They settle in and we miss them. Uni Starters 2023 - Thread 2

[spamm]

I wanted to get a news thread ready for everyone as you wake up in the Uk.

We are settling into a routine of talking to DS on FaceTime on Sunday mornings after our breakfast, which is early pm his time. It is so nice to see his smile and catch up on how he is doing. I know at some point he will have a bad day, but so far he seems to be doing so well, I am ridiculously proud.

Hope you all have a good week!

Sadly not reading week @AnneOfCleavage - would have been useful if it had been. That's not until 6th November

@MirandaWest Sorry about your ds, hope he's not too ill. Autoimmune disease sucks, fingers crossed the hospital can get it under control quickly.

Today DD stated that she has not yet received her maintenance loan. Apparently a number of her friends have not received any money as yet. Tomorrow she will get in touch with SF. Each weekend she has been home she has gone back with some cash so had not been using her card except for going out, drinks and Uber. I did her a big shop a few weeks ago. However she has been spending far too much and really hasn't been keeping track. I've been trying to get her to budget, she says she has been, but she hasn't. So hopefully she can get it all sorted pretty quickly or it will be beans and potatoes from now until December. I think she believes the bank of M&D will bail her out, again. There must be a good app for budgeting? Any advice appreciated.

DD still enjoying uni life, and has just rang to say she's only going to come home for the 2nd half of her uni week because she wants to be there for trick or treating!

BUT she still thinks she's chosen the wrong course. All the well-being officers/lecturers she talks to tells her she needs to go home. I think it's because she gets herself into a state, and they think she's suicidal or something, but she's actually quite happy, she does just have a tendency to get over-emotional, but obviously I know her really well, and they don't.

She had a meeting with a lecturer in engineering because that's what she'd most like to move to, but that lecturer just told her to go home as well. He's worried that she's not going to like engineering either, and will drop that as well - which is fair enough because she might. And he's said it's too late to change course now. I always had the impression that it was really easy to change courses, but they're not making it easy for her.

She really doesn't want to pack in and start again next year. I don't know if there's an option to do maths for 1 year, then move to engineering in her 2nd year.

Oh and she got 100% on her first assignment. That'll be the assignment she was sobbing over the other week because she claimed she didn't understand anything.

*uni week = half-term week. Don't know why I wrote uni there

Hi, hope you don't mind if I hop on thread. Just wanted to sent good wishes to@MirandaWest and her DS over the hospital visit. My DS and yours both did gap years, so started out on another thread. Glad to hear Newcastle has been working out for him so far.

@MirandaWest - I hope your DS is doing better. It is so hard to see them unwell.

@Lyxou - your DS sounds like a sensible girl and I am sure she will figure it out.

This week has been the first week I have struggled with missing DS. It's been a month since I last saw him and that is the longest we have been apart. And I don't think I will see him for at least another month. Dh is also struggling - he was a stay at home dad for 14 years, so the house is crazy quiet without DS here.

Anyway, we have to figure out how to make it work, but i would give anything for a big hug. It does help to see him coping so well and enjoying the adventure. I did at one point wonder if he would ever be able to go out into the world, when his struggles with his autism were at their worse. But he has grown do much in the last 2 years and it feels like he has made such amazing strides.

Hope you are all doing ok. So happy that some of you are seeing your dc this weekend.

@Lyxou - I meant Dd of course - it seems to autocorrect to ds. Weird.

Here you all are! I’ve been following the thread since the start but hadn’t realised the old one was full. My dd1 seems to be doing ok and I am excited to see her next weekend after what will have been the longest time apart ever. Dd2 even more excited to be seeing her big sister.

@spamm Great to hear your son is doing so well. I am glad I can see my DD fairly regularly at least, I think I would miss her loads if I couldn't see her for months

My DD is really sensible, although I do wish she'd gone to loads of open days to get a feel for all the different types of maths/engineering based courses in the summer term of Y12, but she didn't want to miss any school. She did consider and research other courses, I suppose, but always drifted back to maths.

Unfortunately the ability to switch courses is by no means a given. As well as the missed content, it impacts on funding, staffing levels etc for the university and the university is at the end of the day a business. It is also sometimes the case that kids think they can get in in a lower grades course and then just switch once they’re in ( not saying that’s what’s happened here). Similarly I think lots of people seem to assume that university degrees are the same wherever you study. They’re not, they are completely different and so switching universities is rarely possible unless you start again (lots asking about this on wiwikau).

