Is WIWIKAU overly sensitive?

[Ohmygoodness23]

I joined a Facebook group called What I wish I knew about university (WIWIKAU) about 4 months ago in readiness for my eldest going off to uni (he is now 8 weeks into his first year). Haven’t checked in for a while but did earlier this evening and discovered that I have been barred from the group!! I only replied to a few posts - one, offering advice about accommodation in Newcastle (which was well received); two, saying to a parent that it should be their DC’s decision not their’s about clearing unis and RG is not the be all and end all; and three - saying that it was premature and absurd for a fresher DC to drop out within a week coz they hadn’t made friends yet. I was very polite at all times. But I am banned from WIWIKAU now. No recourse or appeal mechanism.

There is a lovely poster who comments about medicine abroad,

I know who you mean. I find her posts very thoughtful and helpful. I also only reply about DD's university.

I'm aways surprised that so many posters think that universities have half term. They book a holiday for the whole family, including the student, then are disappointed that they can't go.

That's not the poster I'm thinking off, actually found her posts about studying abroad really interesting, even though no one in my family has ever considered applying for medicine.

I joined that group at some point while DS1 was at uni and thought I would stay a member until DS2 graduated but it just got to be too much and I left! I think it started out as a nice idea but became completely unwieldy. The same questions keep coming up over and over again and many of them are unanswerable or a quick Google would give a much better answer. I also couldn't cope with the over-investment many parents seemed to have in their offsprings' open days, A level choices, uni courses, accommodation and every aspect of their lives at uni.

Working for a HEI, I find it fascinating what some parents on WIWIKAU expect from university. As a pp mentioned, a good number expect it to be the same as school and forget that their YP are now at university and studying, rather than at school and being taught.

My kids have now come out the other end and may have done their fair bit of not emptying bins or washing up after themselves immediately, because they're not perfect. By the time our youngest was in the tenth property we'd dealt with, I'd stopped looking at the mess they were living in, reminding myself it wasn't a family home I was moving into, but for them it represented independence and the opportunity to be with friends. Actually, tell a lie, by the time my oldest had moved out of halls into her second year house, I was resisting the need to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, but my husband in all ten properties insisted he clean the toilets . . . for everyone. it became a running joke.

I often feel I want to tell the WIWIKAU parents to get a grip, but I'd probably end up being banned.

I often feel I want to tell the WIWIKAU parents to get a grip, but I'd probably end up being banned.

Same

I'm glad that @RampantIvy and @MorvernBlack enjoy the medical posts too and what great opportunities YP have studying abroad.

I know that I've been guilty of thinking that my YP's accommodation could be better but then my DH reminds me we don't have to live there. It's true that good housemates are the most important thing for our uni students rather than the size of bedroom or lack of ensuite.

It's not the one who gave MN a nice thread of entertainment on one specific university before stropping back to The Student Room much to TSR's disappointment was it?
I believe she thinks she is the only possible expert on that university and is often very wrong

I think it started out as a nice idea but became completely unwieldy. The same questions keep coming up over and over again and many of them are unanswerable or a quick Google would give a much better answer.

Yes, I think WIWIKAU really does need a "No more questions about TV licences or registering to vote" rule, with encouragement to use the search function to find the many previous posts on these subjects. I would also add a rule that if you are asking for personal statement advice, your post will be rejected if you don't say what subject you are applying for!

What's the other group ? Thanks

@DragonFly98 its called ‘Parents of Autistic / neurodiverse U.K. students’ on Facebook.
I’ve no idea how I link to it!

There's one called Neurodivergent parents parenting which is very good, I'm in the one linked above but prefer this one.

The overly pampered sons irritate me. Fgs - doing your sons (and more importantly future partners) no favours by revelling in their laziness helplessness and treating them like incapable four year olds.

I know someone who visits her son every couple of weeks so that she can change his bedding and bring his bedding and towels home to wash.

Infantilising your children like this means that they will never learn to be independent. He will also make a crap partner who expects his other half to do the same for him.

I admit that I helicopter parented DD when she was little due to her health issues, but she is now an independent adult living and working away from home.

Yes, I think WIWIKAU really does need a "No more questions about TV licences or registering to vote" rule, with encouragement to use the search function to find the many previous posts on these subjects.

I completely agree with this but it won’t happen as the admins seem very keen to monetise the group (if you look they have registered WIWIKAU with Companies House) and so for them the more pointless posts means more engagement which is what they want.

Re the clingy parents - there is a sad post from a student whose parents insist that she talks to them on the phone every day. They sound incredibly controlling to the point where she has had to lie about reading week.

I don't understand why parents are so reluctant to allow their DC to grow up and be independent.

Oh, and another post asking about term dates. Just check the university website. It isn't rocket science!

@RampantIvy DS’s university website is quite confusing re term dates, so it isn’t always that easy.

With respect to the same questions being asked that is quite annoying, but MN is also full of posters asking questions that have been asked before.

@RampantIvy this is the page from university website. The bit under the cookie says study break. How would you interpret this?

Very true @crumblingschools. The term dates were easy to find on DD's university website, and I mistakenly assumed that they would be easy to find on other university websites.

Cross posted. Yes, the terminology is confusing.

@RampantIvy also DS only has 2 semesters on his course and finishes in April not August. But I did get him to check this.

I think oversharing of information is a problem. There is a post today that describes a divorce, making the young person extremely anxious and struggling to cope - great that there is a happy outcome with daughter 'thriving' (everyone seems to thrive) at University but the post isn't anonymous and is accompanied with photographs of 'proud mum and daughter' - it's not the posters information to share - how does her daughter feel? @RampantIvy I saw the post about the student who was frustrated about phoning home everyday - I did wonder if it was a 'spoof' from someone tired of seeing the posts crying about their offspring not getting in touch - or have I been on MN too long?

@Piggywaspushed , I think I may have worked out the serial poster. 'Just Asking' for confirmation frim you😄

I treat WIWIKAU as a guilty secret- I am fascinated by some of what goes on, the weeping, the oversharing, but did find the packing list helpful! I do wonder if Lincoln Uni have a deal as they seem to be recommended for every subject! (that would be deleted probably if I suggested it on there though🤣). Definitely way too earnest for me really. But can’t quite unfollow it ……….

I think I know who you mean.....!

I've been on WIWIKAU for a couple of years, it's a weird old place but great for the comedy value

The helicoptering parenting is something else - so many "we're contacting Uni" "we're writing the PS" etc. WHY?!!!

The oversharing with photos isn’t great. I first joined when we were starting open days. University is very different to when I went, parents are much more involved (possibly because we have to shell out money) snd many universities have sessions for parents at open days, whereas would have been the height of embarrassment if your parents tagged along when I was going to university.

So some parts of it I have found interesting and other bits I scroll past, but like MN

Yes! Weird isn't it?! I love Lincoln, have strong family links to it, but I didn't think the Uni was all that?