Current Oxbridge students - continued again...!

[Panicmode1]

Think the other thread is full....!

Dropped DD at Oxford yesterday and today - feeling a little bereft as second child and now empty nesters . It’s so beautiful and I hope she has an amazing time - appears to be currently on the optional post tea pub crawl . DH went to the same college so he is now recounting the events of 37 years ago minute by minute 🤯

We dropped DS off at Oxford yesterday. His college (central Oxford) didn’t offer slots and it was all rather chaotic - we turned up initially and couldn’t get into the road because so many cars were queuing - we had to drive around for 20 mins and try again!

But otherwise all ok - he has a tiny room, not on the main quads but a great location which hope minimizes any disappointment. We brought back a few things that just couldn’t fit in.

It’s not really sunk in yet that he’s not here - he’s an only child so it’s just the two of us now.

Still on a high from excitement of drop-off yesterday. Hoping that by the time it sinks in it'll be time to think about picking her up again. DD was fizzing like a shaken up can from the moment she woke up yesterday and was still bubbling when I left, happily unpacking and getting to know her staircase buddies. She's happy with her room allocation and eager to get stuck in to the week's action packed Freshers' events. I found it hard to tear myself away from the beautiful college and Oxford in general, but am relieved to have precisely no worries about DD's happiness and wellbeing.

DD’s been there less than a day, and the freshers have already been reprimanded for the state of the JCR. They’re obviously starting as they mean to go on!

@WobblyLondoner well done on the drop off. We are Y2 with a sole DD, I hate the house and how it feels without her. We stayed away with friends last year and are away again this year.

Booked In for a formal for DD’s birthday in Lent term, plus a few visits for productions she is involved in. We had some of her friends visit us over summer so it all seems to even out.

Love reading all the drop off stories! Our first one with D1 came up on my camera reels this week (the wettest October weekend in history). Fwiw we ignored slots and would tell the plodge that we'd been driving for over 5 hrs (true) and it was never a problem.

D1, still in Oxford, has just started a new job (a one year contract) before hopefully starting her masters.

And what a weekend that was JulesJules....

Tough drop off. Anyone got any inspiring tales of their DC surviving extreme homesickness, please?

Sorry to hear that @FreddieStandensBFF. Can your DC reach out to the college nurse or wellbeing lead, or even just go chat to the porters for a bit?

@FreddieStandensBFF DD was part of the covid Oct 2020 intake. She started with a massive dose of imposter syndrome thanks to Gavin Williamson. Then she went into 10 days of isolation within a few days of starting when an international student on her staircase brought covid with them.

A few hours after coming out of isolation, her granny passed away. In 6 short weeks my dad had a cardiac arrest, one granny had died and my mum had a stroke 2 weeks later.

She managed to stay in college when Boris & chums sent uni students home again. She learnt to row. She played tennis. She kept going and then caught covid whilst sitting her prelims. Somehow made it through and graduated last year.

Will that do?

Thanks, @SOWK I hope she will. She was supposed to go to Hall with college parents, I hope she did.

@FreddieStandensBFF homesickness varies a huge amount between people but is much more common that most students let on. Has she college parents she can talk to? Or others on her course. Just getting out of her room for a few things each day is important. There will be low key activities as well as all the freshers parties. Having small regular conversations and bit by bit it will get better. One DC when low and introverted just tends to stay in their room which is generally counter productive so I'm aware how tricky it can be.

I know it is heart breaking being a parent to a homesick young person. Hold strong as freshers week can be a miserable experience for those not wanting to put themselves out there. It will pass and normal term with regular clubs, sports and lectures & tutorials will give some structure.

That’s some impressive resilience @Dearover you must have been very proud of her, as well as being worried to death at times.

Thanks, @Juja , I think that’s it, even though there’s a great range of different activities, if you are shy it all feels equally daunting. She did go to hall with college parents, she said, so that’s a relief. I hope she’ll gradually get more used to it 🤞

I assume she has to eat in hall? Encourage her to sit with someone/anyone. Smile, ask how they're getting on, where are they from etc. There will be a lot who are feeling a bit lost and bewildered too.

@FreddieStandensBFF well done to your DD for going to Hall with her college parents - college life is an alien environment for many many students but soon becomes pretty normal - one day at a time .... hopefully at freshers fair she will find some societies that interest her and make socialising a little less stressful. As @Dearover says trying to make a little chit chat over meals is good, the person your DD is sitting next too may feel equally awkward / shy / unhappy.
(sorry for all the typos in my previous post - shouldn't multi task! I was meant to say 'Our DC' ie my DC not one DC! )

FreddieStandensBFF please tell your DD that once freshers' week is a distant memory very many of her college peers will share how much they hated it. Not being the life and soul in freshers' week has no bearing whatsoever on how many good friends you end up with once the dust has settled. Hang on in there! Life often improves markedly for the shy ones once term begins.

But meanwhile: exactly what's been suggested above. Inch through and don't burrow (completely) in your room.

The rain was biblical - in photos D1 looks like a little drowned rat (in a mask, this being 2020) in front of various Oxford landmarks

We dropped off DS and stayed for the parent tea that was on offer. Surprisingly few parents stayed, but it was nice to see DS chatting to other students before we left. He didn't want to leave the tea to say goodbye to us, which seemed like a good sign!
He's sent through some photos of his first formal which was unexpected and very lovely to receive.

FreddieStandensBFF I hope your DD has had a better day today.

Tip for matriculation photos - it is cheaper in the long run to buy them framed because they are non standard sizes and buying frames after the fact is £££. DD1 learnt this the hard way when a bespoke frame was serious money even from online discount frame store.

DD2 (3rd year C) spent yesterday at Freshers Fair recruiting for her extra curricular- and came away having signed up to a new sport ‘for fun’. I admire her optimism. Today she came back down to earth with a bump in the form of 2 x 2 hour seminars on Greek tragedy.

Thanks all, she did the compulsory bits, adored the library tours and avoided the Freshers drinks reception and formal. She’s still there anyway!

Just checking in to the memories of matriculation.
My DC had a picture taken by a fountain, sent me the leaflet from gilcrest and soames (i think) and i ordered a picture for grandparents. I was not permitted to go myself.
I think you could attend incognito, as there are loads of tourists taking photos, but you won't be standing anywhere near your beloved child!
My DC is freshers rep this year and is really embracing the role - has done welfare talks and planned activities. They try to have an 'introvert activity' (eg film night) with 'extrovert activity' (eg pub crawl and club) every evening, so there should be stuff for the quieter students.
Also agree to consider societies - board game club seems a great one to me as it is activity focused but my DC was seduced by rowing so there go my hopes of family games at christmas with studenty friends....

Really lovely to read all od the drop off tales, though @FreddieStandensBFF that sounds really upsetting but it sounds like steps are being made in the right directions and hopefully once lectures and supervisions set in properly, a routine and more connections will form.

We dropped our daughter off earlier this week but stayed on a bit in the city (to be around but honestly mostly for our benefit to have a couple of days holiday). There were some tears on drop off day, which I know is normal but I hadn't expected given how excited she's been. The torrential rain didn't really help. Regardless she threw herself into meeting some people from offer holder day and we've been messaging a lot and I feel confident that she's settling and finding her feet.

I now need to find my feet without her at home.

A tip for those with DC new to Oxbridge this year- the celebration of ‘Oxmas’ (and, I believe, ‘ Bridgemas’) happens on the 25th of November, so it is a nice idea to send an early advent calendar for them to start on the 1st of November. Last year I ordered one direct from Tony’s chocolate to be delivered to halls and that went over quite well.