Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

I absolutely agree, but the way she is communicating with her daughter sounds like part of the problem.

As much as I don’t agree with caving I sort of understand where @Wantitalltogoawayis coming from. You do need to compromise with her…. Eg you save and I will match it.

standing back and lighting a match is probably a response to feeling like you did with your mum…. Bullied. It’s that awful realisation it’s happening again.

you need to agree a plan with DH and be on the same page. Decide what you are willing to bend on for all your sakes.

Your daughter can't have everything! She's already got her degree. She's now undertaking a Masters. Costly business, but she not well enough to work. ?? I hope all of this expense is going to be worth it for you both. Work out how much you can reasonably afford .Tell her,that's the tank'. Let her get on with researching where she can afford on what she's been given.

OP, is your DH aware that your daughter is frittering away her £20,000 savings on 9 months indulgent travelling, whilst demanding £260 per week for the most expensive student accommodation available?
Whilst also refusing to work even part time to fund it???

I think OP’s most recent response to her bratty daughter, though not ‘perfect’, was certainly understandable given this person has been verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative, time and time again, especially in a horrible situation where OP’s husband is doing fuck all to help.

Good for you for not paying the (ridiculous) Canada airfare.

God no. They need to learn to cut their cloth according to their means at some point. There's no point shielding her from reality as a student, when she's going to have to face it on graduation.

If you could afford to, I'd still say the same. But the fact that you can't is decisive. You simply can't.

For context, my daughter is at Bristol and her rent is £10k. I nearly balked at that, despite her provoking me with ample evidence that it was quite competitive. Bristol is thought to be more than even London, which is way more expensive than Manchester and the accommodation is notoriously scarce.

From seeing your updates, I don’t think your OH is much help either. Sounds like a nightmare

She sounds like a right little madam and your updates just make her sound worse and worse. I hope you’re not funding her travel too?

What do you mean, ‘she won’t consider…’? Tell her she’s very lucky to get a place (no doubt through hard work) and now she needs to grow up and pull her weight/accept less than top-notch like the rest of us!

And then you are willingly paying for accommodation?? You’re a fool. Her FM stops her from working whilst doing a course but she can happily crack on travelling the world at your expense??

If she’s off to Europe this weekend who’s paying for this? She sounds completely unhinged with her entitlement in the way she’s saying you are mean by standing up to her. If she can’t wait to get away from you let her go but don’t fund it. I think she’s behaving like this as it sounds like she’s never learnt that you can’t have everything. A dose of reality might make her a nicer person in the long run.

@anonBristol isn’t more than London but it depends what part of London! New halls are always more and en suite costs too. The sky really is the limit in London because there are very centrally placed flats. If you go further out it’s cheaper. Bristol isn’t cheap but it’s not London prices either - mostly.

@ElbowsUpRising- it’s not you. Please be reassured by all the comments here from loads of parents who can see the attitude/entitlement.

If you’ve got separate accounts and DH wants to pay, let him and don’t supplement his spending. You’ve done more than enough already.

If you end up feeling really guilty start saving for when she does want to get a house and decide then whether you want to hand it over. If you don’t it’ll be a nice bonus for you, so it’s a win-win.

Keep this thread if you can, it’s full of sane comments.

She needs to work for a year, save up the money to pay for her fancy accommodation, and then go. You can't afford it.

And research her own accomodation and buses. And work.

But it seems like she wants to be a trust fund baby, no wonder whe wants to live with the international students.

Op i don't understand why your DH is piping up now offering to pay her way when you say you can't afford it.

Does he have secret money squirrelled away, or was he letting you deal with it and pay for it all before today?

@Duechristmas That is ridiculously top end and I assume you wanted her in student accommodation that was that price. It’s not remotely the norm at Reading. Did you ever research all the options? Very few pay anywhere near this, even in Reading. Only London is routinely expensive.

You don't know how much your husband earns? You're married ffs, don't you share things like this and pool resources?

Does your husband think that his daughter is right to think the way she does? He sounds like he's part of the problem.

That's not normal. She needs to speak to student accommodation. Of course prioritising a safe area is important, but Halls generally are.

I think you may be underestimating the fibromyalgia effects on her - it's worth noting that all the PIP criteria are based on being able to do the activity in a reasonable amount of time, safely and that you can repeat the activity as required ie. it's usual to prepare food three times per day. If you can't do something without pain then you also can't do it. https://benefitsandwork.co.uk is a good place to look.

There's also potentially an advantage for her in making a NI Credits Only claim for Employment and Support Allowance whilst she isn't a student. If she can establish a limited capacity for work she may be entitled to claim Universal Credit as a student which may help with funding (but won't be with savings over £16k).

There's also a potential advantage for her into looking into both of these things for herself to understand what state financial support is available if she can't work in the future which may be motivating around the study.

Beyond that my first suggestion would be she defers her place for a year and takes the time to earn money / have a useful job on her CV before going to Manchester.

My second is that she goes and spends a few days in Manchester - hotel costs are worth it if it reduces the overall accommodation costs and spends some time walking/cycling around and taking busses/ trams etc to see what the journeys are like and which areas feel safe to her.

Third - can she drive? Is there cheaper, nice accommodation further away that's suitable if she can drive and park at uni - they ought to be able to accommodate her with a parking space at uni even if she doesn't have a blue badge.

Fourth - I wonder if she wants the 'student experience' of living in halls - that might be too hard to achieve unless she's willing to save in advance for the additional cost. It might also be achievable if she's willing to live in a Undergraduate hall in a helper sort of role to the 18 year olds.

Nobody wants to live somewhere they don't feel safe but stranger rape is rare especially compared with rape committed by someone you know. Do you know why she's saying she's worried about that? I wonder whether it's either an alternative way of telling you that a 30 min walk to/from her accommodation isn't ok for her fibro or whether she knows someone who's been raped by a stranger.

I think you're maybe both thinking the goalposts have been moved - you because uni accommodation never used to be this expensive, her perhaps because she has a vision of her uni experience that doesn't match what you're now proposing.

Also, few people want to live in a shared house with strangers - she might be more accepting of it with course mates for the second year of the course, if there is one. It may be easier to find a shared house with a bath - I suspect all the modern student accommodation only has showers, which may be useful pain management wise.

That is steep - most universities have a posh expensive option like this but as you have found - there are always cheaper options. I don’t think she is being very fair on you. The walk / bus back to the other halls will be well trodden. It would be cheaper if she took the cheaper accommodation and paid for an uber when travelling back late at night. If she is that freaked out by being in such a large ‘dangerous’ city maybe Manchester isn’t the right place for her? A smaller campus university might be a better fit but I realise it may be too late to change now and Masters can be quite niche and specific to one institution. As others have said - give her a budget and let her figure it out. Good luck

Hulme Hall is just off the main road which is great. I wouldn’t feel that safe walking far up the roads there (in either direction of Oxford Road). The Fallowfield campis is is an excellent option. For safety, if she’s on that bus route to the south (past Hulme Hall and to fallowfield), it’s safe. The side roads can be a bit dodgy in the dark so I would try and stick as close to the main road as possible! I was a student here and lived here for a long time

@TimeForTeaAndDoughnuts. Niche? It’s part 2 Architecture. It’s available all over the place. It didn’t have to be Manchester. It’s run at many universities.

Also the buses run all night. It’s the busiest bus route in Europe

@ElbowsUpRising there are many safe options that are not that price.
many moons ago I lived in daisy bank halls, which are next to hathersage road - absolutely safe!
usually you are out with flatmates as well.
If she wants something else in my opinion she funds the difference.