They settle in and we miss them. Uni Starters 2023 - Thread 2

[spamm]

I wanted to get a news thread ready for everyone as you wake up in the Uk.

We are settling into a routine of talking to DS on FaceTime on Sunday mornings after our breakfast, which is early pm his time. It is so nice to see his smile and catch up on how he is doing. I know at some point he will have a bad day, but so far he seems to be doing so well, I am ridiculously proud.

Hope you all have a good week!

Ugh what a worry @Lyxou . Can she get some mental health support from the uni?

I agree, I don't think there's anything you can do about exploring a move to engineering for her. I've made some preliminary inquiries for my ds, but at other unis, not at his current one. Is engineering related enough to her current degree that an in-year transfer might be possible?

@tribpot she asked about an in year transfer (from maths) about 1 month in, but it was already too late. She's spoken to loads of different people at the uni - wellbeing officer, transition officer, her supervisor with mixed results. I might check the website to see if there's anything else.

@Lyxou hope she's okay. She may need a little help sorting it if her head's not in the right place. What's the uni welfare team like?

@MargaretThursday I've heard the well-being team at York are good. I've found an email address for them and sent an email about the situation in the hope that maybe they will reach out to her because I don't think she has it in her to reach out for help (apart from ringing us). She can't get herself out of bed to get food never mind do anything else. And she's so thin because she's not been eating.

@Lyxou that sounds so worrying for you. To be honest I would go and try to help her get sorted. There's time for her to be more independent when she's feeling better. But she might need your help getting started with it. But I tend to think the kids have ages to grow up and there are just times when they need you a bit more.

Although obviously you know dd best and you should go with your instincts

@stilldumdedumming She rang me about an hour ago, and seemed a lot better (such a relief!) She's so up and down. I've told her that whenever she feels better she needs to sort out a plan for next year - see if she can get on an open day so she can have a good look at the engineering courses etc.

I don't mind going up there and helping her sort things out, and I've contacted the well-being team myself in the hope that they can do something for her, but what I can't do is make decisions about her future for her - she's got to decide what course to change to herself.

Oh of course she needs to decide- I didn't really mean it like that. I do hope your dd can make use of her feeling better times to move forward.

Off to see Ds for the day soon -will be the first time DH and DD have seen him up there although for various reasons we’ve seen him down here quite a bit! Was his birthday on Wednesday so we’re taking some presents and also a cake. And I have advent calendars for him and his girlfriend 😊

You've reminded me to get an advent calendar for DD @MirandaWest ! Hope you have a lovely time with DS and he is feeling much better.

Ds got his own and allegedly, has not started it yet - this is unheard of! I got own for dd. Very sobering that it marks the countdown to her baby's due date! (Did Xmas day). Really need to sort her so she can resume her degree!

You've got a lot going on in your family @stilldumdedumming. Will this baby make you a grandmother for the first time? Very exciting - I love the simultaneous countdown to baby advent calendar!
I hope your other DD is feeling more settled with whatever decision she's made for course / uni etc. They are still so young and Uni and just life itself expects so much of them.

@MirandaWest DD's grandma gave us an advent calendar to bring up when we visited her yesterday and there was 5 all lined up in the kitchen already as they decided to buy them early and countdown until the 15th - last day of lectures so some are going straight home. We will then carry on with one when she's home from the 16th til 24th 😂
The calendars varied from Barbie to Hot Wheels haha. Was lovely to see them all.

It was so lovely seeing DD as it's been a few weeks since I saw her and she's settled and happy and we got to meet her delightful new bestie from the flat for a bit then took DD to a hotel for afternoon tea on a comfy sofa opposite an enormous Christmas tree and just caught up and laughed like old times. Weather was dreadful and the journey home had lots of accidents and road closures ☹️

@stilldumdedumming how exciting! What a great christmas present for the family!

I have just ordered dd a swizzels advent calendar (she really doesn’t like chocolate, weirdo). They are doing free postage and 10% off, so was cheaper than Sainsbury’s.

I think we are going to see her on Sunday, I can’t wait!

Oh thank you both. Expectant dd is the same that should be in year 2 now but has taken the year out and hoping to resume in September.

And yes! It will be my first grandchild. And she wants me as birth partner!

@stilldumdedumming - what an exciting time. I cannot imagine it (just yet). But what a wonderful event to look forward to.

@Lyxou - hopefully your DD will feel stronger and be able to make some decisions and take action. As someone else said, I would be there in the blink of an eye to try and fix things. I am a fixer, but actually it's probably not the best solution. I have seen DS grow through discovering what he is capable of, and I know that I sometimes stifle that.

Yesterday, he took one of his teammates to hospital - broken ankle at rugby practice. I love that DS stayed with him until he was seen by the doctor, and he knew that his mother was on the way. He had to walk 45 back to accommodation, in rugby shorts and a Tshirt at 8.00pm. He called me and we chatted for some of the way until I was due in a meeting. Only 3 weeks until he is home!

