Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

I spent many years behaving fairly carelessly around the student areas of Manchester (I'm from Manchester originally too and am still familiar).

It's as safe as most cities. Some areas more so than others. Both Fallowfield and Victoria park are safe to walk around in the daytime and generally early evening. I'd recommend an Uber late at night if alone for both (though have not done myself in the past and definitely kept my wits about me). Both will usually be fine with a friend. My sketchiest memories of feeling unsafe were actually around West Didsbury which used to be very popular with postgrads but possibly priced out for the majority now.

Not sure if Withington is still affordable for student houseshares but it's quite a nice vibrant community too if the suburbs are more appealing.

The fact she's travelling round hostelling to me suggests it's not that she feels unsafe, but that she'd like somewhere fancy to live. I think expectations seem somewhat higher than they used to be which is evident from what's on offer. She's taking the piss.

I think she may find the people more relatable in the slightly cheaper accommodation too, just a thought.

Learn how to say no. Give her a strict budget that is allowed to go towards accommodation and she will have to top up the rest if she wants high end. She can do this either by sacrificing her travels or by deffering and working as a part 1 for another year.

Who is paying for her course costs like materials and printing?

I don't understand why you are contributing anything if this is a postgraduate Masters? I supported myself through mine (worked for a few years to save up before doing it). Wouldn't have crossed my mind that my parents would pay - I did mine at age 24/25.

Op I'm afraid you need to have the "difficult " conversation most parents of students have . It goes dear Dd I can afford to give you x amount per month. You can choose how you spend it . My ds chose to go to Liverpool not manchester as accomodation cheaper Dd has moved away from york as a first choice to lancaster and my go for a shared bathroom. Alos just point out to her that maximum under grad loan ( if that's what the course is funded as) is about 10500 this year so that's her budget, max for you would be approx 5000 to top up from the minimum. She is totally unreasonable and to be honest spoilt from your description.

My daughter flat shared with 2 others at Victoria Point. They have single dwelling accommodation too. Nice accommodation and she never had any problems living there.

I did architecture and she will be working around the clock and probably be returning home at early morning hours so i do understand her concerns and it will be hard to have a job aswell as stay on top of work. Architecture is very poorly paid for the level of qualification and it would be sensible to save costs wherever possible to reduce debt.. I lived at home for my part II to save costs social life happens in the studio. I don't suppose living at home and commuting in is an option?

Stop funding her now. Today. Set an amount you expect her to pay you as rent. Stop shopping for her, cooking, cleaning and laundry. She can get a job or spend her 'house deposit' savings. If you haven't already paid for the flights to Canada, then don't. Tell her she will be entirely covering the cost of her post-grad year - either from her savings or by working. If you want to, start putting away the money you'll be saving into an account for her, but in your name this time. By the time she's ready to behave like a respectful adult towards you, there may be a reasonable amount towards a deposit. You are doing her no favours allowing her to treat you this way.

£13k is really high. We paid 7 or 8 for our 2 at Lincoln and Exeter. Why do you have to pay for 51 weeks? That’s not normal, it’s usually for far fewer weeks than that.

Uni accommodation is generally very safe, and there’s normally lots of students going from place to place. Why has she got it in her head she’s going to be raped, do you think she’s just saying that so you’ll shell out for a posh pad for her?

So she’s blowing 20 grand that YOU had saved up for her future, and now she’s expecting YOU to fund her through uni? She’s absolutely taking the piss OP. She can use that money to pay for herself.

If she can do all of that travelling, she can work pt while going to graduate school. Funny how travelling to other countries is so safe for her, but she needs expensive accommodations to "feel safe" at a school in the UK. 🤔🤐

She really could give classes on "manipulating your parents in less than a minute". Entitled little miss and so caring to not want to work for 9 months so another employer doesn't have to see her off. Burned out. I just can't!😆🙄

Especially when she could take that 20K and put it towards school and not travelling as if she is Paris Hilton on a budget.

I mean, 20K that was supposed to be for a deposit on a house, not used to fund school but to fund silly travels.

@ElbowsUpRising You do know that when she wants a house, right after her Master's (if she "is able" to work), she will hold out her hand and expect 50-100K for a home deposit. 😆😬

She is a spoilt brat
If not this then it will be something else she holds over you as a reason to not speak to you.
She may grow up . Especially if you stop giving her whatever she wants .
Don't pay for uni or anything to do with it. She is old enough to do it herself. She has 20k she can use that.
You are doing her no favours longterm .
Imagine if she has children . How she will cope .

