Is WIWIKAU overly sensitive?

[Ohmygoodness23]

I joined a Facebook group called What I wish I knew about university (WIWIKAU) about 4 months ago in readiness for my eldest going off to uni (he is now 8 weeks into his first year). Haven’t checked in for a while but did earlier this evening and discovered that I have been barred from the group!! I only replied to a few posts - one, offering advice about accommodation in Newcastle (which was well received); two, saying to a parent that it should be their DC’s decision not their’s about clearing unis and RG is not the be all and end all; and three - saying that it was premature and absurd for a fresher DC to drop out within a week coz they hadn’t made friends yet. I was very polite at all times. But I am banned from WIWIKAU now. No recourse or appeal mechanism.

They are absolutely shocking when it comes to kids who are neuro diverse. There’s another FB group who are fab at helping kids apply for uni who are ND but if you dare highlight this on the Wiwikau you are barred. Absolutely boils my blood when they have NO ONE who gets the difficulties involved. I’ve not been on their FB pages for a year or so as they’ve been way too ableist and have no clue. How dare they delete posts signposting help for ND teens. They are discriminatory.

I'm on there, joined at the end of summer and it's a funny old place! There seem to be a lot of very over involved parents who seem to take their kids independence as a personal insult and seem quite clingy to their kids. I understand it's a hard time seeing your children fly the nest, but a lot of it seems quite unhealthy to me and seems a lot of them make it all about them.

I've been on there for about a year. Haven't really noticed any of this behaviour. Certainly not noticed any lack of tolerance for ND kids (I have one), in fact there actually seems to be quite a bit of support. What shocks me is how many kids ( especially ND ones) who end up with shitty, toxic flatmates who bully. This seems to be one of the main reasons kids quit, not lack of resilience.

I've found it quite helpful in terms of practical info and they haven't banned me yet!

I'm in the ND group mentioned and it does seem they ban people a lot. I left years ago because i oils t cope with the overly emotional mummies whose little babies were off to uni.

It doesn’t seem to be a place for criticism, unlike here. It makes me laugh a bit when I see a thread asking for opinions on different unis as you’ll only ever see sunshine and roses posts - even though OP is asking for warts and all, it’s rare to see any critique of any uni. The few I have seen are shouted down by others so it’s rare to find honest opinions.

I would love a site that listed each uni with a “might suit you if you are…..etc” opinion - hard to find!

I seem to be the dissenting voice here. But I've found the info on there not all sunshine and roses at all. I like the accommodation photos, more honest than the prospectuses, which make every uni look like a hotel. In fact some of the housing issues are shocking.
There is an element of - my YP has predictions of AAA*, which is a bit tedious though.

I didn’t mean there are no posts that are not sunshine and roses - absolutely there are loads of posts about friendship/accommodation/support issues. Often can’t see which uni.

What you rarely see are critiques of unis when posters ask for a list of opinions on different ones.

I joined it briefly when my older dd went off to uni. I exited swiftly not soon after. It's crazy in there - really intense. It stressed me out. I felt like if I wasn't already batch cooking meals for uni for my 13 year old and taking her on open days I was already behind everyone else.

I'm in it but mostly have it unfollowed as it is so busy it takes over my whole feed, gets a bit intense and I do feel there's a massive amount of oversharing, it is a private group but there are 50k members so it might as well be public. I am also in the ND one (someone pm'd me after I replied to a post in the main one) and I was aware that any mention of it is verboten, that does seem harsh, its not really competition.

Yes I wonder how many of those kids know how much is being shared about them in terms of photos and personal information.

I’ve also had issues with the admins on there. I expect they started it as a well meaning group but it’s grown so big that administering it is taking a lot of time. The constant attempts to monetise it are tiresome.

I’m on it and thought it was generally supportive but completely agree about it being a bit intense and competitive. I did get some good information from it.

I thought it seemed quite supportive of neurodiverse students, but have only recently been a member, since Aug.

