Don't know how I feel about DS going to Uni

[FunnysInLaJardin]

I am obviously very proud, but veer between being so very sad and so very happy for him.

I feel such mixed emotions to the extent that I dont know how I actually feel.

All the emotions are mixed up!

Anyone else?

Mine moved into her hall of residence yesterday 😭

All fine so far, as far as I know! She has her best friend with her, which does feel reassuring - though she's already making friends on her corridor.

Been lurking as I’ve been taken aback about how sad I feel about DD19 heading off later this week. She’s not much better to be fair!

i found this podcast good: open.spotify.com/episode/0XljtPOBrznsIwQr9tyHMa?si=9sYZny3WSG28McptD8PBZg&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A7vz4RYsD5MulTCrcH478t1&t=4347

Thanks! - I'll have a listen!

DD moved in on Saturday - she seems to be doing well and making friends, going out to freshers events etc, though she did say she felt homesick 😢 But I'm sure this will settle.

I'm doing OK - mostly happy and excited for her and all the great experiences she'll have, though I do miss her. Her dad, on the other hand, is an emotional wreck ! I'm having to deliver regular pep talks about how this is a good thing and what's supposed to happen, she has to leave and spread her wings, etc etc.

I'm the emotional wreck here, taking DD tomorrow and have felt like bursting in to tears all day. Can't start because then won't stop.
just got to get through tomorrow then I can have a good cry in the car when I leave!

I’m exactly the same. DD goes tomorrow and I’m trying so hard to keep it together. She is nervous and a bit anxious and I’m trying to stay positive for her. But inside I just want to cry. But I will save my tears and heartache for the journey home. This is just so hard. I’m going to miss her so much. I feel like I will be leaving part of my heart in Liverpool 😭 I know I will be fine but that initial ‘leaving home’ period is bloody brutal x

Same here. Taking DD tomorrow. Feeling so emotional, my heart is breaking and swelling with pride at the same time.

Thanks everyone who has shared their experiences. DS is off to uni in the morning. He has a number of health conditions, and is neurodiverse and I am genuinely worried and happy in a confusing mix of emotions.

To raise children read ro take this important leap is an achievement. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to gain a university education, or even live in. So another emotion I am feeling is gratitude.

Moved dd in today. Room was newly renovated much nicer than one we had seen on offer day. Some flatmates there, they knocked on for her to go out with them and seemed nice. We are absolutely shattered in hotel. She’s out. Will take her food shopping tomorrow then head home. Will hit me when she’s not coming home with us tomorrow I think. She’s really happy with her choice and I can really see her here.

That’s great to hear. Wishing her well.

Wishing them all well. We go tomorrow. Feeling very emotional and not used to feeling like this. Mostly very excited for her and trying to focus on that.

DD has generally been getting on fine but phoned last night crying and homesick 😭 So now I'm worrying again! I think she's just mainly tired from too many late nights and adjusting to the pressures of communal living. She's making friends and going out etc and generally doing well but I suppose these ups and downs are natural.

Still feeling 😭 though. Just want to give her a hug.

@MelodyMalone I think you are spot on and she will be fine. I hope you are ok. It's so hard to bear knowing you have to let them get on with it.

Thanks for those words, @tisallabitofafaff Basically, if I think she's happy, I'm happy. It's just if I think she might not be that I start worrying 😄 But of course she's going to have ups and downs and not be super happy at all times!

I know I need to let go at some point and stop fretting. But it's early days I guess. It's been a week today, in fact. 😲

DS has a move in date, somehow they had not sent out the email. Possibly because he was an unconditional (gap year) and had submitted most of the paperwork before A level results day.
He is very relaxed about it all, a bit too relaxed to be honest. Every time I pin him down to sort stuff out he disappears for yet another goodbye drink with friends. The funny thing is that most of them are at Uni in the same city he is moving to.
He has been working away from home for the last few months, during the week, so we have seen less and less of him. More importantly the dog has got used to him not being around all the time, she is the one who will miss him most.

Got back last night from dropping DD at Liverpool. It’s a great city, halls are amazing, massive room and everyone seems really nice. Also took her to do a big Aldi shop and when I said I needed to start heading back, she said to me in this sad voice ‘aren’t you going to help me put the shopping away’ 😢

We’ve both been in tears plenty of times and I’m still crying a lot now. I really did not expect to feel this way and I think it’s partly tied up with a lot of other changes around work and home that have happened in the last year or two. This is a bit like the last piece of the puzzle.