So, a real parent that wants their child to grow up to be independent, would have said, "I have 20K saved up that would have been a house deposit. Here, use it for school the best way you can."

You have raised an entitled princess. Good luck for the rest of her life. 🙄

Do you have other children OP?

Aside from this being a teachable moment for your daughter I’m also concerned about the precedent you may be setting for any siblings.

Or is she your only child, hence her threats to go non contact are especially hurtful?

You gave her a house deposit to use for "travelling money". If that isn't the very definition of a spoiled brat, I don't know what is.

What an absolute piss taker. I don't blame her at all for wanting to travel but if she can afford that or fund that then she can find the means to fund the masters!

You need to put your foot down OP!

I'm sorry but she is massively taking the piss, expecting you to subsidize her so much.

To add to that, the cost of the first accommodation option you mentioned sounds extortionate to me. (I grew up in Manchester, but will say that I haven't kept track of rent prices recently.)

For comparison, my son is in Toronto, which is considered an expensive city for rental accommodation, and he is right downtown, in one of the most desirable areas, sharing a 2 bed 2 bath apartment with one other person (taking the smaller bedroom so paying less than his flatmate.) It's a very posh condo building (amazing gym, spa, multiple rooftop pools, etc., all included) and he's "only" paying the equivalent of ~£750/month for that!

Exactly. Work and save for a few years and then attend uni. Many of us did, and lived to tell the tale.

Congratulations on getting in to Manchester!
We paid more than that in a very run-down halls in London, sharing a number of bathroom stalls with 20 others and a tiny kitchenette with about 40 (catered accommodation, it's what they were allocated). So yes, seems normal to me unfortunately.
Our YP worked in holidays to help make up the shortfall but yes, it's been tough. Coming to the end of it now - but younger sibling is about to start in September...

Edited to add: despite it being catered, they still needed to pay for lunches, late evening snacks, evening meals when they missed catered meal in halls because some of their lectures were scheduled in the evenings, etc. Plus travel, books, clubs, occasional going out (although not a big drinker or clubber) etc. We ended up giving them £75 per week on top of accommodation. And kept paying for their phone for the first year while in halls.

So, not only is she an entitled, spoiled brat, but we can add liar to her CV?

She uses the abuse you endured as a child as she abuses you all over again, and you keep letting her. You have become her punching bag and personal ATM, and she uses the "no contact" as a weapon. Let her use it. It's only a weapon if you let it be one. Also, please seek some counselling to get you through your childhood and grow a spine to stand up as a mother to your daughter.

I would tell her, before she leaves, that since she isn't saving the 20K for a house, she can use it for school because you are done. I cannot believe you paid for her flight to Canada when she has 20K to finish burning through.

If she chooses to stay home at all, she works and pays rent or bye-bye-bye. Feel free to do the little dance moves with the "Bye-Bye-Bye" too.

@ElbowsUpRising sorry you are going through all this. It must be very upsetting and distressing. Some of us find ourselves with rather selfish adult children, for whatever reason. I know the feeling right now myself. Get your boundaries clear, let her get on with her life independently, and focus on you 🫂

OP I am from Manchester and like others have already said Fallowfield is her best bet. The uni accommodation there is cheaper and there are plenty of busses which run from there to the university campus during the day and night. Its a 10-15 min ride on the bus or a 20 min walk. Fallowfield has a very large student population so OP will no doubt fit in and feel safe there and have an absolute blast.

Generally the closer to the main road the safer she'll feel walking back at night alone. There are thousands (or so it feels) of (busy) buses up and down the Wilmslow Road bus corridor everyday and night buses at night, especially as far as the Christie Hospital where the main road splits. Students live throughout Manchester, but South Manchester in particular. Fallowfield was always a student area, but very busy and may not be what a PG student is looking for. The city centre, Stretford, Withington and West/East Didsbury all felt safe when I lived there in house shares and are pleasant/popular with a mix of students and 'normal' people. I know other people who live in Whalley Range and Hulme and love it. As long as she takes sensible precautions, she'll be fine.

There are loads and loads of house shares in s. Manchester, but rents have skyrocketed in recent years. If the halls seem too expensive, she should look around and price up what else is available. It's a big city, so there will be other options, but the better / better value places will be snapped up quickly.

What would happen if you told her to get to fuck? She should use the money you saved for her for her studies not fuck off round the world.

Stop holding her hand Op, she's an adult and needs to learn that you don't treat people the way she's treating you.

I always thought that would be a high paying career. I think that's sad when you need a Master's and all.