I too was surprised at the amount of students who quit after a week or so, and those whose parents moved them in and then out again within a couple of weeks, and it did worry me loads as my dd had yet to move in! But again, I suppose those who are enjoying it, like my dd, wouldn’t feel the need to post. And it would be stressful if you knew your dc was upset miles away from home.

I do agree with you that it is absurd to drop out after a week if they haven’t made friends but it does seem that the majority on there fall into the “just move them out/bring them home” camp so your comment probably stood out!

Oh and I completely agree with the over sharing! Can’t believe people post pictures of their dc and their rooms, where they are staying etc to a bunch of strangers!

I joined a while back but don’t go on it that often for the same reasons. Lots of overly sentimental parents living vicariously through their DC, the ridiculous competitiveness and the worrying levels of oversharing.

God yes. I like it, but it's too twee for me. I'm fine with it for a week or so then it starts to get on my nerves. It's like netmuns only more sweet. No constructive criticism allowed.

Why do people batch cook for their adult children? Surely the entire point of uni, beyond the academics, is learning how not to burn a tin of spaghetti hoops?

Some of it is just weird. The parents who have their son or daughter's loan paid in to their own bank account, the mother the other day who couldn't bear to tell her son she'd forgotten to book the open day, the batch cooking, the ones who go in and clean the communal spaces when they visit.... all very OTT.

I love it. DD is ND and I've had some great advice from there. I've never spoken to the mods but I wouldn't fancy that job.

I'm not a batch cooker but I don't care less if others are. Each to their own.

That's fair. I'd find that really helpful too.

I wish someone would batch cook for me 😆 There's no danger of me rolling up with a freezer bag full of lasagne.

I was on it was it 6 years ago?

It was two camps, the '3 A star' braggers trying to outcompete each other, helicoptering every step; and the 'first member of the family to ever go' with their naive expectations of what their DC's 2 Cs and 'Film Studies' degree would look like.

Sadly, many of the latter just didn't cut it, loads and loads of dropping out within 6 weeks.

There wasn't a lot of middle ground.

It sounds as though you are best out of there! It won't be doing their children any good as they learn to become young adults, that's for sure.

The problem with higher education is that the govt expect parents to contribute financially but gives them so little information. This is compounded by issues like the lottery of 1st year accommodation allocations sometimes resulting in accommodation that is above the budget requested by the student being offered but if declined no alternative is provided etc. WIWIkAU gives parents an resource to answer many often very straight forward questions that aren't answered by schools or uni admission depts.
The membership of WIWIKAU keeps growing, currently 52k members so shows the shortage of advice whether sensible or not available.

Totally agree with this. Schools provide a woeful amount of information IME and although there is information out there online, it’s not that easy to find. It’s almost a part time job investigating it all, especially if you’ve never been to uni yourself. I can absolutely see why WIWIKAU is so used.

Things like how do you know how competitive a course is/how to pick your 5 strategically/how to swap SFE stuff from a firmed Uni to an insurance etc etc.

We estimate we will be contributing around £15k pa when both our DC are at uni. So need to know what you’re doing and paying for.

I think there are a number of issues here.

First of all I think there are far too many young people at university who should have either taken a gap year or explored other options. There are too many who are so unprepared for independent living or are not self motivated or self starters. Schools push the default as being university with no other options, and I think that is wrong. University isn't for everyone.

I agree that schools and 6th form colleges could do more to provide information and encourage independence.

I didn't get the impression that parents of ND students were being unsupported, if anything I thought that there was a lot of useful information and support.

The number of over involved and clingy parents is worrying. I once had a post removed when I suggested that we as parents were responsible for ensuring that our young people could cook, know how to use a washing machine and learn various other life skills before leaving home. One poster said that her son couldn't cook because he was a boy, and I admit that I challenged that

On the whole I think it is a supportive group, and I very rarely post these days as DD has now graduated.

And the oversharing is bonkers. I have never shared anything at the level that so many posters have. Even when DD graduated I didn't say what classification she achieved, and I have never posted pictures of her or her accommodation or my car packed to the rafters.