Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

Absolutely. Unfortunately, not all parents are able to provide that support. When they can however, I'd hope that their children would be grateful and not expect to live in luxury.

Just picking up on this, I don't understand how she can feel safe hostelling in foreign countries but not be able to live anywhere even slightly cheaper in her own country? She's having you on.

@Bingbopboomboomboombopbam I was responding to a poster who thought “she seems “entitled” which most of today’s young people are”. Which is a sweeping generalisation and total rubbish. I agree this DD is an exception.

I do think most young people try hard, have a decent relationship with parents and understand some financial restraint might be necessary. I also think it’s unfortunate that the OP and DH lead separate financial lives. This makes speaking as one far more difficult. So DD knows dad will take her side - because he can and OP has no idea of what money he has. Would not happen in our house.

Your DH is weak. He should have had a united front with you rather than letting your daughter divide and rule. No wonder she is so entitled when your husband openly undermines you.

I'm so sorry OP, but it sounds like your relationship with your mum has meant you don't have strong enough boundaries in your other relationships.

Your daughter won't respect you until your husband respects and until you consistently maintain your boundaries.

Absolutely a privilege and something only a small number of parents can do.

I really hope you can come to a resolution on all this OP because apart from anything else, as so many people have said, if this doesn’t stop, she will ask for money time and time again if you don’t put your foot down, possibly resulting in really difficult financial circumstances when you get older. I’m feeling angry on your behalf your DH is one of those (sadly common) “I’ll do anything for a quiet life” types.

Time to think about yourself. If my child had undermined me to that extent both would be told the reality. She sounds awful your DH is worse as if you can’t afford all this he’s just making things worse but jepodising your financial security I would show your DH this thread and if he doesn’t get it be thinking of my own future likely without either of them.

My Dd used IQ accommodation on Oxford Road, I was really impressed with security, 24 hr onsite, all accomodation blocks facing inward to a quad with key swipe to access, it's on the curry mile with buses running regularly, lovely ensuite room just over £150 per week if I remember

@westisbest1982Many parents pay for accommodation for dc to do a masters. As they do for doctors and vets to continue to study. Your dc wants this career - you pay. The op
has had DD at home (big mistake) so DD is ruling the roost. She’s taken 2 years to get on the part 2. She’s not very dedicated.

She sounds entitled. I'd tell her you will pay the difference between full student loan and the £5k she will get and make her understand as she can't work she will have to compromise on accommodation. Buy her a rape alarm and that she should walk into uni with other students not alone. Or she could try to get a part time job. Give her the choice. How will she manage to work a full week after she gets her Masters? Uni courses are usually only 16-20 hours per week. She could try to work 8-10 hours a week.

So it being unsafe for young men nearly thirty years ago doesn’t mean its unsafe for a woman now

My Dds 2nd year shared house was on Hathersage Road, not a great area but full of students who looked out for each other, and police on horseback regularly patrolling along the street for some reason

I'm sorry, but your daughter needs to grow up and behave like an adult (which she is) and not like a teenaged princess. Who taf does she think she is?? She worked but has decided that she's using that money to travel (her pleasure, her choice) and not contributing anything towards her accommodation and living when she returns to Uni... REALLY??? That is NOT good enough-how is she ever going to become a self-sufficient, effective human if she carries on like this?? Unless you are prepared to bankroll her for the rest of her life (and yours) then you are going to have to lay out some firm, immutable non-negotiables about her future..and yours.
Abd tbh if she's so worried about getting raped in Manchester, how is she going to cope with travelling to parts of the world where female safety and security is much riskier??
Sorry OP.. your adult daughter is at it, she's taking you for a mug.

My Dd and her friends used Luxholme properties for their student houses, large company amd landlords were decent, used to send treat baskets for Christmas, Easter and halloween

I agree.

Your DH agreeing to support her makes this so much worse.

In your DD’s eyes, you will always be the bad guy, destroying your relationship with her.

Your DH must provide a united front with you or your family will suffer.

The price is low compared with some further south not you need a frank conversation over what is acceptable. They all want the swish stuff but if the budget doesn't stretch then they have to make do, just as in life. Let her throw her toys out the pram then set a budget and stick to it. You're being taken for a ride.
I've had two through uni now, one to go, this is advice from somebody who's been there.

I'm struggling with why you're the one doing the leg work, it's her going to uni, not you.

If your daughter now has your DH support because he likes the easy life for someone who is abusive to the extent that thinks you both owe her I would be making plans to leave them too it for now have you a friend someone you can stay with for a few days. I think you know your daughter treats you like a mug. It’s no way to live. Please OP you sound like you wanted to support your daughter but she’s continually showing you what she really thinks. She will drain every penny if no one stands up to her.

Have you considered showing your DH this thread?

He’s doing her no favours undermining you.

Seriously, she's worried about rape because of a bus route and she can't get a job but she can travel to the far East. You've raised a brat.

@Duechristmas Are you for real? £13,250 cheap? Compared with where? Only London would possibly top this but even there you can get cheaper! It’s top end and it’s a 51 week contract. Thats ok if she working in Manchester but she’ll come home so it’s poor value.

If she's worried about getting raped late at night. Then she's clubbing, pubbing. 🙄

If she can go travelling she can catch a bus

Sorry OP, but as awful as your daughter sounds, you are not dealing with this well at all.

Calling her names and suddenly withdrawing what you’d previously said you’d pay for isn’t a regulated response at all and the whole situation seems very damaging to all of you. I have no doubt now why she has become like she is.

You need to take a breath.

In Reading it goes to £400 a week. My daughter's choices went up to £13k a year and that was six years ago.

Op is correct why should she pay for her daughters jaunts to Canada when she has access to 20k. Her daughter sounds like the manipulating one. Time for her daughter to move out from bank of mum and dad..