Current Oxbridge students - continued again...!

[Panicmode1]

Think the other thread is full....!

Thanks for the good advice, @pivoinerose . Sounds like DS is in a very similar situation to your DD2’s. I know that he would prefer to stick with his established friends-and they are a lovely lot- but they are also ridiculously rubbish at planning, so pinning them down for meet ups is hard. Maybe he will need to squat at his old college a couple of days a week to make sure that he sees them!

DD3's partner was another historian who moved college for his MSt. His original college will be completely fine with your DS coming in and out - all the porters will know him. It's his own home turf (all the colleges that mine have been at are always clear that their undergrad college is theirs for life (alumni donations :)), so maybe your DS should use their library rather than others, then he's on site a lot of the time, to meet up with the friends more naturally.

That’s really helpful advice - thanks. DS can be reluctant to push against perceived rules or boundaries, but if he knows that there is precedent for students to use their first college, that would probably help him.

DS has popped home for the night (mostly to meet with friends who are home from other unis for reading week) and it’s lovely to see how he’s changing already. He’s incredibly busy but really motivated, and it feels like he’s grown up loads.

The only slight frustration is that he’s at a college where they have to buy a set number of meals, but due to sports commitments and limits on numbers, he’s rarely making it to hall. Does anyone know if the credits carry over in those circumstances?

How are other newbie students faring? Merest hint of a wobble from our DD; not quite the ubiquitous imposter syndrome, but certainly out of the honeymoon period. She's comparing colleges and wondering if the grass is greener (academic, because she was pooled and actual college suits her well, but she stubbornly only looked round a couple before applying and perhaps is realising in hindsight that maybe my encouragement to view a few wasn't completely unreasonable!). Mainly, tutorial comments rather hit home how much of a step up it is and I think she's annoyed at herself for slacking a bit on the essay. Even though she knew everyone says they get slated at the start and are a bit shocked having been cruising through school, it still stung, I think. Having said all that, she still seems in good spirits and not feeling overwhelmed with the rest of the experience. All part of adjusting I suppose.

My daughter seems to be settling well, she hasn't joined any clubs or anything as she says she is too busy trying to figure out how to fit in all the studying but she is making the most of socialising in and around college. She has been sending me some photos and she looks genuinely happy in all of them so I'm taking that as a good sign. She's ordered the college puffa and is looking forward to the Halloween Formal . On the suggestion of @LaundryFairy I have an advent calendar to send her in time for November 1st for Oxmas.

@TenSheds That sounds difficult but I am sure you right and it is all part of figuring out what's required of them. My daughter is doing a STEM subject, and she said that she felt completely out of her depth in her first lab and that she has really struggled with some of the questions on her problem sheets (that's the prep she has to do for her tutorials, I guess equivalent to essays?). She says she is getting good feedback though and I am just encouraging her to keep asking questions and to take any feedback as constructive to help her progress, rather than a criticism because ultimately the tutors and the university have a vested interest in the students doing well.

I am really missing her. We used to talk such a lot and if she wasn't at home she'd always respond right away to messages etc, but obviously that's not happening now. I message her each morning to say that I hope she slept well and hope she has a good day. At some point during the day we do sent each other a funny or cute Insta reel. But the pace of communication has really changed. I am hoping to go and take her out for lunch either this weekend or next, as we only live a couple of hours away.

DS isn't doing great. He's been ill for the past two weeks and ended up seeing the local GP.
He's also missed some lectures and tutorials but apparently the tutors have been understanding. I hope it won't end up causing difficulties further down the line.
It's hard to know how to help at a distance other than encourage him that things will get better.
If I'm honest I'm finding it really difficult as he just seems unhappy.

It is a while since I have posted here. OH has been enduring nearly two years of chemo and surgery for breast cancer but now treatment has ended. Just(!) cosmetic surgery to go now. Good to see some familiar names and new ones too. DS has commenced his last year at C. He has matured considerably and is, as far as we can see, thoroughly relishing his remaining time as an undergraduate. His ambition to return for a Master's is undimmed and he has, at last, achieved his aim of getting on the CU tennis team. He tried in his first year but the places in the lower teams were rapidly occupied by upper team players throttling back to concentrate on academic matters and thereby freezing out the new intake. He has a good, close and supportive circle of college friends. He split up with a first term first year GF a year ago to concentrate on his studies and he's remained steadfast in that outlook. Mathematics remains (mother apart, it must be said) his first love.