If the course isn’t right then it is a long time to study it just because a student has made friends and is having a good time. It’s such a difficult decision but at the end of the day it would be better to start again next year doing the right course.

Maybe it’s just a case of the general pressure of university style working bring too much at the moment though and a gap before starting again would be good? I hope she is ok and is able to work her way through the issues and make a decision.

So nice to hear how they’re all getting on. DS2 is loving Sheffield, he was home for his girlfriend’s 18th party last week. It was lovely to see him, if only briefly!! And DD took him out for lunch before he went back, she’s missed him. We’ve arranged to go over one Sunday and take him out for Sunday dinner - he’s having a fab time but cooking is not his thing 😂

Can I join? DS is doing Engineering and has been gone a month. I'm guessing it's pretty normal to miss them?

He seems to have settled in OK. He spends some time with his Flatmates, some time with some people from his course and he goes to a society where he says he likes the people do he seems to be doing ok so far.

After one month I thought I'd miss her a bit less, but it's more if anything.

@Tabbytabs and any other parents of Cardiff dc, I've just been reading about awful behaviour from 'rugby freshers' leading to a ban on blue shirts and chinos . What a strange response! But seems to be working apparently. Hope your dc have been safe from all this.

Unfortunately the ability to switch courses is by no means a given - so true. DD was told (by Cardiff) that if you hadn't made the switch within the first two weeks (she was six weeks in) you had to start again the following year. It seemed so silly to us at the time - how can you really know in two weeks? In fact it turned out to be the best thing all round for her. She left the course, left the university had a complete rethink, missed a Covid year as it turned out, and is now, four years later, heading into a Masters at one of the top universities in Paris. Can't say the whole experience didn't leave its mark on her at the time, but she eventually emerged from the shadows into a much better place. Some of the things you say about your DD resonate with me @Lyxou - not full exploring all the course options or different universities (in my DD's case just being a lot wiser after the event about what she didn't want which actually helped her younger brother in his turn to make a much better choice). Everything is so much easier with the benefit of hindsight - not helpful I know.

@ZittiEBuoni - I just read that story about Cardiff and thought it was a bizarre response.

DD has come home for the weekend with a friend so they can go to an event in London. Lovely to see her, but we've found that the two parcels I sent for her birthday, one has gone missing, so going to have to sort that out. It was only a box of knickknacks so I can't even remember what was in it fully.

Sorry meat to add: @MirandaWest hope your ds is better quickly. It's such a worry when we can't check them out every day.

@ZittiEBuoni my dd stays away from dickheads like that, she has a very well developed dickhead radar. It also helps that she looks like Wednesday Addams and has a resting bitchface to match! She has heard about the story, but doesn’t really know anything about it. It is very bizarre though.

I was so disappointed to read about the perception of rugby freshmen (and the behaviors that lead to it, of course). My ds is one of the freshers in the rugby program at Exeter. But he is a genuinely nice guy, a little bit introverted, who likes quirky people and has always been a little bit of an outsider (see autism mentioned in above post).

He is incredibly loyal and reliable, and very kind. I am sure he can be annoying at times, and maybe in crowds, he can be a bit of a jerk, although I hope not. His best friends at home here in the US are all part of the quirky crowd and he was popular in high school, but in an understated way. He describes himself as a nerd, and a bit weird, but that's because I encouraged him to embrace his differences when he was struggling with his diagnosis in middle school. So the reputation of rugby programs really saddens me.

@Tabbytabs my RBF has served me well over the years. I can stop someone in their travels with just a look. Sometimes it can be a gift!

@spamm My DS is also an Exeter fresher rugby player.

He's been really pleased with the setup there, as have we. Having played all the way through mini rugby and grammar school, but not to an elite level (e.g. professional club academy) he was a bit concerned that the Exeter standard would mean there wouldn't be a team for him.

But finding out they run 5 freshers teams was great - he's made it onto the thirds - with a full programme of weekly league and cup games until the end of Feb, and training three times a week.

Their "initiation" was all farily lighthearted too - running through the streets of Exeter to a pub wearing only a nappy (google it for pictures) with nothing humiliating or depraved happening.

Spending a weekend with DS in his university town. He has just gone back to his halls after having a lovely day together, I am sitting in my hotel room having a slight wobble. Dreading saying goodbye to him tomorrow