What can I do with this sense of loss? **Title edited by MNHQ**

[MovingonupScotland]

Any ideas for coping with the sense of loss? Dropped my dc off for their first term at Uni last week. Since getting home I've spent most of the time in tears. I feel so unbearably lost. Thanks 😢

There is a Uni Starters 2024 thread a bit further down, joining that might be a bit of a help

I've been through it with three now and it's fine. It's only about nine/ ten weeks until they break up for Christmas, the terms are short then they get super long holidays. I guess it's harder if it's an only child. Just try to keep yourself busy.

This is not always the best forum for support - when I felt similar I was told I was being pathetic and to get on with it...

My only advice would be that it does get better, time helps, you gradually adjust to the new normal. Be kind to yourself and try to distract when possible.

I hope you start to feel better soon 🩵

Getting a bit of a plan of what you want to do might help too

Having lost a child and having DC going off to Uni I can tell you it is not like grief

Sorry I have no experience from a parents perspective.

However I remember my parents dropping me off at uni a few years ago and having a heavy feeling of sadness when they left.

So what I'm trying to say is these feelings are a two way street, maybe not as all encompassing for the person who gets to enjoy Freshers week and the excitement of new beginnings and opportunities.

I loved when my mum visited me and we got to explore a new city together. So maybe plan to go and visit them soon for a weekend?

I don't think you can compare it to death really tbh. I've sent one of to uni and it's great to see her flourishing. The second is about to go travelling for 3 months in Thailand. I'm more anxious about that tbh! I wish she was going to uni!

There's also a thread running called Why Doesn't Anyone Tell you About the Grief?

Maybe join WIWIKAU on Facebook where there are lots of other parents of Freshers with similar experiences. It does get easier.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through

Ah I feel for you op. We're extremely lucky in that dd is only on the next city so not far to travel to see her. She is just about to start her second year. I remember last year when we dropped her off I just sobbed all night, then just had a pit in my stomach for ages after and felt really down. Nothing can prepare you for it.

Tbf to OP you can grieve lots of different things, I don't think she meant to cause offence in any way.

I am so sorry for those who have lost a child. I in no way meant to offend.

Dictionary definition of grief - intense sorrow, keen mental suffering over loss of something important, including death.

I grieved for my marriage when I got divorced. The intensity of pain I am feeling now, with DC almost 500 miles away is similar.

Thank you 🙏🏼

I'll look it up. Thanks 🙏🏼

It is grief, it is loss and it is a bereavement. We don’t have to knock someone else down to race to the bottom. Yes it’s not the same as a child’s death but that doesn’t detract from the loss of the relationship you had or moving to the next stage. I always say that letting go is the hardest part of being a parent. It will ease, and it will get better. There will be a change in your relationship and that is really hard! Things will get easier though. Have a cry, let it go and move on. Think of what you can do during reading week or Christmas. Plan some lovely things to do together 🥰

That's a fantastic post

Thank you for understanding.

Grief is not just about death - it's about loss.

It is grief. Grief is more than about death. You can grieve the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job role, your health, your future goals etc. Please show empathy to others in losing something other than a loved one. Any loss can generate grief and a feeling of bereavement even if there’s not a death involved.

♥️Thank you @MrsElijahMikaelson1

Have been there as you can tell. Cried for several days before giving myself a talking to! Still have my moments and just entering 3rd year. I try hard to be positive and encourage DD to explore the world and make the most of it! But it’s strange to not know what they are doing and where they are all the time, and not being their most important person. Parenting an adult is different for sure!
Give yourself time and plan things for yourself 🥰

@harriethoyle

It certainly is - or can be - an experience of grief
It's a sense of loss.

It can bring up the memory and unresolved feelings from past losses.
It can be a loss of identity too

You can feel grief at the loss of a job, a marriage, a friendship, a future you thought you'd have, your health, the planet. There is nothing to be offended about.

It's also completely possible to feel excited and proud for your young person at the same time as feeling grief.

My precious first born heads off on Sunday. There is a huge sense of things never being the same again, even though I'm always someone who embraces change.

I don't mean to belittle but I don't really understand. I love my children so fiercely, and I miss my boy who is at uni such a lot, but I can't grieve him going. I am so happy that he is doing what he lives and thriving and growing into maturity. It's a pleasure.

I grieve more for the one who didn't manage to get to uni because of mental ill health. He is living such a tiny little life in comparison. I hope that one day he finds a way to be well and strike out to at least semi independent living.

I suppose I may feel differently when my youngest leaves for uni?