@Clemenc0 lovely news about OH. Onwards & upwards!

Good news @Clemenc0 .

To Fresher parents, don't worry! Having been there, then seeing things from the perspective of DD when she started to supervise (tutor) 1st years when she started her PhD, as long as the undergrads are engaging in the work, don't worry. If the undergrads don't understand concepts from lectures or labs, supervisions/tutorials are a good opportunity for some additional input, so they should take advantage of them. The fact that at Oxbridge they are in very small groups is one of the biggest selling points to my way of thinking.

I had a lovely day with DD1 as she took some time off to come up to my dad's place last week. We had a great morning in Manchester, then she did some bits to help around DF's flat before she and I went to our first ever Champions' League match with my cousin. It's a shame she had to dash off the next day, but it was great to see her.

Good to hear others updates - first term is so exhausting with many lows and highs - it's a confusing and intense time. and remind your DC to be kind to themselves and keep taking vitamin tablets. We are in 3rd week in O, and 5th week is known to be particularly tough.

@Clemenc0 so pleased to hear your OH is coming through their treatment well. Must have been exhausting and worrying. Your DC seems to be thriving.

DC2 rather down today as on Saturday her cafetière exploded causing 2nd degree burns on her wrist and she is off her Blues training for a few days. A&E at the JR were hopeless on Saturday offering a few dressings but all too small. Thankfully the College Nurse was super after the GP refused to see her today. Very frustrating as they are training 11 times a week so any days off get you behind....

Sympathy @Manahoy , it's the worst feeling as a parent being unable to help a child in pain or distress. I hope things get better soon.

Thanks @Malbecfan and @WutheringConniption . She's definitely engaging with it and does like the tutorial system. It's less obvious how an essay's gone until you get the feedback so she was unprepared for not having hit the mark. I'm still getting random messages a few times a week, which is lovely - events of interest and in-jokes. I don't think that will change any time soon 😊

Sympathy @Manahoy hope he feels better soon. Everything is much harder when you are feeling ill! Also @Juja ouch that sounds painful, hope your DD recovers quickly. Pleased to read your news @Clemenc0

DS is doing ok, seems to be settling into a routine and has managed to hand in work for supervisions and find his way to the department (he refuses to ride a bike so he's been catching the U bus - he could walk but that would take more time). We are in regular contact on whatsapp but have also seen him in person a few times as we are so local.

I think it can be a really big adjustment for young people who have never struggled at school and always been top of the class to find that work is aimed so much higher. DS has struggled a bit with some of the example sheets but I told him that as long as he has tried his best the supervisor would help with the parts where he got stuck.

Ouch @Juja sympathies to that DC and best wishes for a speedy recovery.

@TenSheds if it's any consolation, DD decided to opt for History & Philosophy of Science as one of her 2nd year options. Her then DoS tried to put her off: "But MalbecChild, there's loads of reading and you have to hand in an essay every week". Her response was "Dr Z, I do have an A level in English Literature" to which his reply was "You'll love it"! Due to the strange system in our school at that time, DD did in fact have an A level in English and had always got top marks so was confident that she could smash out essays. Her first grade put that illusion firmly back in its box. It took her almost the whole term to get her essays to the point where she was getting decent marks. "A level marking is nothing like academic work" was her takeaway from the whole experience.

@Manahoy it's hard when they are a distance away, but the college system does at least seem to be quite good when they are either unwell or struggling in other ways. I sent the DDs back to uni with such staples as Chicken Noodle CupaSoup (our go to when under the weather) and I know they always used them up. Missing lectures or tutorials because they are unwell is not a big deal, especially in the 1st year. I'm pretty sure that they are all recorded so once they feel up to it, they can have a look. Encourage them to reach out to their college welfare people too - that's what they are there for. Fingers crossed for them picking up quickly.

