Current Oxbridge students - continued again...!

[Panicmode1]

Think the other thread is full....!

Agree with @LaundryFairy
DS (who sounds quite similar to LaundryFairy's DC in many ways) enjoys the Bridgemas celebrations, and an early advent calendar helps bring a smile in the second half of a busy term.

That’s a brilliant tip, @LaundryFairy thanks!

Hope you’re finding your feet without her, @WutheringConniption This is our first morning waking up to an empty house and it’s distinctly odd. I have an uncharacteristic urge to clean and tidy, so I’ll try to take advantage of it!

@LaundryFairy Thank you for that - that's a really lovely idea and I've added a calendar to my next Ocado order and will post it to her in good time!

@FreddieStandensBFF The house feels very different without her here - I just keep reminding myself that she does seem to be settling and that it's a new kind of normal that will feel more natural eventually. Unfortunately I don't have your urge to clean though 😆

Aww @FreddieStandensBFF and @WutheringConniption I share your pain. DD2 has now moved out completely as she works full time 200 miles away. DD1 is nearing the end of her PhD so doesn't come home like she used to at the ends of terms when she was an undergraduate. She has spent something like a week here so far in 2024 - she has flown around the world though! Just when they moved on, my elderly DF has moved in, so the empty nest doesn't really exist here.

@Malbecfan classic sandwich generation x Your daughter sounds like an excellent adult. I lost a parent earlier this year, following caring responsibilities. I hope all works out with your dad.

Lovely video call with DD today. She's really enjoyed Freshers' week and has been delighted to find lots of people she clicks with, and that Oxford is small enough that she bumps into them regularly. Asked all the boring mum questions about adulting, and that seems to be going ok too. Phew! Looking forward to hearing about week 1 proper next weekend.

I could have written this exact post about my DD after video calling her yesterday at the end of freshers’ week!

@FreddieStandensBFF How's your DD getting on - hope she's settling a bit?

How is everyone doing? DS seems to be settling, enjoying lectures and getting involved in a couple of societies. I told him today well done for surviving week one of lectures! I suspect the real work is yet to kick in as supervisions have not started yet so hopefully he will be organised enough to hand things in at the right time/place and not procrastinate too much once that all gets going.

The pic he sent us from matriculation was pretty terrible, he looks like someone who has never worn a tie before (which I suppose is pretty accurate). Oh well.

It got worse before it 🤞got better. We ended up going back through Oxford and speaking to the Welfare team who did respond very quickly. However she does seem more settled and got her first essay in ok on Tuesday. I hope she’s going to join the soc where she’ll probably find her tribe tomorrow. Thanks for asking 💛

@FreddieStandensBFF that definitely sounds like several steps in the right direction - well done to you and your DD. I am sure early intervention with the welfare team will have paid off. Our DC1 wasn't open about his struggles and we only recently learnt how hard the first two terms (he's just graduated). By summer term of Year 1 he was much more settled but a long haul.

Do hope the society meeting tomorrow is a success. Day by day - step by step.

DD is home for a short visit. She is full of cold, has a lot of work on. She struggled through Fresher’s Flu last year and didn’t come home to prove to herself she could be poorly without her dad’s cooking and mum’s hugs, this time she says now she’s proved she can do it doesn’t mean she has to do it again.

Several essays a week, lots of reading. One lot of supervisions takes place late on a Monday with deadline for essay for next supo on the Friday morning means she has really just three days for the essay (she helps Monday evenings with a Cambridge Brownie Pack). On top of the two topics each with supervisions / classes she is doing a dissertation on top which include weekly meetings with her dissertation supervisor with pre-reading means work load is quite intense compared to Y1. It isn’t the contact hours that are onerous, just juggling all the reading, essays etc - she is coping and has always been a good organiser and planner but was sad to turn down a part in a play as she just doesn’t think she can fit it in.

