Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

Absolutely. Parenting at this level is ridiculous. At what point do you stop funding her? After she fancies doing a phd?

And she’s well enough to go out late but not get a job? So she’s not contributing to her lifestyle and living costs AT ALL?

Maybe she could get a bank loan to be repaid when she gets a professional job after her Masters.

This has to be a joke?

It sounds like you are having a terrible time and it’s clear why you are accepting of it.
I am not going to join the pile on as I don’t think it’s helpful.
You do need to start saying no though. You deserve more than this.
Tell her now so she has time to adjust her expectations/ rant/ throw a shit fit. But stick to it.
You know you need to.

I really feel you - she's taking the piss. Of course you shouldn't pay ludicrous rent for her - and for 51 weeks too.

Basic accommodation - and pay it directly to them yourself, she may not pass it over - and she can make up the extra for different halls with the travel money she has. Tell her that as she hasn't kept the money for a deposit as she'd agreed, that you've decided that it can go towards her accommodation. If she blows up that it's her money, you promised etc, stick to your ground - she decided not to keep it for a deposit, and you've decided that her accommodation costs come out of it.

She has 6 months to work and can save a few thousand, rather than spending a few thousand on travelling.

Or you could of course say that she has to go to a uni close to home, so no accommodation costs, but she does sound very hard to live with.

sounds like she has expensive taste, cant afford it herself through student loans so now throwing a strop using emotional blackmail

she needs to grow up

Her expectations are ridiculous, and she has done nothing to help raise money herself. Her treatment of you is appalling.
I think you have to say no more help. She may be your daughter but she doesn't sound very nice.( Sorry) Let her get on with it .

Am really sorry but your daughter sounds a massively entitled person.
So in context my children all inherited 20k my daughter used it to study her MA in social work,she is now a social worker, she did live at home but was very grateful for our support!

I have Fibro so get the issues she has. I’ve also been a mature student who had to fund accommodation .

Shes an adult. If she wants posh accommodation, she’ll have to fund it. I would tell her you can give £x a month towards rent and food but that’s it. Do not put yourself through the worry of finding this money.

The rape threat is emotional blackmail and in poor taste. Yes, it happens but not to everyone who doesn’t live in these posh accommodation .

@ElbowsUpRising

Can she apply for a RIBA scholarship, OP?

https://www.architecture.com/education-cpd-and-careers/studying-architecture/advice-on-funding-your-architectural-studies/funding-opportunities-for-students-of-architecture

Sorry to be blunt but have you had some therapy for this? Because the relationship you have with your daughter sounds about as toxic. It’s your job as her mother not to keep her sweet at all costs but to teach her basic life skills like budgeting, showing respect, thinking of others. It honestly sounds as though you can’t do this at the moment because you’re scared of the relationship ending but, believe me, unless you start saying no and rebuilding the relationship properly you’ll both be more and more miserable.

If she’s prepared to go NC simply for enforcing some very sensible boundaries then, guess what, the relationship is not there in the first place.

Sorry OP but loans work differently for master's.

https://www.gov.uk/masters-loan/what-youll-get

She will get 12.5 grand and 11.5 of that needs to go on tuition. So she won't have 5k maintenance loan.

She could do with reading this thread and so should you OP!! Stop researching for her, let alone pay for it.

If she can fuck off travelling, she can get off her arse and earn too.

And think about what you said about being bullied by your mother and now, potentially your daughter. You need to be firm.

Good luck.

I studied architecture and don’t know anyone who lived in halls whilst doing their masters. We all lived in cheap house shares, some took up lodgings with older adults near uni if they wanted somewhere cheap and quiet and close to lectures and their studio.

Architecture is a long slog with low paid job prospects at the end, if she wants a certain standard of lifestyle, she needs a career rethink.

Fair enough, sounds like the break will do you both good.
My DS is home atm & looking for a short placement, he found one really quickly last year but it's taking a lot more work this time around. He says most of his cohort are struggling with placements this year, not sure if it's the increased NI and NMW now that they're all over 21 or just the general economic slowdown. It's certainly building resilience though.

Could she take a year out to work so that she can fund the difference herself?

You must be able to review costs across options. All unis will have their accommodate options public so you can research.

The cheaper options - more students sharing bathroom and making own meals.

Most expensive are en-suite and meals included.

DC, say that most UK students stay in the more affordable housing with the most expensive being 1st choice of affluent overseas students.

Go on a tour of the housing.

£13k is not normal
A medical condition might get a discount of DD needs something due to her condition. If it counts as a disability, there could be other accommodations, services & discounts based on medical needs. See school website and apply soon, it’s better to apply sooner.

safety and security on the street are not granteed because rent is high ?

No, architecture masters are treated the same as first degrees for student finance. It's treated as one long degree with some time out for work placements. As long as they start the masters with 3 years of finishing undergrad then same fee levels & funding apply.

I'd take my chances if I were you OP. You are being treated appallingly by your daughter and you must be so hurt. Would you actually feel any worse if she cut ties? Probably not. Oh, I'm so fucking sorry, you don't deserve this and you know it.

It’s very interesting that she isn’t worried about her safety in overseas hostels when it suits her, but can’t take a 15 minute bus ride because she’ll be raped 🙄
Time to put your foot down, OP, and use the money you were going to give her on therapy to unpack why you let her treat you like this.

Does she realise how badly paid architecture is for the first decade or so after graduation?

sorry I know that isn’t the issue here but I was stunned.

Sorry but if she can’t manage to work and do a full time postgrad then she needs to go her postgrad part time and get a job to pay her way - it’s ridiculous she thinks you should fund her entire lifestyle.

and you need to put your foot down. She doesn’t remotely think she’s spending her house deposit, she thinks you’ll fold and give her the money anyway.

So be it, probably do both of you a favour, shes treating you like shit

shes an adult, time for her to make her own and stop acting like a spoilt brat

Sorry I posted before reading all of the updates. I still think that if she wants that kind of luxury she should work for a year first.

i would really recommend getting some therapy for yourself though OP. It sounds as though you’ve had a difficult start with your “D”M and now have a very strange dynamic with your DD. Obviously your early years will LO doubt be affecting you now but o think you need some unpicking and time to work out just what your barriers are and how to put some in place.

Your daughter thinks she might get raped in manchester but not staying in hostels around the world! what kind of fucked logic is that?