if I'd had that attitude.

she sounds like a spoiled brat and tbh you have created her being so entitled and spoilt.

'refused to pay board' really? she should have been shown the door. she has zero respect for you and sees you as a cashpoint