Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

I'm sorry OP, but you are being ridiculous here. She has £20k has spent a chunk of it, still has access to it and you are going to 'hope' that she doesn't blow the rest, while paying for her accommodation even though she treats you like shit. You reap what you sow. Despite the advice on here, you are still determined to continue letting her use and abuse you. The fact that you didn't have to pay anything during her first degree is a blessing, you seem to think it means that you owe her something now.

HNRTT but in an attempt to suggest help, is it possible for you to have a discussion with current students on that course to provide a reality check concerning safety in the different accommodation locations.

I wouldn't normally suggest this level of 'engagement' by a parent as in other circumstances this would tend to be done by the 'helicopter' parent that isn't usually helpful but as she seems 'fixed' in her views then perhaps try registering on the studentroom? yourself (here is, I think, a link to a different topic)

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7330768

and ask on that forum for MA students at the architecture school at Manchester (and in practice other courses in similar circumstances)-

Where do postgraduate students tend to stay?

How much do they pay?

Is that location safe at night?

Do they tend to work?

Have there been any attacks on women at night by strangers this year?

and so on ...

to give yourself a evidence base to sympathetically challenge any concerns then suggest you can help book a GP's appointment for her anxiety?

then continue with the budget and other discussions like the discontinuity in her atttudes regarding backpacking.

Good luck.

Not sure why it would be considered unfair for the question to be asked WaterMonkey?
If someone's applying for money - especially public money - it's surely not unreasonable to expect that it's spent appropriately

I mean, I don’t think people with disabilities and chronic health conditions should necessarily have to live lives of misery in order to justify getting support. But yes, in general terms I agree with you. They are certainly capable of asking more humiliating questions than ‘how was it you were able to hostel in Vietnam?’

Could you offer to give her a certain amount to put towards her accommodation, and let her worry about finding a job to pay for the rest? Chances are she would take the cheaper accommodation that way!

@Avidreader12 OP has said Architect Masters is treated differently than other Masters for funding purposes, so like an extension of undergraduate degree, so I assume still based on parent income

Honestly I’m not sure why you would do this. You won’t get any gratitude, just being blamed and guilt-tripped for ruining her life because you didn’t pay for the more expensive accommodation.

You’d be much better telling her she needs to spend her lump sum first (since it looks incredibly unlikely she’ll save it for a deposit) and at the same time putting some funds away for her future but in an account in YOUR name than spending it now on rent.

You are going about this arse about face. You and your DH decide how much you are prepared to give her and tell her and she looks at what money she has (from savings, income, loans, and bank of mum and dad) and makes a decision on where she wants to live. She looks up the buses and the prices and makes her choice. It’s like all those “MIL offered to buy a pram and now I’m stuck with a fugley pram I can’t fold up” threads - anything that is going to have a huge impact on someone’s standard if living and quality of life needs to be chosen by the person. She picks where she lives and decides how she pays for it. You decide how much you are contributing independently of that choice. My dd is desperately hoping to be allocated the cheapest accommodation at her uni as she thinks the extra £ it saves her will add to her quality of life more than the nicer en-suite rooms with the easier commute - someone else will decide that an extra £5k a year is totally worth it for your own bathroom and a walkable commute. Neither are wrong - it’s just a choice. Dd will get top up to max loan irregardless of where she finds to live (and had to take a year out to save as she chose London).

OP you are doing her no favours by mollycoddling her. I think you need to help her to stand on her own two feet and realise that unless you are very wealthy you have to make some choices. I wonder if she has a history of emotionally manipulating you to get what she wants - you need to stamp this out or you'll be forever at her beck and call and even into adulthood, it will never end.

Can’t she defer for a year and work to save up and fund herself ? At this point if you can’t afford it she can’t do her Masters.

£260 a week is dearer than the rent we pay on our 2 bed house. Those student places are eye watering, much dearer than the old campus halls or a flat share!

If she can’t work what’s the point of her doing a masters?

@notatinydancer. It’s not a masters. It’s part 2 architecture qualification. It’s compulsory for architects. I think she might already have part 1. So wasting time is not a good idea. Having to compromise is.

Ok. In the OP it says she’ll be doing her architectural masters.

Victoria point is private halls, a lot of my friends lived there and as it’s blocks they have some that quieter than others and you state the preference. They are just before fallowfield.

Manchester has the busiest bus route in Europe. I also lived in fallowfield and was fine when I was at uni.

there are loads of Facebook groups why don’t she just join them and ask if people are looking for a housemate?

@notatinydancer. Yes it’s not worded accurately and it appears optional. It’s equivalent to a master’s but is necessary. As is working to get fully qualified.

Maybe off topic, but there's loads of graduates now unable to get well paying jobs due to the over supply of graduates now that every tom dick and harry gets a degree. The thought of all those people getting into horrendous debt not only via the fees but via the living costs especially accomodation, only to struggle to get a job paying min wage or just above and be saddled with ever increasing (due to interest) graduate debt... I'll be encouraging my kids to live at home and study if they choose to do a degree at all, not worth it these days unless you are doing a very specific career path and can have what it takes to outshine the competition.

To answer a few of your questions, OP:

1. No £13k per year or £260 per week per week is not normal for Manchester. YP paying £7.5k catered halls (41 weeks) this year and will pay £8.6k for 51 weeks next academic year for a room in a shared house, bills included.
2. As many previous contributors have said, there are many cheaper options in Victoria Park and Fallowfield university halls of residences and a multitude of options renting privately.
3. Hathersage Road is fine, it's quite close to the university hospital, so a fairly quick commute in.
4. Oxford Road is unbeliveably busy with buses for students and a dedicated cycle lane both ways. It is full of students and YP feels safe.

What I would like to question is does your YP really want to go to Manchester at all? They seem to be putting lots of barriers in the way such as insisting on high rent and an assumption it's very dangerous. They haven't even visited Manchester, so I'm not sure how they have such conviction over the vibe of the university, the safety of the campus and its surrounding streets and what type of accommodation is required.

I'm not going to comment here on your relationship with your YP as many previous contributors have already said a lot, but I did want to correct your YP's view of Manchester as I feel it is inaccurate. YP is having a blast, it is a fabulous university and has lots to offer.

Architecture is a profession and a worthwhile degree. The OP said her dd has already lived at home for her first three years of uni. This is about the fourth year where she needs to move away to a better uni. Architecture isn't the best paid profession but not everyone is solely motivated by money.

Judging by what the OP has said, however, her daughter is clearly motivated by material things and - therefore - money.

@WearyAuldWumman I was mainly responding to the poster's claim about whether it was still worthwhile to do a degree and in the case of architecture I think it is.

Has she double checked the funding as it’s not the same as undergrad. I know a few architecture students via my dd and they did struggle with funding for part 2.

Ah. My apologies.

There is no chance of her becoming an architect with her "illnesses" and her work ethic.

Architecture is one of the longest and hardest qualifications and then it is long hours and hard work.

It is clear she is not cut out for it.

She seems 'entitled' which most of today's young people are.

Let her get a loan, then she will appreciate that 'Bank of mum and dad' cannot provide her with an enobled 'princess lifestyle'