Is WIWIKAU overly sensitive?

[Ohmygoodness23]

I joined a Facebook group called What I wish I knew about university (WIWIKAU) about 4 months ago in readiness for my eldest going off to uni (he is now 8 weeks into his first year). Haven’t checked in for a while but did earlier this evening and discovered that I have been barred from the group!! I only replied to a few posts - one, offering advice about accommodation in Newcastle (which was well received); two, saying to a parent that it should be their DC’s decision not their’s about clearing unis and RG is not the be all and end all; and three - saying that it was premature and absurd for a fresher DC to drop out within a week coz they hadn’t made friends yet. I was very polite at all times. But I am banned from WIWIKAU now. No recourse or appeal mechanism.

I must have been doubly naughty @Piggywaspushed I think I posted twice as being a tech delinquent I hadn’t realised it’d been removed and just assumed I’d not linked properly so did it again! Oops.

I joined when one of my kids went off to uni. I was bemused by all the weeping and wailing about their babies leaving them, and then not phoning them every single day, and the parents wanting to track them constantly.

I waved my child off and thought it was a job well done that they were independent enough for me not to have to worry, and no news was good news with regard to contact. I certainly wouldn't consider tracking them, I've never done it and wouldn't start now.

Now I have two at uni, and still feel the same. Sometimes I get one word replies to my messages to them! If I'm lucky. I do phone them every so often just to check they are getting on ok.

Ha @Wbeezer we may be in the same group - or a similar uni anyway. This is run by a small cabal of defensive and quite odd characters who purport to be experts in the local area and the university itself as well as in student life in the UK as a whole, when it's blatantly, in fact embarrassingly clear they're not.

I'm also baffled why parents who clearly struggle to get their heads around things being very different from the US, chose to send their kids abroad to study.

I like the posts where the mum (always the mum) says “My child is predicted 4A* and has 17 offers for Oxbridge already” I am sure, as they are never anonymous on these types of posts, that it is purely aimed at showing off to specific friends they know are also on the group.
The ones where the mum says, “We are working on their personal statement…” annoy me. Why is the mum writing the personal statement, surely the applicant is old enough to be doing that themselves, they are heading off to university.
I also find it annoying when the mum shows off a pig-sty of a room with a proud and jokey comment. They also say things like, “Oh their flat mates will soon sort out their laziness/get them to tidy”. They should be ashamed that they haven’t taught their offspring to consider how their mess/filth in communal areas affects others. They shouldn’t be leaving it up to other Freshers to teach them how to cook or clean.

@Marmalade71 I guess we are! Yes, the moderators are not to be argued with! I joined as I'm local and thought local knowledge might be useful but I'm not sure my input has much effect!
I too am amazed at the irony of helicopter parents not doing thorough research but I guess the US uni application process is a bit more challenging in general compared to UCAS.
The conspicuous consumption on display makes me feel a bit queasy too, all the £££ hotel and restaurant recommendations and expensive clothing lists!
I really think it's changed the uni for the worse but I guess they need the money.

I'm on it. I think it's useful but there is another of helicopter parents who seem to resent the fact their child isn't missing them.

There's one parent on there who winds me up. Always answering posts in a bossy know it all manner and it grates on me.

The proud mum who wears the fact that their DC doesn't know the first thing about cooking as a badge of honour baffles me.

St Andrews? If not then it’s not unique to your DC’s uni parents FB page. The St A parents FB page makes me chuckle on a regular basis.

@Eightytwenty yup.

I don't think DD's university even had a parents' Facebook group.

I know who you mean and to me that one has a very MN 'voice'...

I joined it when DD started a few years ago but found it a bit intense so unfollowed as it was taking over my newsfeed.

It was helpful to a point.

I’ve got a ND teen heading off in a year or so hopefully so I’d be grateful if someone could share the name of the ND group please. I’ve had a look but can’t find it. Thank you!

@alloalloallo it's this one, it's a great group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/264205858490793

While there is support for ND students on the WIW group, sometimes you just need a space with only ND families who totally get that for example your YP does for example need help with the laundry app (I totally agree as a general group students ought to be able to sort these things out themselves but when yours can't it's hard and it only takes one snarky response in a load of helpful ones to bring you down). I would have LOVED it if mine could sort that by himself, it is not due to me being an over-involved mum. Also a lot of support in there for the bigger issues such as support at uni, benefits, carers, mental health support. I find this in real life, I have friendship groups with non ND parents who I share all sorts with, but it is much easier sharing the ND specific things with other ND parents because they just get it.

@EerilyDecorated Thank you!

I am so worried about DD2 going to uni (she’ll never know that) so it’s good to have somewhere where people properly understand and not just tell me I’m over invested or need help with my anxiety.

I also suspect I know who you mean 😆

I think many of us know who we know who the PP means...

I have no idea, give us a clue please 🤔

My son got 3Cs (ADHD means he performs badly in exams) and is doing film making, which he is loving and flying at, now second year and achieving first class now he doesn't have to perform in exams.

I think he will have bankable skills in editing, filmography, production, script writing etc. And even if he doesn't get a totally related job, the confidence boost and independence skills he has developed are worth every penny.

Not sure I should.

There is a poster who just knows everything on there!

I’m now wanting access to wiwikau so I can read bossy comments.
@alloalloallo and @EerilyDecorated the ‘parents of ND students’ FB group is incredibly helpful. It also highlights the huge variations of neurodiversity and gives some really valuable tips. There’s an awful lot of info regarding DSA and specific funding available too. Plus there’s some gorgeous stories of young people overcoming their difficulties, which I just love!

There is a poster who just knows everything on there!

I can't work out who it is TBH.

There is a poster who just knows everything on there! Is that a clue?
I thought I had narrowed it down to 3 people.

My lips are sealed.

I don't mind WIWIKAU, but I have an autistic ds so helicopter parenting is pretty standard for me! It does clog up my news feed though.

I agree there does seem to be a lot of 'helicopter' parents on WIWIKAU this year. The posts that amaze me are 'what are the term dates' and I'm thinking can you not just Google that.

I do reply frequently to posts about my DD's uni as I like to be helpful, my DD is in her 3rd year. I had one very happy mum DM me as she had a YP who was too shy to attend a society on their own and our YP met up and went to the event together. My DD said the YP was so lovely.

I'm curious who is the bossy poster is. There is a lovely poster who comments about medicine abroad, which I find fascinating, I do hope this doesn't irritate people.