Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

She needs to grow up! Sadly I fear this won't happen anytime soon, she should realise how lucky she is that you saved for a house deposit my mum could never have managed to do that although I know she would have if she could. I know you feel worried about her cutting contact but perhaps it would be best as long as you keep checking in with her even remotely so that when she grows up mentally you're there for her, good luck

I'm not disputing it's a worthwhile career. but are there enough jobs for every architecture grad to become an architect?

I assume your DD is doing the Master of Architecture. As the course is jointly delivered by MMU and Uni of Manchester, has she looked at Manchester Met halls to see if there are any cheaper options there? Is she eligible to apply for those?

@IDontHateRainbows I do not know the answer to this as am not working in the field myself. However Manchester is an excellent university and it is ranked fairly highly for architecture so hopefully job prospects are reasonable.

@ElbowsUpRising
I was thinking about your thread just now and really hope you’ve taken some comfort from what other people have said about how you’re being bullied/manipulated.

I know it’s hard when total strangers sound like they’re criticising our DCs but it’s hopefully useful for you to see an unbiased opinion; that it’s not you being awful and unfair.

Now I’ve read all your posts and know your daughter has some savings as well, it is MORE THAN reasonable to tell her “we’ll pay X amount and you can top up”. She can either work a few part time hours to top-up, or use the savings, or live somewhere cheaper.

I appreciate you’d saved for a house deposit, but doing her Masters at the best Uni for architecture should mean she starts earning very well in the not too distant future and will be able to save something herself, to plug the gap. Even if she paid the entire accommodation herself it wouldn’t wipe out her savings.

It sounds like you’ve been a very kind and generous, supportive mum - despite not having that yourself - and as she matures I am certain she will realise this (you could always show her this thread).

I really hope it all works out well for everyone, especially you.

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxqAlrfSBFNtwvIxS1aLLqJHwK4bUmLhZ9

From what you've said, you've done enough. If you can't afford it then don't give it. It's hard to refuse a child, especially one that is manipulating you. She needs to work for a while, save and go back to uni when SHE can afford it.

Is it a masters she is doing? Not a bsc or combined bsc/masters course??
If its a stand alone masters she won't get the maintenance loan it's a combined loan to cover course fees AND living costs.
https://www.gov.uk/masters-loan/apply
In my DDs case her masters loan didn't even quite cover the course costs:(
She wanted to go to UCL in london but ruled it out due to both course cost and living costs.
Uni accommodation is a rip off imo.
Have you looked at private uni halls like IQ? They may be cheaper and offer shorter contracts.
I would try and reapply for PIP, look at benefits and work website for advice. A colleague of mine has PIP for fibromalgia.
For example, if does she have days when she can't function? If so how often? does she need to pace herself etc will student support be involved.
Can she travel independently?

Well the nastiness has started already. Got home and she’s started on me. I just can’t believe the rubbish she’s coming out with.

i said I need to talk to her dad about what we can afford and she says she needs to be part of that conversation. I said no, that it’s about our finances and that’s not to do with her. She said I will lie and exaggerate to Dh. That I just don’t want to pay for her because I never wanted her. Total bollocks.

Walk away out of the room. Hysteria loves an audience. Don't engage. Don't argue.

You should be asking her how she is going to fund it

Yes. OP's D needs a reality check.

Bloody hell that's not on OP, can you and DH take yourselves out somewhere for the discussion? Pub, a nice walk someplace green & soothing?
Good luck

You saved 20 grand for her . Is she grateful at all?
You sound like good parents. Hopefully she grows up soon and realises how lucky she has been

I’ve told her I think she’s spoiled and a narcissist. She’s accused me of kicking her out of home mid year 3 which isn’t true. She left without a word. Apparently I made a remark about not wanting her to live here anymore so she left. I quite possibly did say that when she was winding me up as an off the cuff comment but that is not kicking her out.

She’s currently twisting Dh round her little finger. Apparently he’s said the money is fine and will pay it.

And now Dh is back she’s sweetness and light and talking calmly and telling him how nasty I’ve been. I’m so angry I’m shaking

She needs to be thinking and doing things for herself, who goes off to 3 continents and let's their mum sort out their uni accommodation?

I’ve told her she’s bullying me and she just gives a tinkly laugh and tells me not to be silly, that I’m a grown woman and she can’t be bullying me.

Ive told her I’m not giving her a penny. Shes on her own.

This is awful, she really is abusive. Is there anyway you can get her to slip up in front of him, lose her temper and show the way she treats you.
DH needs to support you and believe you. You need to go out of the house with him and explain it all

Surely there's times when he's said no to her and she's lashed oiut at home as well?

What a nightmare OP. It's strange that she's also a grown woman who plays the victim perfectly well though. Your latest posts sound a little concerned that DH won't back you/will give into her?

I'd be packing husbands bags if he did this to me.

I don’t think he’ll back me up at all.

I'd be tempted to keep your phone on you and set it to discreetly voice record tbh. Just to show DH the Jekyll and Hyde if you think he's either staying well out of the 'women feuding' or wants to pay up for a quiet life.

Then he can share her student rooms in Manchester.

She even had the nerve to tell me her wanting close by accommodattion is the same as me having an expensive gym membership because it’s close. I pointed out to her it’s my bloody money!