Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

I was going to suggest she deferred for a year to save money for the accommodation, but she’s not working, is burning through your savings, arguing with you about budget…

You really, really need to sit with her and have a proper conversation about expectations.

Her behaviour has been enabled up till now, why should she expect things to suddenly change? This will have been tolerated by the OP over the years.

Pretty much.

She’s being ridiculous and the emotional blackmail is appalling. Thousands of students live in Fallowfield which is a straight bus ride down Oxford Road. It’s where all the socialising goes on. Plenty of much cheaper accommodation around there.

Oh wow you have mug plastered all over your forehead - no wonder she asked you! Come on OP - be brave and tell your spoilt brat ‘no’ for once in her life.

It’s too late to say this but you should have moved it before her birthday into an account with access at a more reasonable age!

It sounds to me like you have bigger issues than just her uni accommodation.

I would be furious that she was spending hard saved house deposit money on travel rather than (as she should have done) saved money whilst working (and living at home for free).

I think you need to nip this in the bud. Give her figure that you are prepared to fund and that's it. Tell her to pack in the emotional manipulation and histrionics - it's not going to work.

Tell her you may have been open to helping more if she hadn't taken the piss re: not working/not saving/blowing money on travel, but as is she has spent all your goodwill and you are not pandering to her any more.

She comes across as being very self centred and spoiled I'm sorry to say.

Wow! My parents funded me through my first degree and then I was on my own. Absolutely fair enough. I got a scholarship for my Masters, fees paid and £6000 for the year (20 years ago now!). Then I worked two-three days on top to fund any extras. The £500/month just about covered rent and bills but any extra was on me to earn - just like most people!

I think she needs facts
Ie student loan gives you x (for f you can afford it I would ensure lon/your contribution cover basic accommodation and amount towards food)

Explain to her....
We will give you x
The rest is for you to budget to above figures or self fund.
You have your savings which you could use but you need to decide what is most important specific accommodation or traveling this summer?

Give her the facts and let her make her choice based on all the information. Do not budge on what you are prepared to contribute

Buses to Fallowfield are frequent.
Female students are not (thankfully) regularly raped on their walks home.
Sadly, she sounds pretty entitled and spoilt really.
Good Luck.

Not relevant to OP, but in England it is a single loan. https://www.gov.uk/masters-loan/what-youll-get. It gets repaid alongside undergrad loans too, not after them.

You have a daughter emotionally blackmailing you problem.

if you can’t afford £13k that’s fine, how much can you afford, offer that amount & if it’s not enough - then she will need to find a solution

There are plenty of solutions, cheaper accommodation, house share, getting a job.

the emotional blackmailing though is going to be a nasty trait to carry with her, that needs to be rectified for her own sake moving forward

Ok just the read the full thread and quite simply you’re a mug and she’s a freeloader. You need to grow a pair and she needs to grow up.

Tell her to take a loan to cover her costs, like many others do.

Agree with previous posters that you need to say no. Although it seems she’s been having her life funded by you for years op! So no doubt she’ll be shocked if that changes.

She’s taking the piss out of you. She’s terrified of being raped in Manchester but happy to stay in hostels around Europe? That makes zero sense.

Tell her she’s got two choices. She can either use the money you’ve saved hard for her entire life to support herself through her masters, or she can get a job and save up and pay for it herself.

The buses in Manchester are perfectly safe..

Re accommodation, you could just say no! Give her a budget that you're prepared to pay and she can choose within that.

I have said no to her before, can’t remember what it was about before but she flounced off for about 4 months when she was at uni and wouldn’t get in touch/tell me where she was. I think a friend had an empty room in their house and she went there. I’m frequently told by her what a horrible mother I am, that I’ve neglected her her whole life and being emotionally abusive/distant, etc. that’s the sort of shit she chucks at me anytime I try and establish a boundary. She often tells me that she won’t keep in touch with me when she’s finished uni. Sad thing is i think she may actually have convinced herself she’s right. She has a total victim mentality.

It’s a while since I lived in Manchester now but there were regular buses going to most student areas until late at night. You could have a night out and get the bus back. I don’t remember it being any more dangerous than anywhere else of similar size.

And I imagine if I do say no she will cut all contact with me, possibly permanently. She has that sort of attitude to be honest. Maybe I just need to accept that and let her walk away and not see her again.

Let her try. You will be doing her a favour in the long term. She will come back once she’s grown up a bit. It won’t take long

Most students in Manchester live in Rusholme, Fallowfield or Withington on the Oxford Road corridor, which is excellently served by bus routes direct to uni. Postgrads often go to Withington, slightly further out and less full of 18 year olds.

I think you have to tell her to use that £20k to subsidise her rent. Tell her how much you will pay towards her rent and the rest is down to her. I can't believe what a brat she is - my son was in halls costing £6k the first year, then house hunted til he found something cheaper for the next two years to save me money! And worked all through the holidays so he could have spending money

I would tell her she has 20k to fund her masters accommodation.

she can choose to travel and fund her own accommodation at Uni which you will not. Or she can cancel her travel plans and have nice accommodation.

your story is why my children have hardly anything in their names financially.

So she can travel to Korea and Vietnam but she can't get a bus for fifteen minutes in Manchester? .Fuck that nonsense.