Have been quiet as work has been manic and DS has been agonising over his third year module choices so there have been lots of calls and conversations. Anyway having started on one path, he's now reverted back to pure engineering so has some catching up to do. I don't know whether he's done the right thing; he was so stressed out about pressure, exams and the course last year, but he felt the new direction "wasn't hard enough and didn't have enough maths" which he enjoys. Time will tell I guess!

Glad the freshers are all starting to find their feet and hopefully feel happier. It's tough when it feels as though everyone is enjoying it more than you or has settled better (which I'm sure for many is a clever illusion of confidence).

Ds was rejected after 4 interviews for a job. God it's hard isn't it! Usual level of silence since then, we aren't frequent chatters.

It's nice to be reading about freshers and first years. I hope they continue to enjoy bits of late sunshine.

Wow @Panicmode1 it's so admirable that he wants the harder path!!

I'm not sure it's the right choice @PermanentTemporary but he's always pushed himself to the limit (and beyond last year). He does sound happier though so perhaps I'm wrong.

I'm so sorry to hear about your DS - 4 interviews and then a rejection is brutal. However, from what you have said, he is a superstar so I'm sure he will find something far better soon.

I'm doubly blessed (😉) with job seekers currently -DS and DH. The latter's need for a job is somewhat more pressing than the former's however, and it's a very tough job market for straight white men in their 50s it seems 😔

@IThinkImAMathmoMum DS tends to look quite dishevelled in photos. Not in an arty way, more in a didn't-check-in-a-mirror-before-going-out way. I have got used to checking / styling his appearance before taking family photos. Just basic stuff like making sure his collar isn't inside out or shirt misbuttoned.

I took a photo of him in our garden the day before he left wearing a suit and gown as I knew he would be matriculating online (October 2020) and there would be no photo at college.

Fortunately when it comes to graduation they were checked / styled twice by staff, once before leaving the college and a second time when entering Senate House in case they had become windswept on the way.

He seems to be settling into his course well (doing a lot of reading for a STEM student) and has met up with a group to start a new D&D campaign for this term.

@Ironoaks I showed a friend and she said he looked like a mathematician so I guess I should not have been surprised! He really doesn't care about his appearance and I completely relate to adjusting his clothing before family photos. Good to know they will check him at graduation!!

Really sorry to hear about your DS’ experience with interviews @PermanentTemporary . It’s hard not to become deeply invested and hopeful after four interviews. This part of parenting, when the stakes are high and you feel powerless to help, is so hard.

@PermanentTemporary I do hope your DS is able to pick themselves up - they've done so well to get through 4 interviews - will they get any feedback? I'm well aware of the lack of communication from DS - hopefully he's friends he can chat to.

@Ironoaks sounds as thought the start of term is going well and glad his D&D campaign is getting off the ground...

DC2 is also settling well into term but having been there for 5 weeks pre term training she has now come down with a bug - not surprising but frustrated to be missing a formal last night and training this weekend. Term is so intense missing a weekend seems like the end of the world....

Spoke to DS yesterday and he seems to be coping ok with the transition to MSt studies, and his first meeting with dissertation supervisor went well.

Domestic arrangements are more difficult - the change of college has left him feeling more isolated from his friends. DS isn’t good at initiating social contact (ASD), and so hasn’t got to know anyone on his course outside of classes.

Are a reasonable number of his undergrad friends still in Oxford LaundryFairy?

Yes there are a few in their fourth year, but they are all on the other side of the city at his old college. He found it much easier to keep regular contact with them when they could just quickly grab a meal together in halls. I know how much he relied on them for support over the past three years, so I’m just a little concerned about how he will cope.

Tricky LaundryFairy. Is he near their faculties during the day? It definitely requires some pro-activity from your DS to meet up. Masters courses can be a very different experience from undergrad. DD2 was a historian who stayed on but moved college (for financial reasons). She certainly mostly stuck with fourth year friends from her original college. A lot of incomers from other unis were keen to integrate but things just seemed to fall back naturally with her existing friendship group. I feel for him - but early days. I guess important to tell him not to lose touch and to make contact as much as he's comfortable doing.