Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

Not read all 25 pages but the fact is she needs to get a job. I managed the nursing course in which you do full time (40 hour) work on placements and did paid worked on top. I cannot imagine on an architecture course she’s doing anywhere near 40
hours of physical work? Stop pandering to her. She will have to get a job when she finishes anyway.

If she is so concerned about being 'raped' why doesn't she apply for Uni where she can live at home?

Agreed. Shefffield Architectural course is great and also has much more accommodation and it’s cheaper than Manchester. She could try applying somewhere else if Manchester too expensive. There’s a big shortage of student accommodation in Manchester.

Dear OP, I've followed this thread with great interest. Fortunately none of our kids are like this (although not to say challenging in different ways), but i was a student at Manchester and have a qualified architect amongst our 5 kids. (I know!)
I just wanted to say my heart bleeds for you.
Reading the thread, I thought initially you were in denial, sticking resolutely to the factual issues of safety, location of suitable accommodation etc. Ignoring people suggesting you had an entitled madam.
But then you obviously couldn't stand it any more, and made it clear what a hellish time you have had trying to lay down boundaries with her.
Just to wish you much strength in holding firm in the face of some rather unpleasant, emotionally blackmailing behaviour from your daughter.
So difficult.
Much sympathy.

Blimey OP

she sounds spoiled rotten

saying she could get raped is emotional blackmail

she will be living in a metropolitan city. They have buses and taxis and trains and all sorts. Are
you asking her to live in a village in the countryside and commute in?

No job but going on multiple holidays . she really is taking you for a ride

I’m not an expert in architecture courses! I just didn’t want to assume that every university offers it.

Btw my sister did a Masters as it’s a requirement for her career. She stayed at home while she did it. My mum doesn’t have a pot to piss in so no financial help there. In fact she worked and paid my mum rent!

So I studied architecture many years ago before the age of computers. When it comes to projects there can be a lot of late nights / all nighters. So we worked in the studio but also had a drawing board at home. Now with CAD she probably needs access to dept computers. So a degree of sympathy but having her own computer / CAD set up might be a better investment.

If she was 1st year I could understand the angst but really think a masters student should have a bit more nouse to be able to get home. It’s not the distance, it’s the route which is important.

If she really insists and you really can’t afford it then suggest she works another year out (Part 1 student), so she can fund the difference herself. More work experience too.

Or you insist that she pays you back once she graduates.

Wow! No, she's didn't get the option to stay in ANY of those places. Due to financial constraints my daughter paid her way through uni using full loans. There was ONE halls of residence that was affordable for students on maintenance loans and would leave enough to live on. It was an old school shared bathroom, no double glazing job but she managed.
You don't have to find on Mumsnet to judge and belittle you know.

@TimeForTeaAndDoughnuts Well not every university does it but there’s a wide choice. Smaller less expensive places definitely.

@Hellskitchen24 The DD has been at home for part 1 undergrad. 3 years. It will be 2 years since she graduated in 2023. How much longer should op put up with her? DD didnt pay for anything so presumably had no loan. If she did, she spent it on herself. She must be 23 so she needs to live away from home and study.

I wouldn't trust the OP's D to pay any money back. She's already purloined her house deposit fund for a fun-filled holiday.

@Duechristmas So she didn’t apply for cheaper halls? Why not? Everyone gets a chance to apply. Unless clearing or instance. Even looking now, most aren’t £13,000 for 42 weeks at Reading. A 2 bed flat is.

I’d tell her to take a gap year to work and save up if she wants special treatment etc because you have a tight budget and can’t justify the extra.

Re-read.
And I know what a flat costs, she still lives there.

So just read about your DD’s behaviour- especially the gaslighting and sucking up to your DH.

You need to get him to agree that you are holding the line. Agree to pay her what the govt says you owe her as top up not a penny more given her entitled behaviour. You can’t do anything about the £20k. She will spend it so she can use it to pay what ever accommodation she wants.

Re ‘working as an ‘architect’. In between part 1 and 2 you must get work experience- why is Manchester accepting her without it? In periods of recession there may be leeway but economy is strong. The job roles are ‘part 1 student or architectural assistant’. Yes it will be min wage but she is getting training. When she does graduate she will probably be £25/30k and part 3/ qualified more again.

She is very nasty OP you don’t deserve it but your DH needs to support you as well

Or Whitworth Park? Right next to the Uni. I was at Manchester a very long time ago indeed but from what I remember the buses run along Oxford Road the the big hall at Owens Park. I lived in Grosvenor Place, 3 minutes from the Uni.

Sorry youve brought all this on yourself really,youre letting her go away for 6 months spending money willy nilly thst you had saved for a house deposit for her and she thinks that's OK and still expects you to pay for Uni..she's an adult,adults look after themselves especially when they are having holidays for 6 months

So what has that got to do with halls of residence? We’re talking about halls of residence! Not a whole flat.

Crikey let Dad pay!

There’s always been a risk to young women of rape. Student or not. And realty is risk of stranger rape hasn’t changed in 40 years since I was at uni. Sure, more rape gets reported now, and sadly less gets prosecuted. However a lot of thst increase is date rape type incidents . And that can happen in any halls or accommodation or social areas she visits.

She is manipulating you with emotional blackmail. It’s not your job to protect her form rape or sexual assualt . You can’t. She can’t dump the responsisiblty for rape or sexual assualt on anyone other than a perpetrator. No matter what she or you do. She needs to learn to do what, sadly, all women do, and she’ll have to do once she’s left home. Take reasonable care and precautions. Do ongoing risk assessments. Be sensible. Not walk alone. And all the other shit things we do, and she’ll do for the rest of her life. She has to start that now.

her accommodation has nowt to do with that. Shut that down. Tell her if she needs advice on protecting herself, you can share your experience of however many godforsaken years you’ve had to change your behaviours to avoid male potential violence. And welcome to the world of vawg.

amd now let’s get back to talking aboutcwhatxaccomodationnis affordable. It is worth noting that the rise in costly accommodation corresponded to rise in foreign students paying larger tuition fees to university . Wealthy foreign students became a target for letting agents and property developers. You’re not wealthy enough for that. Tough. Think agian darling.

This

I'm from Manchester. Hathersage Road is just off the main student thoroughfare on Oxford Road and right next to St Mary's hospital. Perfectly safe and buses running down the corridor until very late. I wouldn't worry at all

Dd graduated from Manchester last year. In Unsworth for her first year ( eye wateringly expensive - chosen for same reasons your Dd gives) but course friends were all in Whitworth (the trenches). Ironically she went to Whitworth practically every bloody night to hang out as the atmosphere/vibe was she says a million times nicer. She came back to Unsworth on the bus each time, late and was never for one moment she says, at any risk. There are always countless students milling about and doing the same thing. I was worried sick but it genuinely never was an issue. Whitworth is fab for proximity to campus and the Union too. Wish we’d saved a packet and chosen there.

Tell her no.

@ElbowsUpRising

There seems to be a guided campus tour at Manchester Uni for taught pg courses in a few weeks' time.

Would it be a good idea for her to book and go along? I think that she should.

www.manchester.ac.uk/study/masters/meet-us/