In the podcast I linked to above, she suggest we ask our kids what they think we should do as our big project in the next few years. I asked DD when we were out for dinner the night before and I was amazed at how insightful and encouraging her answer was. Oh god, I’m going to start crying again… 😄

It’s a great city, halls are amazing

@myturntonamechange, hello there. If the halls are 1 Islington Plaza you must be one of the lucky ones with the room. I’m happy for you. But if you could see what my loved one got you’d not be able to believe your eyes. I’d love to post the pictures we’ve taken but they are remedying things and once that’s done we’ll then take it further.

I was in your position 2 years ago. We dropped dd1 off the day before her 19th birthday. I really didnt know how I'd feel. We stayed the night in a Premier Inn, rang her after breakfast next day to say happy birthday & to see if she wanted us to come over. She said she'd only just woken up & for us to go home (160 miles away). Rang her later & she said that most other students' families were there so she was by herself! I felt really bad. Luckily they took her to the pub later. After arriving home I went in her room to collect any washing & it was so empty & quiet I just burst in to tears & cried on and off for the next 2 weeks. But it's amazing how you quite quickly get used to it. It helps that dd1 loves the city she lives in & has a massive circle of amazing friends. I'm just so happy for her (and it's nice having more time to myself!)

I relate to this, also have a neurodiverse child with a physical health condition.

And the pandemic made things worse for all our children. And naturally increased our worry for them.

I do feel confident my DD is emotionally and physically strong enough to cope. A year out so she’s older and also has good work experience was a very positive thing. The disability support she’s getting seems v good. Her room is nice.

But of course I will still worry!

@AnnieMcFannysorry to hear your DC’s accommodation isn’t great, hope they get it sorted. My DD is in Greenbank, a friend of hers in Crowne has also ended up in a bit of a rubbish situation.

@Funkyslippers glad your DD managed to navigate her birthday well. Something like that in the early days can have such an impact.

I've just got back from dropping at Greenbank in Liverpool too. DD1 went up to Edinburgh last year and now DD2 gone too.

I've come home and shut their bedroom door as I can't bear to go in there at the moment!

I felt the same and was dreading dropping my son to uni yesterday , I thought I was going to be an emotional wreck but actually seeing how happy and excited was just made me feel happy 😊

The first time you do it will be horrible but it does get easier. I now use dd1's bedroom as a dressing room 🤣

@Funkyslippers thanks, yes I'm sure it will. I've already promised a desk in their room to a friend with younger kids and I'm looking at my yoga mat here on the lounge floor thinking this could go in their room now!!

You might as well put her room to good use! I always spend a few hours cleaning & tidying dd's room when she's due home (and getting rid of any evidence of my stuff 🤣)

Extensive special needs aside being a good parent means eventually your young person never 'needs' you. They might choose to have a relationship with you and lean on you in times of trouble, as you might lean on them. Seeing them fly is always bittersweet.

DD going into Y2 at Uni. She is home for holidays as she has to vacate each term. We go to theatre when she is home, she has a bit of work in the holidays, she takes us out for a meal every so often, she fixes DH's mobile when it is playing up. We sit round the dinner table and talk. This weekend we cut back the lavender in the garden together. We miss her when she is not there and by the end of the holidays are quite happy for some time without her too (albeit, only momentarily!). The relationshop is more of a symbiosis.

We know she is likely to move out permanantly in the next five to ten years. She already has the (very healthy) deposit for a house from an inheritance.My dining room is now a sewing room which keeps me involved with a hobby for when the weather is bad. On top of a full-time job I do volunteer visits at the weekends to nursing homes for those who don't have children and generally keep busy with community projects and a charity I am a Trustee for. Just the cycle of life.

For now I can't be at home for the first weekend after she has gone back to Uni, last year I went to friends for a long weekend, this year we are away for a week in the sun. It is just my coping mechanism, a way of looking forward.

The cat misses her too. Lots. We send DD pictures of the cat, do bReal and DD calls me most days (always her call to make the call, not me). It is just a morph in the relationship to something I've found quite special. The relationship traumas however...it was so much easier changing a nappy! 😜