Thank you @TenSheds @IThinkImAMathmoMum and @Malbecfan

He's managed to go to lectures today so that's an improvement.

@Malbecfan your knowledge about being able to catch up is reassuring. I think the fact he's at such an academically intense university has made me worry much more about that side of it than if he'd been somewhere else. So thanks 😊

My daughter has sent me the options for matriculation official photos/prints. I've told her to order the framed one - I remembered someone on one of these threads recommending that as they are non standard sizes (?). Plus, I know me, if it arrives rolled up in a tube I'll stash it somewhere and never deal with it.

@Manahoy that sounds very difficult for you to grapple with - my daughter has said that a lot of people in her college are unwell and that 'freshers flu' is taking a lot of people down. Everything seems worse when we're unwell. I hope he's on the mend soon and then fingers crossed the fog will begin to lift.

@Juja Your comment about vitamins made me smile - Berocca was on 3 for 2 on Ocado when I did the shop to send my daughter off with! I've told her to take it every day until it runs out and then she has multi vitamins for after 😆

@Clemenc0 I'm sorry for what you have all been through and am glad you are coming out the other side now.

@WutheringConniption completely agree about getting college matriculation photo framed - I got the unframed one 36 years ago and its still unframed - got both my two framed versions.

@Manahoy to pleased your DS managed to get to lectures today - that's good news - one day at a time. Tough watching them struggle from a distance isn't it. The other challenge is the intensity that losing a few days or a couple of weeks in a uni term seems so intense while in normal working life it hardly counts. Hope tomorrow is another positive day.

Wondering if anyone else has read the hatchet job on Cambridge on the front page of the Spectator this week (I hasten to add I am not a fan of the magazine!). Written by an outgoing classics professor and singling it out for pandering to snowflakery and wokery. My DC has had to deliver 4 essays in the last week and a half so I beg to differ!
https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/decline-and-fall-how-university-education-became-infantilised/

I feel I've read that article/novel so many times over the past 30 years though. Always a curious coincidence that the quality of education apparently dropped off sharply once the author was past 25.

Still baby steps here. She’s hiding in her room, chatting with online gaming friends, eating cheese sandwiches and vitamins. However, she is getting on really well with the work and hasn’t succumbed to any leurgies… I have to believe that the rest will come gradually 😬it’s a marathon not a sprint

@FreddieStandensBFF I think that is all promising, Freddie. If they are managing the work and finding their own comfort mode, there is plenty of time to socially expand.

I had the most lovely call with DS last night. After all of the turmoil around changing modules - and then changing back, he's got his STEM mojo back and was enthusing about his lab project. Although it's all very intense, he says he's really enjoying everything again. Hurrah! Our DC3 (Lower 6) is going up for formal hall on Sunday and has a tour of the faculty with DS1 on Monday...I don't think he will be applying to follow in his brother's footsteps but it's a day off school and a chance to think about what he may want to apply to uni for - currently hasn't got a clue...!

That's lovely @Panicmode1 ! Hope DC3 enjoys the trip and it sparks ideas.

How is she doing @FreddieStandensBFF?

I've not been posting on the thread as ds finished his Masters (integrated) in the summer but I do pop on to catch up with the latest news.
To the new posters - 'all will be well'. It may take some time but I do think the college system helps. My ds had a terrible start (Covid), didn't want to go back in 2nd year but hugely enjoyed 3rd and 4th, finished with a Distinction and I'm incredibly proud - today is Graduation Day! Just about to leave to drive to Ox and as proud as can be.

@Panicmode1 so pleased your DS is loving his course again.

@beeswain have a lovely day and well done to your DS.

To those settling in for Y1 hope it is going well. It was about this time last year DD was at a low point. The first few weeks they had gone easy on them, but things had ramped up, she had taken on a few shows at the ADC, was coming down with Fresher’s Flu and suddenly felt overwhelmed. She more made it through, now does twice as much without issue and as @beeswain says ‘all will be well’.