@spamm I ended up having to take the day off work yesterday to bring her home for a few days. On top of being utterly heartbroken+ having a crisis about being on the wrong course, she now has a horrible hacking chesty cough (may even be COVID, she's never knowingly had it). And to make matters worse, DH (her dad) is on chemotherapy for bowel cancer, so shouldn't really be going anywhere near anyone with a cough, but he couldn't help but give her a massive hug as soon as he saw her (she wore a mask at least, and has mostly confined herself to her bedroom). We're not a happy household at the moment😢, and I feel like it's me who's got to hold everything together to manage it all. I suspect she's also very worried about her dad, but hasn't said much about that.

@stilldumdedumming ahhh thank you for clarifying your DD is the same. You sound super supportive so whatever she decides re Uni course you'll be with her.

@spamm what a lovely son you have there , you must be super proud.

@Lyxou you have a lot on your plate in your family too and I fervently hope 2024 is a great new year for you all.

What a lot you have going on. And as usual, you will have to be the one being supportive and positive, despite being a bit broken by it all inside. I have been there and it’s just the worst role to have to take.

Your daughter needs support but she also needs to try and come up with some solutions and structure for the weeks ahead.

Wishing her a good recovery and your husband a decent response to the chemo x

That sounds really hard @Lyxou, and I hope you are able to take a bit of care of yourself in amongst tending to everyone else . Here's to 2024 being better for all of you.

Can't believe first term is nearly over! In general it has been great for DD - made friends, enjoying her course mostly, got a part time job, found her feet with organising her time. Looking forward to having her home in a couple of weeks although she will be working at her old job 4 days a week to save some more money.

Hope everyone's kids are settled and happy.

DD is coming home today, DH is in the car on his way to fetch her as I type. It’s a wrap on first term, how that time has flown!

Wow that's an early finish! Ds is coming home on 19 December and going back on 27th!

@Lyxou all strength to you and your family. I know it's hard to ask for help (also sometimes it kind of makes more work!) but if you can draw in any support or get out of any other responsibilities, do.

PSA - if in doubt take food to friends in need! I was beyond grateful during COVID lockdowns when dp was in a coma and my friends brought round home cooked food.

I took DD back yesterday, and she did seem a bit better, although very up and down still, but at least she does have the occasional hour or so of feeling more normal and that should increase in time. It's a good sign that she wanted to go back - when I picked her up on Tuesday, I didn't know if she was coming home for good. She still has a horrible hacking cough though, I'd have preferred that to have gone before she went back, but coughs sometimes linger for weeks. I managed to pamper her with lots of hot chocolates - she's not eating much and is very thin, but she drank a lot of milky hot chocolate while she was here.

She seems to have made some decisions as well. She's decided she wants to stay in York, and she wants to change to electrical engineering in September, but wants to stick out this year on maths, purely so she keeps her accommodation and can keep in touch with the friends she's made and keep going to the gymnastics club there. It all sounds good and sensible.

My only worry is this means she uses up her 'grace' year of student loan funding, and it's extra student loan she'll have to pay back, whereas she'd save some money if she dropped out now and went back in September. We're paying for accommodation, so we'll also have that to pay for, for the rest of the year. We're not short of money though, and I think it's worth it for her own happiness. It's maybe about 10K that she'd save overall if she dropped out of this academic year, but plenty of people throw a lot more money than that at weddings/holidays/cars/school fees etc.

Off to see DD singing in her advent carol service tomorrow - can't wait! She hasn't found a house for next year yet but has a good group to hunt with, course is going well, I'm hearing a bit less of some names and some more of some new ones, so a pretty standard first term, I think. Still 2 weeks to go though.

Glad to hear your dd is making some concrete plans @Lyxou , even if her health and weight are still a concern. Hope you can get more of the good stuff into her over Christmas!

@Lyxou Oh that all sounds hideous! Sounds like you’re the one who needs to be made the comforting hot chocolates! So pleased she’s made some decisions and that’s one thing less to worry about. Hopefully they’ve definitely approved her moving to the engineering course? I do hope so! My DD also at York with a hacking cough so I bet it’s doing the rounds. I think they’ve 2 weeks left then home for Christmas. We live very south but if there’s anything that could help please let me know.
@PettsWoodParadise that is an early finish! Does she return early too? @stilldumdedumming you’ve only got them for 8 days; seems quite short! Or is that a good thing!
DD has her train tickets booked now. We noticed that returning over the weekend meant several changes and/or bus replacement so she’s returning midweek; halfway through reading week. This also solved her trying to decide whether to stay home for reading week or return to uni. So I think she’s home for around 3.5 weeks! She keeps informing me she’s lots of work to do and not to organise too much.